when i got married my husband assured me and my faimly that money would never be an issue and he would take care of me and my daughter, we decided to rent a house instead of buying because i wanted to move back to TN. i had no reason to doubt him untill yesterday, i awoke to a eviction notice on my front door, when i called him he told me it was not ours and it had to be a misunderstanding, so i called the landlord, he has not paid any rent since dec. and it was no mistake. I am so upset that i have packed all of my things and i am ready to leave him, this is a devistating blow to me i had no idea.
2007-02-09 02:51:27 · 48 answers · asked by iwearpink4life 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am not useing him as a meal ticket.. i have worked for 18 years and i enjured my back last year..so back off of that.. second i did talk to him about it and he denied it completely said it was a misunderstanding but i called the land lord and talked to her myself he has not paid and he has not returned he calls in 2 weeks. third, if this was the only problem no i would not leave but who knows how big this is? if he refuses to be honest with me what am i to do just keep my vows what about his?
2007-02-09 03:07:59 · update #1
You've already done it! You've packed all your things. Now you can take personal responsibility for your finances. If you get back together with him, insist on having an equal part in the financial transactions for your family. If you marry someone else, don't just 'be taken care of'.
Marriage is not adoption - you're not marrying a daddy, you're marrying a partner. Act as one.
2007-02-09 02:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by flywho 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has hit you at the core of your being and that is the home front. Have you any idea what he may have used the rent money for? If so, was it for your benefit at all? If not I would confront him and inquire as to what may have happened,(Give him a chance to prove he isn't a total scum) and if his reason is not one of extreme need, I personally would be headed for the airport straight away. Something in your gut has already told you that there is a problem so if there is no good reason for not having paid the rent or given you a heads up on what might be coming, leave now because it would seem that you may not play as important a role in his life as you should. In other words; save yourself.
2007-02-09 03:10:06 · answer #2 · answered by jlsmith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What have you been doing, while your husband has been taking care of you? Have you contributed anything to the marriage? Have you taken any interest in the paying of bills? Do you even know how much your husband earns? How long are you going to hold him to a promise he obviously can't keep?
Instead of bailing out, why don't you sit down and talk with your husband? Why not discover the truth? If he's having financial problems, get a job and help the man.
2007-02-09 03:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men lie to cover up faults. They want to be perfect. They fear inadequacy. Discuss it with him. Tell him you are willing to work through it. You married him, why would you let lying get in the way of the person you chose to say "I do" to?
Communicate both sides without getting into a heated debate. Tell him you understand why he lied but explain how it made you feel, without being critical and judgemental. Hold your anger and speak with love.
Try and work through it. Tell him a marriage involved honesty and 100% trust. You won't be able to trust him fully right away. Ask him why this happened and if you cant pay bills and have authority over the checkbook until he has re-gained your trust.
Some good marriages can get through cheating, betrayal, and much more difficult situations than this... so evaluate the importance to you.
Is marriage, love, your husband, worth fighting for?
2007-02-09 02:57:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Did you marry him just because he could take care of you? Do you work and contribute to the household income?
It could be that he was ashamed to tell you that there was a problem. Maybe he thought that you would not be the understanding spouse you think you are and leave him.
If you talk about the issue with your husband, maybe you'll be in a better position to assess the situation.
2007-02-09 03:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by Gaga Warlock 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How is it a woman in the 21st century has no idea about the finances in the household? I know this is going to come off as harsh...but, if you choose to give up your independence, choose to not be a contributor, or at the very least keep yourself informed of financial responsibilities that impact your family ...then don't start playing poor me now.
I am so tired of listening to woman who feel as though they have no responsibility or accountability when it comes to finances.
2007-02-09 03:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by Shelly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he didn't lie to you, unless he lost the rent money foolishly wasting it. He hide the fact that he was having problems. Now things get rough from time to time. Money doesn't grow on trees. You can ask him to tell you when things get rough and work though them or you can act like a spoiled brat and leave someone that loves you enough to keep you in the dark on how the world really works.
2007-02-09 03:04:58 · answer #7 · answered by masterzuaba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he needed a hand with things, and was to embarrassed to ask you for help. He is probably ashamed because he failed you and your daughter. Why don't you at least give him a chance to explain?? Why would you leave your husband over this, didn't you say you would stick it out through good times and bad times? It kind of sounds like he is just your meal ticket.
2007-02-09 02:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are any of you people saying "Leave" in a relationship? She should at least try to work things out. As one person said, hand him the eviction notice and ask him what he is going to do. Talk it out over a beer tonight.
2007-02-09 03:11:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why leave him? Hand him the eviction notice and say, "Now what are you going to do?" He needs a place to live too, so it seems highly likely that he will come up with the money, or else move the family.
2007-02-09 02:57:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋