Married w/ first child on the way for wife and I. I have two children from a previous relationship. Need advic

Question

I am married w/ a child on the way with my wife and I also have two children(6 and 5) from a previous relationship. The mother of my two children hates my wife, and over the years I have bent to her demands when it comes to visitation. I can only see my children if I stay at the mother's house-they cannot come to the house my wife and I share-simply because their mother doesn't want them there. On top of it, my wife and I live separately-not separated-because I took a job out of town. With my wife pregnant, and me not having resolved the situation w/ visitation of my first two-things are getting really bad. Any advice is welcome. My wife is wonderful to my children,they've never been hurt in here care-it's their mother(and my to some extent)selfishness. How can I have a "normal" family? All I want is for my children and my wife and our new child to be to be as close to a family as possible.

Answer 1

Your devotion should be to your current wife, not your ex.

Also, living seperately is not a good situation when you have a baby on the way. Your wife is going to need help with the baby and help taking care of the kids (all of them). How are you going to do that living away from them?

You need to re-evaluate your priorities. Your wife and children should come first.

Answer 2

First of all your ex wife (the mother of your first two children) needs to realize she is hurting the children by her actions (not letting them go to their father's house). She may think she is hurting you but it really falls on the innocent children which need a stable place to be at all times. You need to talk to her and let her know that you are concerned about the children when you ask that they come to your house during visitation time. I am not putting any blame on anyone. It is a mistake a lot of people make when they divorce with children. They unknowingly involve the kids in their own petty disputes. Children are uprooted during divorce and it is very traumatizing for them. The more stable divorced parents can make the situation for the children the better the children will get through it. Sit down with your ex wife and talk these things out in a mature adult manner. Considering the kids. And is there any way you could find a job close to home? I know sometimes we have to do what we have to do to survive. But I think it is a bad thing for any marriage.

Answer 3

Make sure that you have court ordered visitation.It will say if the visit has to be supervised or not.Then when the visit starts you go pick up the children,and then take them back later.If you are grown there's no reason you have to visit the children where she dictates.You keep bending and you will break something...Why don't you and the wife buy one house together and not have the seperation at all.Buy a big one with a good yard for tha children to play in..Get the EX out of the way and have a Happy Family...Blessings.

Answer 4

Dear asker,

Unless is specified on the divorce decree that you cannot have the kids at other place than their place of residence then you have all the legal right to have your kids where ever you feel like.

I see that the ex-w is resenting your new wife (I'm assuming she was the mistress) but she has no legal right to deny you visitation.

My suggestion to you, is to take her to Family Court over this, You don't need a lawyer to make a complaint, but if you have one, I suggest for him to come with you. Simply state to the judge what you have said here and they will set the record straight.

If you have to have supervised visitations only or is specified in the decree that you are not to take the kids with you or stay at your home when having a female concubine, then your only option is to ask the judge for an amendment to the decree or to reconsider the decision. Besides, she is now your wife and that portion of the agreement would no longer apply.

Good luck

Answer 5

Ok, first of all, who cares if your ex-wife doesn't want your kids to go to your home with your new wife. You have a legal right to see your kids (assuming you have joint custody) and that means unless the courts say you can't, you can have them in your home, with your new wife. I think it's ridiculous that you've been visiting them at her house. If I were your new wife, that would be a HUGE problem. Unless your ex-wife has a legitimate reason for the kids to not be around your new wife...something other than the fact she doesn't like her, forget her issues. You're not married to her anymore, and unless it's going to effect the welfare of your children, she has no say in the matter.

Second, you're never going to have a normal life if you don't live with your spouse...and soon to be child. Put your foot down, move in with your wife, let your children become a part of your new growing family, and tell your ex she'll have to deal with it.

You do realize that once your new wife has the baby, you'll have 3 kids you don't live with. I personally would have huge issues with that. I don't know how easy it would be for you to move, but I think that's a must.

Answer 6

Is there a possession/ visitation order? If there is, go by it. You do not have to visit your children at the mother's home. You pick them, take them with you, and return them at the designated time. You have a new wife, and they have a new sibling on the way. They should be a part of that.

It really sounds like you need to stand up to the mother. She does not call the shots. Pick your kids up at the designated time, and bring them back at the designated time. Other than that, she has no legal say in where or whom the kids are with.

If there is not a possession/ visitation order in place, get one. This will clear it all up. What you need to realize is that your ex does not make rules concerning how and what you do with you kids.

Basically, you need to grow a pair. By allowing her to call the shots the way she is, you are letting her still have some control over you.

Answer 7

I would get a lawyer if you can afford it. Ex has No right just because "she doesnt Like the wife". She is hurting her kids by being this way. I am confused about one thing though, you said "they cannot come to the house my wife and I share-simply because their mother doesn't want them there. On top of it, my wife and I live separately-not separated-because I took a job out of town." Do you have 3 homes? It sounds like it gonna take a judge to settle this because your ex isnt willing to take her children into consideration. Its not like your ex is coming too, she doesnt have to even see your wife, sheesh, she really needs to grow up and be a woman. (she gives good women a bad name)

Answer 8

You have every right for that to happen - let me say. The mother of your two children has no right to make those demands on you. I know that you've given into her demands in the past but now is the time to stop it. You have to be the one to stand up for your marriage and your family. This other woman is bound and determined to not let your marriage be a happy one.
Tell her that you will go to court if needed and that from this point on, your children will be going to the household in which your wife is at. She will just have to deal with that. You are both those kids parents and she needs to grow the heck up!
Good luck hun!

Answer 9

I don't see how your ex-wife can dictate the terms of your visitation with your children, unless it's by court order. It sounds to me over the years you've simply caved in to your ex-wife's demands, and never gotten anything in writing. Basically, now you might have to go back to court, and make sure that the visitation agreement states that you can take the children to your own home. If I were your wife, I would NOT want you staying at your ex-wife's house to visit your children. While I applaud you for being a good father to your children, you also need to be a good husband to your new wife (who is expecting another one of your children). You need to move your wife and new baby to the town in which you are living, it is NOT good for any marriage to do it long distance. It will spell disaster for your marriage in the long run, and then you'll be dealing with this issue with 2 ex-wifes with 2 sets of children. And that's DEFINITELY not "normal."

Basically, you put your foot down with your ex-wife. You tell her, point blank that you will be taking YOUR children to YOUR house. Make sure that there's nothing in the custody agreement that prevents you from doing this, but I doubt there is. She can get angry, she can throw a fit, but if she doesn't allow you to take the children, you simply take her to court, to enforce the custody agreement that's already in place.

Answer 10

I think you need to take your ex to court. She doesn't decide where you visit your daughter, and she needs to stay out of your new wife's business. Seriously she can't hold them as bait, to make you dance to her tune. As soon as visitation is set in court, and she doesn't follow through you go file a contempt of court on her, and she is going to have to stop the games. She has to move on and get over it as hard as it may be. Neither you nor your wife need this stress, you should be enjoying the time together with your new baby, and the siblings, without having someone in your business. That's the best thing you can do, because for you ex it's all about contol. Let a judge give her a reality dose.