How do you tell the person you care about deeply that they're gaining too much weight?

Question

You don't want to hurt their feelings and it isn't about you being shallow, but you promised to look your best for each other and for your health but they're not trying anymore.

Answer 1

Simply put- you don't. You think they haven't noticed it too? think about how you would feel if one day they came up to you "hey sweetie...you've been getting really fat. I'm worried about you". Wouldn't that hurt?

Answer 2

Agreeing with deezpump on this one.

If you don't want to offend, lay off any conversation or inuendo leading to directing referencing weight.

With someone who's weight fluctuated alot I used to say something when we were cuddling, like, you're getting pointy, or you're softer. "Are my arms getting shorter cause when we hug they used to go to here...?" Try some kind of leading statement of sorts that puts the subject in their court to bring up and then you can talk but don't push the issue on yourself.
Many times eating is an emotional thing. Rather than talking about being fat, ask if there's something stressful going on in their life right now.

It would be a tough one for me to agree with someone that we would look good for each other. If someone has an esteem problem it gives the impression that they are only lovable if they look a certain way. In which case if you bring up the weight issue the person only ends of feeling worse and is actually likely to gain more weight due to eating emotionally.

I think going out and doing healthy things together is a great idea. I'm very overweight and that would really work for me. Not only is the activity helpful in losing weight but it also keeps one away from eating at the same time. Double bonus.

Buy some really beautiful clothes in the size she used to be and say that you couldn't find them in the size she is but that it will be great to see her in them when she gets back to her usual weight. Personally, I have some great clothes I've boughten, and I still do, that are too small for me to wear. They serve two purposes. First, they are clothes I really like and while they don't exactly motivate me to lose weight I know they are there when I do - which means that I DO intend to do it. Second, there's not that nagging annoyance in the back of my mind thinking, well, if I lose weight I won't have anything to wear and I cannot afford to but a whole bunch of new clothes.

Well, I was jumping around so the things I've said may not sound right together but there's a few suggestions I manage bright people such as yourself can find between the lines.

Please, even if the weight bothers you, don't let it bring you to love less or harrass. If it is a problem for her as well, buy her something flattering in the size that she is. Big can be beautiful, too.

Answer 3

Encourage him to go for a walk with you, challenge him to a push-up or sit-up contest. Thats what my boyfriend and I do, we say "okay today we should do 200 sit-ups" and we'll remind each other throughout the day, how many have you done? ohhh im farther along! Just jokingly but at the same time encouraging each other. Also, I said to him "we should start eating better, stop eating out and save some money" We grocery shop together on weekends and take turns to cook each other a meal during the week. Just don't flat out tell him he is gaining weight you don't want to hurt his feelings and cause an arguement. Best of luck with this!

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I've been struggling with that same issue for over 2 years after having been "spoiled" for 7 years by a really hot and fun-loving wife. We often did all sorts of fun, active things together. I hate to think that that part of our marriage has ended, as it apparently has. We're much too young for that.

There are 2 things I can tell you, neither of which makes it easy though. First of all, he will have to WANT to get into shape for health reasons or even if only out of fairness to you. You'll have to encourage or instill some sort of motivation in him that he obviously doesn't currently have. You may simply start by changing things you have control over like meal preparation, for example. Buying more fresh fruit instead of processed snacks when you go shopping. Also, by asking him to accompany you on fun, healthy outings like going for a walk or bicycle ride without mentioning the weight. It will become a chore for him if you do.

The second is that men generally don't take the news as hard as women. You can usually communicate about the issue with a man without fearing the violent reactions like the ones I used to get from my wife when I tried to approach the subject. You don't have to fear hurting his feelings as much as he would have to fear hurting yours were the roles reversed.

I sincerely hope it helps!

Answer 6

You don't - at least not unless there is a significant health risk. You start cooking healthier meals at home, and you try to get them involved in an activity with you, like going for walks after dinner. If you care deeply about them, you accept them for what's in their heart, not how they look.

Answer 7

I just told my fiancee that she needs to lay off the cookies, cakes, ice cream, and anything else that she likes to indulge in that is going to make her fat if she ever hopes to wear the wedding dress she has picked out without looking like a well-worn bean-bag chair at the altar. Keep in mind I said this with a smile and winked seductively at her and she laughed. She thought about it for a while and now we have no sweets, beer, or grains in the house...at least until July.

Answer 8

Just what you said;

you (we) promised to look your (our) best for each other and for your health but they're not trying anymore

Answer 9

The people you care about need to hear what you have to say regardless of how bad it may hurt.You don't have to call the person a fat-***, but there is no need to waste time on how they might take it.Just say it.If they are a true freind, they will listen.

Answer 10

Well when my husband came up to me with this issue, we sat down and he told me about how happy I was a couple of years ago and it was because I felt good about myself. He never told me to lose the weight but talked to me on his feelings. He felt my weight was weighing me down emotionally. So be honesty and tell the person its not that you dont love them the way they are now but its seems like something i changing and you dont like the out come.