Very recently a friend & I enjoyed a wonderful vacation. We returned to learn that her father passed away while we were away, but she was very well prepared for this and her family agreed that if anything happened while she was away, they would wait 'til she got back home. Being a good friend, I wanted to stand beside her, but she said some weird things and it hurt me. She'll speak to a mutual friend in a very friendly way, but with me she seems withdrawn. I don't know which emotion is true..the one with me, or with the mutual friend. The service for her Dad isn't until next week. She did tell the mutual friend that flowers weren't appropriate. I disagree. I'm at wits end here and would appreciate anything you might offer. She did explain however that if she seems withdrawn, it's because she needs to be whatever she needs to be at that particular time, BUT the difference in emotion toward the mutual friend is extremely confusing.
2007-02-09 02:05:26 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She also said she's got 2 very strong sons to support her, but these guys are always off doing their own thing. She's very tight with the nextdoor neighbour and this person knew before I did about her Dad's passing. She herself informed me with a message on my telephone answering machine, but I had learned of the situation 1/2 hr previously via an email from someone else.
2007-02-09 02:07:34 · update #1
Give your friend some space. She probably don't know what she is feeling right now.
It's hard to care for someone and they don't seem to want your help.
Go to the funeral and if you want to send flowers DO IT. She might be confused, but she does not have the right to dictate how people mark their sorrow and support.
2007-02-09 02:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by Collette L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK she is grieving. I think she may be feeling some guilt about not being around and is associating your trip with her dads passing. The thing is she may have been aware and even somewhat prepared , but no one is ever really prepared to loose a parent. no matter what they try to convince themselves. The best thing you can do is send her a card explaining how you understand this must be a difficult time for her and you are worried about her, if she needs you. let her know what her father meant to you ,and how you knew what he meant to her. Try not to take it personally. I'm sorry to hear about his passing and the affect it has on your friendship. I hope it all works out for you .
2007-02-09 02:19:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she is bearing a grudge she can't see because she was on vacation with you when her Father passed on. One can never prepare for this kind of loss. Cut the girl some slack here... this IS NOT about YOU....this is probably the worst loss she has ever had to deal with.
Be patient, supportive and non-judgemental during this time.
2007-02-16 06:53:46 · answer #3 · answered by Kbear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As time goes by, she will be back to normal,give her space.I went to bury my Mother and I really couldn't tell you too much about it.My girls took up my slack.But as time goes by,you remember the darndest things.Make sure to tell her that you are there for her to call if she needs anything,she will.That lost feeling will hang around a while but she'll be fine.Stay strong.
2007-02-09 02:42:17 · answer #4 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you are not as close as you think ,but people that loose a parent go through a lot of emotions ,just be a friend ,and stand by .not much else you can do.
2007-02-09 02:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋