My daughter is 12 years old and is becoming?

Question

very difficult to deal with. She gets detention at school a lot for not doing her homework but when i ask her if she has any homework she lies and says no. She sometimes forgets her school books to take in for her lessons which she gets detention for. She speaks to her step-dad with no respect and she sometimes speaks to me like that as well.I have a son whos 10yrs old and a daughter whos 8yrs old (with special needs at school)and im due to give birth on 1st march and my husband is being deployed out to Basra 1st may...so im trying to get things sorted...I know my 12yr old daughter has got changes going on..with a new baby coming and her step-dad going away...Has anybody out there got any good advice....on how to make her alittle better and nicer at home and make her see how her homework from school is soooo important. Please help

Answer 1

I would love to help not only you but your daughter as well. Its just that i live in the uk and i would imagine that your from the states

Answer 2

Gosh, your 12 yr old DOES have a lot on her plate, but so do you! I commend you on caring about your children so much. I really don't know what to do about the homework because so far that hasn't been a problem. Maybe you can have the teacher send home a piece of paper each day saying "Yes" for having homework and "no" for no homework? If she doesn't produce the paper then you know for sure that she does. That's the only thing I can think of.

I don't know if that helps probably doesn't. lol I hope your husband comes home safely. That's very scary.

You could always do things to build your daughters confindence. Right now she doesn't need more punishment she needs love. Remember this: When someone is the most unloving is when they need the most love. It's something like that. I'm not sure excatly how it goes. Give her some time for just you and her. I know that may be hard but maybe she could stay up a little later and you guys can really talk about things.

Answer 3

I have a fourteen year old boy who sounded like your daughter when he was twelve, however we are working this through slowly but surely. I lost my father, brother and 8 year old nephew all of who my son and his two sisters were extremely close to. They were lost at sea for 8 and a half weeks and this had a traumatising effect on the whole family. We asked for counselling and we only received this family counselling last January THREE years after their deaths, I found this to be excellent. However you don't actually say if your daughters biological father is still in the picture if he is and he maybe doesn't spend enough time with his daughter and maybe because you have a child with special needs she feels left out and may want to spend quality time with her mum, this is by no means your fault. Your daughter is at an age where her body is going through so many changes and they do become much more difficult at her age (more so than boys). I would try talking to her but not accusing her, try family counselling it really is fantastic and I personally recommend it, they have ways of finding out information from your daughter what is really bothering her, if you can make sure you include the whole family so as she doesn't feel she is being singled out.


I really do feel for you especially as you are heavily pregnant and your husband being posted away from his family.

Good Luck I sincerely mean that.

Answer 4

From all of the details provided here, I get the gyst that you don't have time to help her with homework or make her do it?? I'm 12 years old and this would definately make me do my homework:

WHAT TO DO: I would hire a tutor or have a teacher stay with your girl after school and MAKE her do her homework (that way she cant forget the books at school if she is still at school!). If you do have time, stay after school and ask each teacher what homework your daughter has and get those books with her and do the homework together at home.
WHY: Either way, your daughter doesn't seem to see the importance of school at this point in her life. Since she is still a child, it is your job to MAKE her see that importance.
**Don't let her argue or scream her way out of having to have a tutor. Explain that you don't have time to tutor her with 2 other kids and a baby on the way and this is the best thing for her. Don't back down or falter.
**But don't push her too hard or be angry with her if her grades are bad, as long as she is trying her hardest.

Answer 5

I started acting out when I was 12. Contact the school immediately and tell them about the homework problem. Maybe they can notify you of all homework due. Sit your daughter down (one-on-one) and tell her you contacted the school. Are you a stay at home mom? When your daughter gets off that bus, make her come in and complete her homework. Do not let her go out or talk on the phone until it is done. Tell her how important school is and if she gets any incompletes or D's, she will be grounded. Find out what books she needs when, and make sure she takes them.

Your daughter has proven she can't handle school on her own, so you need to step in and make sure she gets everything done. You are her mother and it is your responsibility. I know you have 2 other kids with 1 on the way... but you have a responsibility to each child. She needs your help.

Answer 6

Well, I'm sure this is new for you, but consider how she feels. I know it's hard for you to deal with an uncooperative and disrespectful child, but there's proabably something behind it. (You did say step-dad?) And you mentioned many younger siblings, which can often cause that kind of rebellious attitude. (Trust me, I know.) It's probably a phase, and the best thing you can do is try and talk to her about it. Bring up the homework, and tell her you know she's been lying. Whatever you do, saying "I understand" does not work as well as you'd expect. No matter what you say about how things were the same for you, she won't respond warmly. This is real life, not a sitcom, and teen angst doesn't want to be understood by parents.

Answer 7

well, i am 13 years old and 12 was a tough year. i was at a new school with new friends and i was scared. and she also probably feels neglected with the new baby commin and is worried for her step dad. but dont say are you trying to get attention(which is what she is doing) she will just ignore it. to help with the homework have her write down everything in an assignment notebook or have her teachers e-mail you the homework. eventually she will get it. adn about the behavior i would have sort of a reward system. for every week she dosn't have a fight or act nasty, give her somthing at the end of the week or give her a point system which she can use for rewards too. i hope it helped. i know i sound young but i sounds a lot like me. soo dont look down on me because i am young. i hope it worked

♥Suzie♥

Answer 8

im 12, im a boy not a girl though,

what does she do when she comes home? whatever that is dont let her use it or do it till her homework is finished, ring the school and try set something up with them like the teachers give what homework she has been set to the headteacher and then ring the headteacher and ask her whats been set, then tell your daughter what she has to do before she gets to do whatever it is you kept from her or what you stopped her doing, i understand why she dont do her homework, because it's boring, i think so too, i find the more i do my homework , i just get used to it and it doesnt bother me anymore since i started upper school about 2 years ago i have been piled with homework and i used to cry about it sometimes it was too much but i started getting used to it and after about a year it just became part of life almost like eating or drinking.

good luck with everything

Answer 9

this must be tough for you. to make it nicer at home the best thing for you to do is to take her out regualrly and shop or eat or go somewhere fun that way she doesn't think so much about going home as a negative. it is important to be involved in your childs life. to make her realize that homework is important, you need to sitdown and talk to her about it. if she wants to do a certain job when she grows up, figure out what schooling she has to have and use that as a incentive for her to do her work. say it in a way that "if you want to be _________ when you grow up, then you need to buckle down and do your homework now so you will have a lot better chance of accomplishing it in life. you may need to do this more than once so be persistant. also you may want to do a incentive program where if she does her homework for a week then she gets to do something special on the weekend. this way she has something to work towards. this should help out a lot. it is not bribery, sometimes kids just need a little extra push to get them going. hope this helps. hang in there. things are going to be ok. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 10

She is probably upset by how much her family is changing. She wants things to stay the same.
The no homework thing is normal for teenagers and if she is like I was she was putting to much stress on herself and then when my mom would say, "Why?" I would want to scream "Cuz I want a normal life and I don't want another person sharing my life with me when you already added 3more kids and a stepdad! What was wrong with me and Dad???"
I felt like I was just an imperfection in her life and sometimes I still do. She needs love more than anything. Talk to her. She won't like it much at first... but eventually she will talk about what is going on. Share with her teachers what is going on and if they keep on giving her detention you might want to try to homeschool her or hire a tutor. It could just be she doesn't understand the material.
Hope this helps,
angel

Answer 11

hi, in this case not only your dauter has the problems[maybe]
it depend sometimes as why kids act like that.
either they dont get much attension at home or traeted unfairly.
well i think your daughter is going thruogh her teenage stage.
you say shes 12. she must be in year 7 or 8 right?
when year 9 comes everybody realises the importants of school,
and the teachers are a big help trust me i know.my child was exatly the same,and she realized when she started year 9.another thing they go into alot of stress when they are doing their exams,GOOD LUCK....