How do I deal with a friend that is pregnant and I'm having a miscarriage?

Question

I have a friend that found out she is prego and I found out last night I am having a miscarrage after trying for years... this is her 2nd baby and I'm happy for her but I can not help but be jelous and upset. I am really close with this friend she is like a sister to me but it is really starting to be hard to be around her. Watching her baby grow inside of her and wondering what that feels like... She is the kind of person that does not talk about that kind of stuff even if I ask her how she is doing or what is going on, she just says "OK" and leaves it at that ... Then when big things happen like she had an ultra sound and did not even tell me she was having it... I found out by seeing a photo she had on her frig... when I asked if it was from her first or the new she said... oh that is the new on we had it taken about a week ago and dropped it... how do I deal with this?

I have talked to her about this even before she found out she was having another baby... We had a long talk when she told me that she was thinking of trying again and I told her I want to know EVERYTHING... if I can't feel it myself I want to know what she is feeling... she said fine and she I will tell you it all... it hurts more when she does not tell me things then if she tells me about it. and the ultra sound that she had that she did not tell me about was done BEFORE I found out I was having the miscarriage...

Answer 1

Honestly, she could be being vague about everything because she is worrying about what you're going through with the miscarriages you've had. I am very truly sorry that you have had to go through all of this and I'm sure it's got to be aweful. If you want to know more details then I'm sure you're going to have to ask her straight out, although it might just make things harder on you. I know you don't want to be jealous, but you can't help it. You need to tell her what you need from her at this point. She might think she's sparing your feelings, but if that makes it harder on you then tell her. Good luck and may God bless you with beautiful babies someday.

Answer 2

I know how it feels to have a miscarriage and watching people and even a best friend having a baby. It is hard. My thing would be is try to talk to her about how and why you are feeling the you are. If she is a TURE friend she should understand how you feel.
The reason she didnt tell u about the ulta sound is that she might know how you feel and she didnt want to rub it. She might be taking in your feeling and not saying to much about her baby. There could be other reasons but what I would do if I had a best friend is to talk her and take it from there.

Answer 3

Being that she's your friend, she did that for a reason! She knows that your having a hard time and she does not want to rub it in your face! If it was the other way around would you go to her like oh look My baby! see?? See? and you even said yourself that your feeling jealous of her! and as far as talking about it, again she is sparing your feelings. she is not being mean. I know it must seem tough but she is trying not to hurt you by rubbing things in, she knows it must be hard enough watching her tummy grow, that she can't hide, but everything else she can shelter you from.

Answer 4

Okay, she is afraid that she is hurting you when anything "baby" comes up. She REALLY is your good friend and doesn't want you hurt. She doesn't want you to feel jealous either. She figures that if she doesn't talk about the baby, it won't be "rubbing it in your face". If you want her to talk about it, have a heart to heart with her. There may be some tears on both of your parts. Let her know that you want to know, even if you can't experience it and explain why. I think she wants to do what will make you happy she just doesn't know what it is. EVERY pregnant woman wants to talk about her baby and the baby experiences. She is fighting against that because she cares about you. You can DEFINITELY work this out.

Answer 5

dont you see what she is doing? she is trying to protect you the best way she knows how. she is feeing guilty too, that she and her baby are doing fine and your pregnancy is ending tragically. try not to be upset with her. she excludes you because she doesnt know what to do or say. remember, she hasnt walked in your shoes. now, for you.......as tramatic as a miscarriage is you have to pull yourself together. you have a wonderful friend that wanted to share this with you and dont know how.....talk to her about how you feel. your feelings of jealousy are very normal but if you get your friend to include you in her pregnancy it will bring you so much joy even though your emotions are running high right now. if and when you decide to try again with things going perfectly, you will be soooo glad you can have your friend by YOUR side during all the little changes your body will go through. so tell your friend you need to talk and get it out and i bet she was feeling just as awkward as you about this situation. i can see this friendship lasting a lifetime, with the two of you taking your children to the park and other fun activities together one day. i am very sorry for your loss, but talk with your friend ok? you need each other right now. she is hurting for you too.

Answer 6

First. Yahoo Answers is not going to truly be able to answer your question. But I want you know that collectively it might help you obtain the answer or the very least cope with your situation.

You maybe happy for her but perhaps she does not want to rub her pregnancy in your face. Perhaps she understands a little more about your situation then you realize about hers. Perhaps she hates talking about the pregnancy because she knows for the next 9 months she is going through another round of change which are not pleasant and talk about only makes the day go slower. Whatever the reason you should talk with her about it.

Answer 7

SHe sounds like me in a way....... she doens't know what to say to you so she says nothing at all and you take it as her being a type of person who doesn't talk but she just doesn't wanna rub all the baby stuff in your face because of what your going through. I think you should talk to her make her listen and if thats a friend she will listen. Turn those negative jealous feelings into positve feelings and try to help her out with her children, babysit, go shopping with her to find cute clothes. You could bond with her and her children and i think that will help you cope with your loss and prepar you for your future

Answer 8

First off, I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage - that is a hard thing to go through. Maybe your friend is just trying to be sensitive to your situation. She may feel if she talks about her pregnancy that it may upset you. Maybe you need to sit down and talk to her - tell her you want to know about what is going on with her. Again, I am sorry for your loss. God Bless.

Answer 9

sorry thats really hard ,i had one myself
your friend is probably not sharing all her news as she knows what youv'e been through and doesn't want to upset you,as you said you feel jealous ,that is normal,the best thing to do is talk with her and you will both feel better,hopefully you can stay friends and help eachother out,if seeing her upsets you too much then have a break from her but let her know why,she will understand till you feel better
goodluck with everything and takecare

Answer 10

Your friend is trying, in her own way, to be sympathetic to your situation. If she is your best friend, be straight forward and tell her that you want her to be more open to you about her pregnancy. Unless, of course, you are going to be jealous, upset and resentful because of it. Your friend doesn't want you to be resentful, jealous or upset. We all deal with mourning in different ways and it takes its own time.

Remember, you may be having trouble now...but persevere and continue to try to have a baby. Seeking the help of a counselor (to obtain helpful suggestions in handling your feelings)and a fertility specialist, may be in order.

Good luck!