What do you think?

Question

There is something I was thinking about. When a person we love dies, are we sad, desperate, depressed because of ourselves or because of them? Are we sad because that person lost life or because we won't be able to live without that person? Do we want them to be alive because we couldn't live without them or...?
I don't know... I mean, I'm sure that if something like that happened to the person I love... I would kill myself because I couldn't live without Him... But I don't want Him to die (yet) because He deserves to live and because He has so much to give...
What do you think?

Answer 1

People don't feel just one way. There are lots of people with lots of different values and so they feel lots of different ways for lots of different reasons.

So the answer to your question is YES. People are sad for ALL of those reasons, though any particular person may or may not experience any of them. But I think most people will experience each of those from time to time. Consider:

If you have ever been saddened at the death of a complete stranger (I know I have), then your feelings can't be because of your personal loss - you had nothing personal to lose.

If you find a child's death particuarly sad, then obviously you are mourning a tragically shortened life and opportunities. If you find the death of a 'good person' particularly sad, then obviously you are mourning the loss of those good works, for society if not directly for yourself.

Certainly, some sadness is selfish, in that it is motivated particularly by what we will be unable to experience again. But I don't think it's as much as some people fear... if it were, the death of an estranged friend would be meaningless and a friend moving far away would be almost as tragic as death itself. And I think for most people those last two things generally aren't true.

There is also another very important reason why death might be saddening: it represents change and is a reminder of the impermanence of all things. At some level, when someone dies then it's a reminder that your favourite soda will stop being made someday. The death of a person is the loss of the entire world in miniature. And though some worlds are better than others, even the most meagre of them have something good in them which may never happen again.

So it goes.

Answer 2

I think the reason people are sad when a loved one dies is because of themselves, not because of the deceased. In fact, they all know he is going to a better place, right?
take the daciens for example; when one of them died, they were happy for him, because he was going to Zalmolxis, the supreme God. They did not cry or grieve, they threw parties and were filled with joy because the one who had an honorable death, would be accepted by Zalmolxis at his side.
Nowadays, our selfish way of being drives us to be sad and desperate because an unexpected force took away a person that made us feel good about ourselves.

Answer 3

We don't just morn for the dead. We morn when something we cherish is taken from us. It can be a person or a thing, but it is something we value and it saddens us when it is taken from us and not given away by us. It is that sense of loss that makes us grieve. It is through grief, that we come to realize that something is precious and is to be valued which is why we must go on. Go on to cherish the memory of what we have lost that in some small way, that something, will not be completely lost.