How common is long-term married condom use?

Question

What percentage of married couples use condoms as their long-term primary form of birth control? My wife says she is undecided about children, but I am pretty certain that they will never fit into our lifestyle or plans. She won't use any other form of birth control, but I'm getting tired of using condoms. They are distracting and inhibit spontaneity. The thought of using them for the next decade is depressing, frankly, but she forbids me from getting a vasectomy "because it's too decisive." I'd like to know what proportion of married couples might be in this situation. I'd also like to know how to resolve this. Thoughts or online references are appreciated. Comments not attempting to address this specific issue will be deleted, so don't waste your time if you don't have a real answer. Thanks!

Answer 1

She is being way too rigid!!! In order for your relationship to work, there must be some give and take. You are BOTH responsible for contraception, and she is basically placing all the responsibility on you! One of the greatest benefits of monogamous marriage is spontaneous sex without worry of disease or unwanted pregnancy. She is effectively taking some of that freeedom away by limiting the birth control options. And has she considered what would happen if the condom broke and she were to become pregnant??

The rhythm method, when used correctly and consistently can be a reasonably effective method of birth control. The key here is using it correctly AND consistently. It takes cooperation of both your parts to make this method work. As with any method, it is not 100% effective. I suggest you both look into it.

Perhaps you could negotiate time frames, say 6 months or a year, and re-evaluate your desire for children vs. sterilization procedure at the end of the time frame.

In the meantime,
I hope she is prepared to give you LOTS of oral.

Answer 2

We only used a condom for 3 months when my wife went off the pill so that we could have children. Neither my wife or I liked condoms so we only used them from about day 12 to day 22 of her cycle.
After my second child I had a vasectomy. If you are under 30 and have no kids, my doctor would not even give you a vasectomy. If you are in your 20s then your thoughts on children could easily change. A vasectomy can be reversed, but the successfulness decreases each year. Best reversed in the first couple of years.
If she is undecided and you are against, it probably means that she is likely more for than against and is hoping that your mind will change in the future. That's why she doesn't want you to have a vasectomy. That would be you outright telling her no, she can't have kids. You can't tell a woman that, they have a mind of their own and they have do decide for themselves. It could be very detrimental to your relationship.

You know what they call a woman who uses the rhythm method...MOM.

Answer 3

There are a lot of married couples that use condoms as a back up method when they don't want children. Me personally I take birth control. They do have "condoms" for woman now that the woman inserts in her. She apparently doesn't feel comfortable or trusting enough in other forms birth control. While they are 99% effective nothing is fool proof. She could still get pregnant with a condom.

You may try to pick up some literature on line about other forms of birth control that might peak her interest. You have several types to choose from. While I think she is being unfair to you by not trying a different type of birth control and your not asking anything unreasonable, your just simply asking her to switch to a different method. Your head and heart is in the right spot with the compromise, just convincing her maybe a different . She might just be scared, also have her talk with her OB/GYN.

Answer 4

I have been married 10 years and we used condoms as birth control for the first 8. We have 3 children, and we are finished, so I had my tubes tied while I was on the table after having our third. How long have you all been married? I can't say to go ahead and make the decision, but a vasectomy CAN be reversed. It's a common thing.

Answer 5

I'm not sure that you have much choice here. My husband and I previously used both condoms and the pill, but that was before we were married. I really wanted to ensure no surprises. Now we just use the pill. The only thing I can think of to try is the planned family method that the Catholics have come up with. The claim it is just as effective as birth control. My understanding is you record your wife's temperature as soon as she wakes up and somehow by tracking this you can figure out when she is ovulating. We have never tried it and I don't know anyone who has tried it. I only know about it because they talked about it a lot in the marriage classes you have to take if you want to be married in the church. Their method seems incredibly risky to me and if you really don't want kids I would recommend continuing with the condoms. I know they can be unfun to use, but imagine how unfun a child would be if you really don't want one. Hopefully in a few years the two of you will get on the same page about kids before it drives you apart.

Answer 6

That is all my best friend uses and has been for years. Its the easiest and cheapest. I use natural family planning - or the withdrawal method. I can't use any hormonal birth control because it gives me cancer and I really don't get pregnant to easily (3 years of trying for the first) so this works well for us. There are so many varieties of birth control, if it really bothers you, you should say something. Eventually, if you have a problem now, you will resent her and will not be in the mood to have sex. (By the way, my best friends hubby just got a vasectomy)

Answer 7

That's what you get for watching MTV, a station run by 13yr olds! Seriously though, when you are in a monogamous, serious, long term relationship (like, lets say marriage) it's okay to not use a condom. They preach that so that kids don't get so cavalier about sex that they think they're invincible. Kids have a way of thinking that nothing can happen to them, it always happens to someone else. It's MTV's way to teaching them to be sexually responsible and not be sucked in by someones lies and then end up with an STD. I don't worry about my husband giving me a disease, I trust him. Besides, if you spend your days worrying about everything that could happen, it will drive you insane.

Answer 8

honestly i belive there is an extremely small percentage of married couples that still use condums, unless there are questions of infidelity. maybe u can explore birth control for men (medications) or maybe diaphrams. there are so many option and i can understand her concern with not taking birth control, but a relationship isnt a relationship if there isnt compromise. maybe u can explain that 2 here, just communicate

Answer 9

You are justified in your concern-it does not seem in your case that condoms are the best option. Perhaps your wife does not have current knowledge or has unfounded fears/biases regarding other, more convenient types of BC, mainly the pill, patch.
Convnce her to speak to her doctor about options.

Good luck.

Answer 10

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