When I read about apologies I find that not everyone agrees on how they should be done. For example, I read that some people believe that one should not say sorry until after you have made up. But then I have read that you should not forgive someone until after they have apologized, many times by using the words "I'm sorry." These two ideas are in conflict with each other. Any thoughts.
2007-02-09 05:16:52 · 4 answers · asked by The Lonely Skywolf 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I have also read that saying "I'm sorry." is one of the first things you should do, as a means towards a favorable solution.
2007-02-09 05:20:30 · update #1
"Sorry" should be said only when you sincerely regret your actions or behavior. If the sorry is said as a means of self-preservation or for other selfish reasons, it is dishonest and will not move you toward resolving the conflict in the relationship. Dishonesty does not foster closeness and harmony. Rather, you have to first know and understand yourself - what you felt that caused you to behave or act in the way you did. Then consider how the other party is feeling and why. You should then openly, honestly and respectfully (not judgmentally) discuss it with the person you have had a conflict with. Then, if you believe that you were in the wrong, or are sorry for hurting the other party in some way, then apologize and be specific about what you are apologizing for. If the other party is hurt because of an opinion or belief you hold, you can express understanding and empathy for the hurt the other is feeling while maintaining your opinion. Do not make the mistake of sacrificing yourself in order to sooth or appease the other party, or otherwise avoid the conflict. If you both are able to do this, then you have helped create a close, healthy relationship in which conflict can be dealt with and resolved in such a way that each of you honors and respects the other. Don't just "make up" - find a way to resolve the conflict and thus strengthen your relationship. For me personally, the first step should always be prayer.
2007-02-09 05:51:10 · answer #1 · answered by Sheri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that in ones life there will always be problems between you and another person. Issues will never go away, and tomorrow is another day, it's upto you to decide whether you want peace in your life, or whether you want the issue to still be there. If you feel genuinly sorry, then you should just say it. All these techniques, and being sly about 'when is the right time', is just a load of crap. Soory to say, but it is. Just make up, and even if your not in the wrong, just make the effort to make it up.
It's simple, there's nothing really complex about it. Why shouldnt you say sorry before making up?? Just say sorry when it needs to be said. Quite simple I think
2007-02-09 05:22:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make up until someone or both of you admits that you hurt the other person. Therefore you have to say that you're sorry before you make up. Otherwise, how do you make up??
2007-02-09 05:21:04 · answer #3 · answered by Lepke 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
before saying " i am sorry " one has to make sure the other is receptive to the apology. if not it will look like you are weak in their eyes. or they may just add demands, only you will know when to say it.
2007-02-09 05:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋