saving yourself for marriage?

Question

Is savng yourself for marriage really the best thing to do? And if you did, do you think it was/is worth it?

Answer 1

Love. You could say I had a mild obsession with it. Okay, maybe a huge obsession with it. Since middle school the only thing on my mind was a boyfriend. Sixth grade through eighth grade I had a crush on the same person. We dated for two months, and it was over. Nothing serious.

Ninth grade came around and it felt like I was on a double-dosage of obsession with love and romance. There were hundreds of boys in high school. Around every corner was another cute guy that could be my potential life partner.

With hundreds of guys around it didn’t take long to find a boyfriend. The first guy that noticed me was the first serious boyfriend I had. Within one month he was insisting that I have sex with him.

“I’m sixteen. I should be having sex every day,” he loudly claimed in the hallway before third period.

My head fell down in shame as I starred at the grimy tile beneath me. “Okay, fine,” I reluctantly said. “I’ll do it.”

A few days later my virginity was stolen. The experience was nothing short of painful; emotionally and physically. He took advantage of me and he knew it. My heart was torn into a million pieces and my soul felt so dark and empty. The gift of me was unwrapped, and this couldn’t have been my future husband.

I wanted romance. When I was fourteen I lost my virginity to a boy who cheated, lied, and abused me. Certainly, that was not romance. It took me nine long months to end that heartbreaking relationship. However, my search for love didn’t end there.

Shortly thereafter my eyes were set on another guy. He was a close friend and nothing more. Well, except for the occasional make-out sessions after school. I thought for sure we could have a romantic relationship. Fall in love and live happily ever after. I was wrong.

He would never give in. He didn’t want a relationship—just a make-out buddy. Unfortunately, he only added to the breaking of my love-thirsty heart. At that point, I absolutely needed to find the one and know that he was out there. Yes, I was only fifteen, but I felt like I would die if I didn’t have love. Where was my future husband?

During most classes I was mostly writing poems and dreaming about romance.

Time passed and I dated several more guys. Each one battered and bruised the beauty of my soul until I felt like nothing was left. My need for a boyfriend and love led me into relationships that had no meaning. Every time I met someone else I knew they weren’t right for me, but my hungry heart needed something to feed on. Instead of being fed, however, my soul was drained to the core.

I may not have continued down the path of sex, but I did continue down the path of emotional promiscuity. My heart was given to every one that wanted a piece of it, until there was nothing left for my future husband.

I was never good enough for anyone I dated. Whether it was physically, internally, spiritually, or emotionally. Eventually I thought I was worthless and not good enough for anyone. Shattered, I became engaged when I was nineteen to someone who was clearly not the right person for me. My hopeless romantic heart was lost and I settled.

Countless people and circumstances tried to stop me from marrying this person, but it wasn’t until one month before the wedding that I knew it wasn’t right.

Surprisingly, ending that relationship was incredibly easy. The guy I was with knew it was wrong, too. He wanted someone I wasn’t, and vice versa. My dreams of romance were not fulfilled when I was with him, only crushed. We both knew it.

The relationship ended. At last, I allowed my heart some time to heal and rejuvenate.

During my year of singleness I read every book on romance and marriage I could find. My heart still desired romance, but I wanted it to be right next time. I wanted to be ready for the real thing.

The end of the year was coming closer and closer and I felt more and more ready. My future husband was coming soon.

So, I waited, and it happened.

Just before the year ended my future husband entered my life story. Finally! Christmas Eve we met and our lives felt complete. I would have married him that very night. Everything inside of me felt like screaming, “This is right! The one! Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!"

When I met my husband I felt a deep regret for my past. How could I have done that to him? Giving so many pieces of myself to other people for so many years, especially the precious gift of my virginity.

One night before my husband, George, and I were married we lied on his living room floor crying about our pasts. He had remained a virgin but also entered other serious relationships and had given in to some sexual temptation. We cried and cried until we were enveloped in tears.

We both searched for so long to find each other. Being in his arms, finally, was the best feeling I can describe. I was home, at last.

The feeling was, for once, mutual.

If only I could have waited. If only my passion for love could have been focused on God and my future husband, not others. I wish I would have known how amazing it would be when I essentially found the right one. Never, in a million years, would I have dated anyone else.

I suppose sometimes it’s impossible to find your future spouse without at least dating and dating isn’t harmful if there are clear boundaries. However, if I could go back in time I would have never ever gotten into a serious relationship unless I knew—for a fact—it was the right person. After finding him I realized those relationships were pointless.

I could have saved myself a lot of pain and brokenness. My husband could have had every part of me, virginity and all—if only I would have waited!

When someone tells you true love is worth waiting for… they mean it!

I mean it. My husband was worth waiting for.

If only…

Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Giving away your heart, virginity, and love is meant to be for one person. The person that you will look into his/her eyes one day and say, “I do.”

And if you’re like me and have already fallen victim to giving parts of you away, it’s not too late to turn yourself around and wait.

Believe me, when you meet that person you will wish you had waited.

Answer 2

I really do believe this is a very personal choice, so I can only tell you my opinion. I don't subscribe to any religion that influences you to not have premartial sex, that being said I do believe that the first time you give yourself to someone in the most intimate and emotional way, it should be special. This isn't some antiquated notion of a woman's virginity being some sort of 'prize' and that's why you should hold onto it.

I think if you are going to make a commitment to marriage there is no possible way that sex and intimacy will not play a huge part in your relationship. Notice I say sex and intimacy...not just sex. How do you know if you are going to have that connection with the person you are marrying if you wait until after?

I'm not saying this is the foundation to every successful relationship, but I am saying it's important. Sex and intimacy is a language in it's own right, it is a form of communication in a relationship. It's a physical expression of love.

Answer 3

Nah. I don't think it'll hurt you or your marriage to wait, so don't rush out and go all nympho because you think it's better.

But what's a marriage? It's a ceremony and a piece of paper. The love and commitment is already there before the ceremony... and I suspect that, if tomorrow marriage was banned and religious leaders started preaching against it, most married people would still consider themselves bound to and in love with their spouse. The marriage is basically a legal shorthand, and an excuse to throw a big party and wear a pretty white dress:)

Wait until three things come into alignment.
1. You're old enough and mature enough to both want sex and have a solid plan to deal with the potential consequences, both physical and emotional
2. You're in love...
3. ... with someone who's in love with you.

If that's not until you are married, so be it. If it's before... then be extra safe and responsible.

Answer 4

Having sex is a personal choice, and should be accepted either way. One should ever look down on someone for being a virgin nor for NOT being a virgin.

I did NOT save myself for marriage and I don't regret it at all. I made the right choice for me at the time. I never bought into the whole "precious gift" stuff. My first time was wonderful, thoughtful, and gentle. I loved him, and am glad that my first time was with him. No, this was not with the man who became my husband.

My husband was a virgin on our wedding night, and frankly I wish he hadn't been one. Our first couple of times were terrible. I didn't have my first orgasm with him until 3 months later (approx.). He was an EXTREMELY slow learner; couldn't take instruction if his life depended on it. However, once he got it...he got it. Now nearly 7 years later he is has reached Sex god like status in my mind.

I will say I'm tiered of boastful virgins. You know the kind that look at you with disdain if you aren't or weren't before you got married. I know a virgin, beautiful girl, that owns more sex toys than I do. (no joke) Shows her naked body on cam, masturbates in front of various men, and does everything but the actually act (no vaginal, anal, or oral). She is still a virgin, and tells everyone who will sit still long enough that she is. Says how glad she is for saving herself for her wedding night, how momentous her experience will be compared to everyone who didn't wait (I suppose). How "precious of a gift" will she have to give on her wedding night? She is a sweet girl but when she starts talking sex I have to get up and leave. She may be a technical virgin but she lost her innocence LONG ago.

Answer 5

Ok. Ignore everyone who has told you that you have to have sex for a relationship to work. You don't!

It's a personal choice for everyone.

I have not had sex. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year, and he is willing to wait for me. I know that it's the best choice for me. There are too many things I want to do with my life. I don't want to worry about pregnancy! Also, sex can cause a lot of trouble in a relationship. My bf has been with other people, and he knows how complicated things can get.

In the end, it's up to you. I urge you to really think about it before you decide to have sex. Make sure it's the right man, whether you are married yet or not.

Answer 6

I didnt do it but I was just a horny guy. I didnt have sex until 20 tho. On the other hand stuff happens and can you deal with being pregnant and raising kids. There is a lot to go into it but sex is an important part of life and a relationship. I always saw it as something to get out of the way. Get the sexual tension out of the air.

Answer 7

Glad I never did! Why go into a marriage ignorant and unskilled and inexperienced and afraid? Besides, sad to think like this but there is no guarantee you (or anyone) will live that long. People die young every day. You wanna risk dying a virgin? Now I hate to think of all the good feelin' I would miss if I had waited for marraige! (would still be waiting, how depressing) But you have to decide for yourself, that's for sure. Guess it depends on if you think of virginity as some precious thing, or somethig to "get past"

Answer 8

I think, if that is what you really want to do, fine. But I can't help but wonder, what if the guy is lousy in bed or really kinky in a way that you are not or all kinds of other issues - that can really ruin a relationship. Personally I would rather find out before getting married - but that's me. Btw, I lost my virginity at 15 (9 years before getting married) and never regretted it.

Answer 9

Yes, I saved my self for marriage. I was married for 37 years. My husband cheated on me many times. But I have no regrets. I am my morals. The reason for the divorce was he was cheating once again this time with my younger sister who has slept with everyone in town. If that is the trash he wants go for it. He will reap what he sows one day. I am glad I do not have to stand before my maker and explain my behavior. Hold true to what you belief. What other people do is not what best suits you. Be true to yourself and you will be glad.

Answer 10

It is the best thing to do , to others it may sound outrageous.100 % protection from STDs ,and you experience unconditional love.The reason why there is a high rate of divorce , It is because sex becomes the first priority in a relationship rather than getting to know and truly love each other .Physical attraction is always confused for love that is the reason why abstinence will help you determine if the person you are with is with you for other means than to love you or cherish you.

Answer 11

Depends on your age. 30 years ago women were married in their teens. But today, most women are waiting until they are in their 30's to marry. I think this is very unrealistic to assume she will wait for marriage before becoming sexual.

Having said that, should you feel that waiting until marriage is the best decision for you, don't forget that you can still be a sexual woman without having sex. It would be very helpful for you to learn your own body and how to achieve orgasm before you are married.