Please dont try to criticize my question or down grade me in the least this is a question that I am sincere about. My fiancee is incarcerated and we do have a 2 year old and he is who I want to be with. His mother and I have always smiled in each others faces but behind close doors its totally different. My family is country and her's is prudish like richy snobby people. Well she recently told him at visitation that there;s this guy hanging around with me. Truthfully he is a friend of my 16 y/o's cousin who lives with me. She is always trying to start things with me and him. How can I tell her to bascially mind her own business without hurting her or my fiancee, because that is his mother and he loves her? Also how can I tell my fiancee that she starts trouble and doesnt fully tell the truth? He thinks she is everything that is possible good in this world. And I know her true colors. Any advice from mature women that have been in a situation like this would really be appreciated.
2007-02-09 03:13:08 · 18 answers · asked by jdnsmama1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay girl, let me tell you, I have been there.. but explain to your man that you and his mother has issues.. and that maybe he could talk to her about the situation. He is the one who holds the key.... he has to be the one to tell his mother to stop what she is doin or what ever... you can't then he will be mad at you and you don't want that.. then the Mother would really turn against you. and he will always remember that you disrespected his mother. then its going to be more problems.. believe me honey child.. I know.. and this is sista to sista... so just keep yo mouth shut don't say nothing to his mother or about her.. stay sweet to her.. even if it is fake.. now let me put this out there.. I don't like to tell people to be fake.. but if it keeps the peace, then by any means necessary.....do what you have to do to keep the peace between you and your man, and his mother... tell him to take care of it.. don't hold everything in let your man know how you are feeling.. then tell him to say something to his mother about it... believe me.. His mother is more willing to listen to him than you... good luck.
2007-02-09 03:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by TeTe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to turn a son against his mother, so don't try. Keep your distance from this woman and live your life above board, so that she'll get caught in her own lies. You might ask her why she doesn't like you (and I probably would ask her that in a nice way), but don't be surprised if you don't get an honest answer. At least she'll know you're on to her games and that might calm her down.
It may be that she's afraid of losing her son, which means she sees you as a threat. Or, she may genuinely feel that you're not good enough for her son; but that's not her decision to make. You'll have to be smarter than her. When you visit your man, don't waste time talking about his mother. If he asks you about something she's said, tell him the truth and move on. Don't tell him she's a liar; let him discover that himself by always hearing the truth from you.
If you're patient, you may be able to break her hold on him.
2007-02-09 03:52:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his mother is out to get you,then you need to be ready.
Make sure you write down everything you do everyday, a book basically.
When your B/F ?'s you on things give him the book.
Don't say anything bad to him about his mother let him figure it out himself.
If you pretend that it doe's not bother you and don't say anything, she will be the one complaining all the time and he will get tired of it.
Just say your hellos and goodbyes to her like she is just a person on the street, But no matter what you do don't tell him; it's her or you cause you will lose.
It may take awhile for him to open his eyes. If you don't feel like waiting then end the relationship now. It will be a bumpy ride.
You may also want to ask his mother why she does the things she does. Maybe she feels like she is going to lose her son or you are trying to replace her. Maybe she is the type of person that likes drama in her life or she is just an evil person.
2007-02-09 03:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was the same situation I was in about a year and a half ago. You basically need to set her straight politely. Tell her that its your 16 year old cousins friend and that you absolutely love and adore her son and want to marry him. Tell her how you feel about him and then make sure to tell him too and make sure he knows about the 16 year old cousins friend and that you'd never do anything like that to him. Tell him also that you respect him and his mother but tell him what his mother has been doing without him around. Go from there, if he loves you then he will lean towards you. Good Luck!!
2007-02-09 03:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough situation when the son sees no wrong in his mother. My last relationship was exactly the same. No matter what his mom did to try to break us up he just couldn't see it, and it started many fights. The only reason mothers do that is jealousy. They want to be number one in their son's lives, and the caregiver, and they don't want them caring for any other woman, and that is really wrong. You can never confront the mother on your own, that would be a big mistake. The son will side with u and then u will have a big fight on your hands. The only time she will even begin to stop is if he has a talk with her. You need to sit and really discuss this with him, and let him know u love him but his mother is really making it difficult for u. You need to have very good examples of this when u do talk to him, to help him see it clearly. If he doesn't talk to her, this will continue your whole relationship. I ended up leaving my relationship because of this problem, and the fact he wouldn't confront his mom. Good luck, I hope it all works out.
2007-02-09 03:22:18 · answer #5 · answered by Amber 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just explain the situation honestly to your fiancee. Don't try to make him pick sides between you and his mother. Just let him know the truth and he will be able to see for himself. Once he has the facts, he will be able to see what is going on. You could try talking to his mother. Let her know the situation and that you love her son and would not do anything to hurt him. I haven't been in a situation exactly like yours, but I have been in the situation of having a mother-in-law that had her on agenda. Once she realizes that you have his best interests at heart, she will stop trying to break up the relationship.
2007-02-09 03:21:52 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your fiancee has a choice to make. He either loves you and trusts you, or he doesnt. If he really, really trusts you, it wouldnt matter what his mother told him, he will choose to side with you. Put it to him like this, you either trust me or you dont. And if you dont, then this relationship is not going to work. And maybe then he can spend the rest of his life with his mother.
2007-02-09 03:18:05 · answer #7 · answered by an88mikewife 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Understand that my answer is an attempt at being HELPFUL and not hurtful. So here goes: When you imagine your mind the perfect life for yourself, is this seriously it? THIS is what you wanted for yourself and your children? FACT CHECK: Your man is in prison, you are more than likely supporting yourself with little to no help, you have a 2 year old together and your loving loyal super guy STILL hasn't married you, and his mother clearly wants you out of the picture! Before you ask for advice on how to make ALL of this seem brighter, first you have to ask yourself why you're putting you and your 2 year old through all of this? Seriously, why????????
2007-02-09 03:27:47 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
if your fiancee loves you he will believe you no matter what she tries to tell him and if he is that close to his mom then he probly already knows how she really feels about you and aparently he doesnt care too much about her opinion if you have been together for that long and you have a kid together and are planning to get married
2007-02-09 03:55:08 · answer #9 · answered by cnwhab4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard many times over that it is the responsibility of the child of the problem causing in-law to handle it. That means your fiance. You need to talk to him and let him know that you love him very much but that her actions hurt you. Don't get into harsh details and mud slinging. That will only hurt your relationship with him. Let him know that you would like him to speak to her.
Good luck.
2007-02-09 03:29:47 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋