We co-own a house, he pays the mortage, I pay the bills. On his day off he drinks, eats everything in the house, leaves all the lights on, turns up the heat. I have no money for a lawyer,and no where for me and my child to go to. A shelter or friends is not possible, I need to keep my son in school and me in work, and it wouln't matter anyway, all the utilities are in my name, therefore I am responcible for them, and if I leave he'd just run them up anyway! The house is the only money I have, I feel helpless, any suggestions?
2007-02-09 03:29:01 · 22 answers · asked by tdybear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since divorce is inevitable, he has to understand that the only way the two of you will come out ahead is if you use a mediating attorney --- kicking him out, and those other suggestions --- call the police, result in nothing happening, hon. Ignore those idiots.
A mediating attorney represents you both. (Look in the phone book under Attorney - Divorce - Mediating... You and he agree how your estate, which includes your house and savings plans, is to be split... the more you agree on going in, , the less it will cost you both... A mediating attorney simply fills out your wishes on the forms, you both sign, he files it, and the cost is $75-300 depending upon the state... shop arround.... get some papers off the internet to see what they look like, (they cost about $15) so your time with that attorney is even less... the longer it takes, the more $$ it costs. What you wish to avoid at all costs --- him as well--- is an adversarial stance where you each get an attorney and haggle over nickels and dimes.... They drag it on for years, and you each end up paying $6000 !!!! to the goddamn attorney. The only civilized way to end a marriage is thru mediation, and each of you to be realistic... If he is drinking and running up bills, he is pissed as hell at you, he is about to not have a wife and family, either thru his doings or yours, it makes no difference.... if it's over, it's over...and if he doesn't wish to come out broke, he'd better wise up, and get real, and you need to tell him that...attorneys are rich for a reason --- they feed on the anger of others. Don't let them feed on you both.
And don't leave the house.... the guy who leaves comes out with the least.... You both can agree to live there until it is sold, or a settlement is made. If he leaves, of course, it would be better for you. If he chooses not to, agree to separate quarters, or whatever suits you both until you can actually financially get out. Leaving the house translates in law into abandonment.....
Helpful? write if you need more...
2007-02-09 03:55:14 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Statistically people who are divorced are no less unhappy then when they were married. Is there any way that you can keep your marriage together, even for your child? You must understand that divorce is going to ruin your child's life and upset the foundation he/she has for future relationships. I understand that it's hard but let me tell you a story I heard.
There was a fireman fighting a fire one day and he compared that to marriage and divorce. He sade that when fighting a fire it's the same feeling as wearing a hot, heavy sweater during the hottest day of summer. Claustrophobic!! He said that the only reason wearing heavy clothing in summer is intolerable is because we have the choice not to. If the choice was not there, it somehow becomes bearable- because you endure. He said that he has to wear a heavy coat and pants when he fights fire in the heat and he never gets the TEAR THIS STUFF OFF NOW OR I'M GOING TO DIE feeling. The fact that he is baking never even enters his mind because there is nothing he can do about it- taking the gear off is not an option.
Marriage and divorce are the same way. So many people are getting divorces because they consider it an option. Even if it's the last option, they will still turn to it when things get too 'hot.' Marriage is very tolerable when you don't keep your eye on the exit door. There will be times that you think about divorce, but take that as a warning that YOU need to work on making things 'cooler,' not just running from the heat.
Life IS hot, heat IS everywhere! :)
2007-02-09 11:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Humble Proclaimer♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sell the house and get into a small apartment until you find a house that you can afford. If you move out and he stays longer, shut off the utilities to force him out.
As for the food, this more work, but he won't be able to eat during the day or more than he needs, buy your meals on a daily basis. Go to the grocery store right after work and pick up that night's meal only.
You may need to open your mind to living in a shelter. It's not a bad thing to ask for help.
2007-02-09 11:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooo the only reasons you have given for a divorce is that he runs the bills up? You have a child with this man, you obviously loved him enough to marry him and have a child together, and you want to throw all that away because he turns the heat up when your at work? Maybe you should try sitting down and talking with him telling him you are trying to spend money wisely and it would be nice if he could keep the heat down and the lights off when he leaves a room.
If he refuses then say "ok well then either you give me some extra money for bills, or be mature enough to turn them off"
This is a small issue, just TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND!!
2007-02-09 14:11:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An electric bill is not a good excuse for a divorce. I think you need to talk through this with him and tell him how this makes you feel. Why don't you pay the mortgage and he can pay the bills? Maybe then he will understand.
Marriage shouldn't be so seperate anyway. This is his house, too. His electric bill. Your mortgage. Start sharing life together a little more and not making bills and finances so seperate. Have a joint account and do the bills together. Have a family budget.
Money is one of the main reasons for divorce and I think that is crazy. If money is more important than love, we are in a sad state of being.
2007-02-09 11:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by crimsnclover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the power company and have them take the utilities out of your name. They will contact him to put it in his name or cut you off. But, depending on where you live you will be responsible for half the bills because you are married. There is free legal service out there. Most lawyers no you have no money until the home is sold. See what you can work out with one. My ex did not pay a time of his lawyers fees until we sold the house. I paid my along as I went and he was the one having the affair. Your lawyer could possible freeze your debts again depending on where you live. So he can not keep adding debt. Call for the free legal aid each day will only make it worse. Go to a church and see if they can get you a safe place to live. God bless and good luck.
2007-02-09 11:55:10 · answer #6 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can at anytime put the bills in his name you know. do it now,
open a savings account in another bank your name only, and put in 5 bucks,
then when ever in you a couple of dollars put it in, anything will help.
Now call some divorce lawyers, some will talk to you for free for a hour or so, so call, call and call some more.
You can tell the folks you work with your problems on the basic level and maybe someone there may have some ideas too.
also it would not hurt to tell your sons teacher about the hell at home so she or he can have a heads up where your son is concerned.
good luck,
2007-02-09 11:37:52 · answer #7 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can file for divorce with out a lawyer, but will need filing fees. With that you can file motions for child support and possibly having him keep up the mortgage on the marital home. Many states have a lawyer of the day available at your county courthouse for some free legal advice.
Guess I'm lucky, spouse is staying in the home without problems while we sell.
2007-02-09 11:38:45 · answer #8 · answered by DL13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on where you live, you may want to consider having all the utilities shut off then find a nice little apartment somewhere. Sell the house and, with a lawyers help, get half the proceeds to start a new life somewhere.
2007-02-09 11:40:20 · answer #9 · answered by H.B.K. 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't officially filed the divorce yet, you really don't have many options. Once you file however, your attorney may be able to stay in the house and he may have to move out. That may be temporary until you both figure out what happens to your joint posessions. You may have to sell the house and split the proceeds, you may have to buy him out of the house, but that comes a little later. The only way out is to start the filing process and see what your attorney can work out for you. I believe that in most states a restraining order is part of the separation paperwork.
2007-02-09 11:49:35 · answer #10 · answered by Leslie H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋