why don't i seem to care that my sister is dying?

Question

i'm 15 years old. i have a sister who's 18 (nearly) and has a 20/80 chance of living, something along those lines anyway....so everyone's still hoping.

i don't know why but it's not hitting me...we were always so close and she's awesome. i'm not upset in any way.....so then i try to think of what it would be like without her, it doesn't upset me...i feel like i'd just live on.

i rather not talk about it but i know i do have friends to talk to about it and teachers and stuff....this is really when i thought "what is wrong with me," cause a teacher asked me to come talk to her and she was cool about it and she was like "so how r u about the situation" and i didn't know what to say, i don't feel anything!!

what's wrong with me?...

, Jenny

Answer 1

nothing is wrong with you
maybe u r in a state of shock
maybe u dont no her as well as u think and therefore dont no how to react
maybe u hav a bigger distraction like a boyfriend or has anything bigger and more important to u happened?

Answer 2

Jenny,
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You love your sister. It is a terrible thing that is happening to her. You are devastated on the inside. You just are feeling numb because a part of you can not accept it yet.
There is still a part of you in disbelief. Maybe your brain or logical side knows what is happening, but your emotions and heart do not believe it.
In a way, it is unbelievable, I mean how many 18 year olds actually die? You read and hear about it happening, but chances are you never considered that it could happen in your family. And it is very far from "common". So yes, it is perfectly legitimate for a part of you not to believe it.
also, the "shock" is still affecting you. This is such a difficult thing to face it may be that you just can't at this time.
You can tell your teacher exactly how you feel about the "shock" and just being numb. A lot of people are numb when something like this happens out of the blue.
My father died in an accident, and I could not feel anything for a very long time. At his funeral, I felt like such a jerk because I was not really crying. My eyes were defying me and the tears would not come out. I think it was really because of the shock and it is normal for people to be in "denial", and some stay in that denial for a long time.
Keep talking to your friends, and be sure you stay close to your sister. Even if it is awkward, she really needs you now. I hope and pray she does pull through, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you also.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are "in denial."
Intellectually you know what's going on with your sister and the likelihood that you will lose her, but emotionally you are in denial. There's a built-in self protective mechanism within each of us that tries to spare us from hurt and heartache by softening the emotional blows that such situations can bring us. This way we can continue to function and take care of business (at least for awhile) without feeling totally devastated by grief. We go emotionally numb for awhile. All this is pretty automatic, and doesn't indicate in any way that you don't love your sister, or that there's anything truly wrong with you.
Also, your sister is still living, and underneath it all there's undoubtedly a part of you that's still wishing and hoping that the doctors are wrong and that you won't really lose her after all. You probably aren't yet feeling the whole emotional impact about your sister's illness because there's this big part of you that still would like to believe that she will continue to be with you for a long, long time.

Answer 4

Jenny, nothing is wrong with you. People respond differently to grief. You mention that you and your sister were always so close and that now she has a 20/80 chance of survival. Your "inability to feel anything" may be your body's response to this stressful situation. Your coping mechanism appears to be denial. You are not yet ready to accept your sister's situation and are telling yourself that you will be fine living without her. This is frequently referred to as the first stage of grief.
Utilize the people around you as a support system and don't forget to include your sister as I'm sure she has feelings that she needs to discuss as well.

Answer 5

You do love your sister, and it sounds like u have a great relationship. You are just not allowing yourself to accept the situation that is happening, which makes u think u don't care. If your mind tells u it isn't really happening then u don't have to deal with the feelings that would come with the situation. Just be with your sister and let her know u love her and deal with it the best u can, and just know that u have people around u that u can talk to when u need to. I pray everything goes well for u and your family.

Answer 6

Jenny, don't beat yourself up over this. I am going through the same thing with my Mom. She IS dying (no 20/80 there - she's down to about 80 pounds, completely bedridden, weak, wasting away every day), and sometimes I either don't feel anything or I feel impatient for it to all be over with.

Last night we thought it was over. She hadn't had any output for about 38 hours, and she had alot of deep congestion in her chest. We thought her kidneys had shut down and we knew that it would be only a matter of hours. THAT was when it hit me. I couldn't imagine life without her in this earth, and even though death eventually happens to each and every one of us, it seemed like the most horrific, unnatural thing in the world to be facing her loss.

This morning she seems to have rallied some, and I understand from hospice that it can go that way sometimes. Up and down, good and then scary. But my point is this: There is NO right or wrong way to feel, and some of what you're experiencing is perfectly natural - it's called self-preservation. Your mind doesn't want to accept this, so you've in effect distanced yourself from it.

I think that is perfectly natural, and so do alot of people (hospice volunteers for instance), who work with this every day and know what it's like to go through it.

Like my Mom, your sister may have good and bad days. YOU will have good and bad days, because as things go on the pressure gets to be pretty intense. So please don't feel evil or believe something is wrong with you. You are simply reacting as any loving, normal, healthy person would who doesn't want to see someone they care about suffer or depart this earth.

Hope this helps -

Answer 7

Well from what I know it is pretty normal to feel this way. U are just not ready to face that fact that ur sister is dying. Many people go through this kind of stage. It must be hard though, the best thing for u to do is spend time with ur sister and help her through this time. It will also help u understand and be ready if she does die. I hope that u can find the strength to stay strong for ur sister. I hope that the odds are good for ur sister. take care

Answer 8

Maybe you know about the BIGGER picture. This time we spend here on earth as humans is just a little tiny speck in the big picture.

It's important that you show compassion to your family and your sister - as they are probably sad and scared. But if you are not feeling those things yourself - it's okay. Think of it as a blessing. You can be the strong one for everyone else!

Namaste!

Answer 9

I don't think it has really hit you yet. Different people have different ways of coping with things. I will be praying for you sister and you as well. Just spend as much time with her as you can, and treasure the memories you have together.

Answer 10

You are young and you said that "you'll are still hoping",so it hasn't hit home yet.You are normal,your sister is still there with you.Just enjoy every minute with her and have the memories.Stay strong and don't question yourself.If the worst happens, take the offers up to talk.Until then enjoy your life and your sister....Believe in Miracles....Always.