I just got married, two months now, but.....help?

Question

Since a month a go we have started arguing a lot , she accuses me of being very careless with everything and She does not make vivid elaborations on those things ,except on one issue where she said I am the one who soil the bath towel the most, I vehemently disagreed with this.
I am confused...is she trying to win a mind game over me and then she programmes my thinking...Phrases like she never expected this type of life leaves me confused.She is fond of doing somethings on her own like decisions on finance and complains she never knew me as much since we were dating while not living in the same area for long. We stayed less than a year and got married. I am 32 and she is 28, I live with my two sisters and my son from previous relationship and she brought forth her sister.
Now, what do I do...Is there going to be a remedy for this? I am infact annoyed and I dont know I might resort into doing bad things..By the way ,from today, will start using my own bathtowel and wash it myself

Answer 1

Get your own bath towel and do not waste our time.

Answer 2

Honey, there's no need to panic, this is quite normal actually as bad as it sounds it's true, and I do think it is best that you use your own towel and wash it yourself, no she's not trying to "program" your thinking or anything like that, it's just the two of you are going through your "adjusting" period and it's always like that the first few years, you two must first learn each others ways around the house, she's used to doing things by herself so she's going to have to learn to share thoughts and ideas with you, and learn how to be the submissive wife which is the HARDEST thing for a woman to do, lol, marriage is a JOB it's not all happy go lucky like people think it's really hard work and you really have to put in 100% and she does as well it's not 50% 50% it's all in all, don't do "bad things" because it will only make things worse, you two have to learn that God comes first in your marriage, if God is not in the center, everything will fall apart, second she comes after God, you come after God to her, then "emidiate" family like children then carrer then other family and friends, they come last, trust me I know I have been married for four years and the first years of our marriage were critical but we are doing great now, it took a lot of hard work, and that's what you two have to do, you can't get anything out of your marriage unless you have put in and it goes for her too, like a job the better the performance, the higher you get, make up sex is the best sex EVER but don't let that be the only way you guys can make up it can become unhealthy, if you don't go to a church, I suggest you find one if your not saved I suggest you get saved her as well, because there are major benefits, free marriage counseling, it's not really nessesary I "think" because my husband and I never had it and we couldn't be happier but you must use wisdom on what's best for you and your marriage, every marriage is different but if me and my husband could do it, honey the WORLD can do it, lol, but I must tell you before I go, that the real bonding comes from trials and tribulations, when she can stick to you like glue and vise versa no matter what, that makes you closer than close, then tiny little annoying things won't be made such a big deal, you'll start to know that there is nothing better in the world than the two of you "together" it may take a while and a lot of hard work but don't fret, it's well worth the trouble, TRUST me it will be OK even though it seems as if it's never going to end, remember, it will and trouble will only make you closer as long as you don't break the trust, and talk things out, you must be willing to talk everything out and she does also, communication is vital, and trust is the part of the marriages foundation it goes right along with God, so be cool, and God Bless

Answer 3

I take it you didn't go to couples counseling BEFORE you got married, eh? This is a big mistake that people make when they get married. You need to understand what one another is really like, what you both want in life, what your expectations in marriage are to be. These things need to be ironed out before saying, "I do," regardless of how much you love one another.

Ok. You didn't. Who cares? Too late now. Sorry to go on about it. What matters now is what you are going to do NOW. For one thing, are you both still living with the sisters and such? I was a little confused on that aspect. Right there is going to cause you a bucketful of problems. You have no privacy. You have added stress in your relationship. It may be better for you and your wife to get your own place so you can develop your relationship in privacy. Maybe that is not possible, but regardless, you need to find some private time to be alone and work through things, as well as have some affectionate time to build the bond between you.

Aside of that, you and your wife need to sit down and have a serious talk. You start by making a list of everything that you see as being a problem. How do YOU feel? Why? Then ask her to do the same thing. Then go to a marriage counselor. Do NOT go through the lists on your own. You are going to need a professional mediator to help you resolve your problems in a meaningful, constructive way. If you don't insist on anything else your entire marriage, insist on THIS. If she won't go, then go yourself.

It is possible to work things out yourself, but it is very hard. You BOTH have to express how you feel. You BOTH need to communicate. You BOTH need to try to understand how the OTHER person feels. You BOTH need to have the same goal: not to win the argument, but to understand one another. For many people, this is not possible without a little help. So I hope you can get your wife to go see a counselor. It will really make a big difference! Good luck!

Answer 4

Your wife is obviously adjusting to married life. It's not always easy and you're only 2 months into it. However, you both need to learn to communicate to each other without getting overly angry. Seek to understand why these things upset her so much, and tell her how it makes you feel. Seek to please her by doing the laundry when the towel gets dirty, without her asking. Don't start using another towel just because of pride. Do it for love.

Tell her you want to please her and you feel like you can't, that you can't measure up to her expectations.

Work through it and communicate. This is only the beginning of your marriage and this first year will form the foundation of your marriage.

How you deal with this now, will set up the way you deal with it later. So don't push it under the rug, dismiss open, honest, and deep communication.

Talk about it and remember your marriage is worth fighting for. Your wife is more important than a dirty towel, and you are far more valuable than a dirty towel.

Remember what's important.

Answer 5

Sounds like a simple control issue. The remedy is to get rid of anyone who is influencing her thoughts (probably her sister or in fact your sisters). Take control of this situation NOW or you will be heading for divorce court. A marriage is a shared obligation, one in which takes respect and the considerations of the spouses feelings and thoughts. As far as the laundry, you both can take turns doing it. Stop complaining about eachother and start working with eachother. Good Luck you will need it!

Answer 6

You have control of how you act so if you decide to resort to bad things, that is your choice and you own that behavior as for the other stuff, WELCOME TO MARRIAGE!

The first 6 months are tough. My husband and I lived together for 3½ years before getting married and as soon as the honeymoon was over, it was really over. We fought over the stupidest things for the first 6 months. I thought we would never make it but we did, and you will too. It's an adjustment period. My advice, take a deep breath, talk openly with your wife and just adjust. It'll all take care of itself. I do think you have too many sisters in the midst. They will take a toll on your relationship for sure. You may need to set solid boundaries regarding the sisters and their influence on your marriage.

Answer 7

first, you have to communicate with her.. maybe she is feeling neglected in some way, maybe she is going through something emotionally that men can't understand. sometimes women go through these phases. maybe she is doubting ya'll marriage for some reason.. re assure her that she did not make a mistake for marrying you.. maybe she feels you are holding her back from something. or she needs more space.. I don't know it could be several other things also.. but you have to ask her what is going on with her.. if you don't then you won't get anywhere.. and if you have asked her already... maybe she doesn't feel comfortable talking about whatever is going on... just try to talk to her.. she could be in the state of mind where she probably doesn't want to talk to you about anything.. cause she may think you won't understand her... but try always try... take care.. and hope everything goes well for you.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like she is over stressed and don't know how to deal with it.
1. You should not have sisters living with you.
2. You both need time to have alone.
3. Ask her what she expects or would like to see happen.
4. Maybe she needs help around the house? Is she doing it all or are the other people including you helping?

Answer 9

First thing I'd ask her why was it she married you again. If she what's to be independent than she should have stayed single. Anything that has to do with finances is a decision that should be agreed upon. as far as the nit picking crap you need to get a handle on it now, because it's only going to get worse. No marriage that I know of has ever worked when it started out as yours is. She needs to get a grip, and ask herself what she's looking for, and will she ever find it. No man is going to become a pup id, and if he does than I pity him.

Answer 10

It sounds like that there is too many people in the house. You guys are newly weds and you need time to grow by yourselvs. You need to talk to her. Open up the communication between you two. And try to get a place for just you, her and your son.
You guys could try counceling, or talking w/ church members, or family members if you want this to work.
Marriage takes work, and both partners have to work at it together.
talk to her and find out what she wants to do. Good luck.

Answer 11

I dont even know why you got married in the first place. It seems like you both dont know each other very well. This is a very confusing situation...why are you living with your sisters? It sounds like this relationship was doomed from the start. I suggest rethinking your marriage.