What do you think of my thesis statement?

Question

I am going to write a research paper for English and History. I decided to write about Thoreau. Tell me any grammatical errors, or changes that i should make. Thanks!

Thesis statement:
His personal life, his philosophy of introspection, his belief in God and spiritual unity through a shared universal soul, his outspokenness against the abuses of power, and his resistance to the dictates of society, transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau—after his isolation from society for more than two years at Walden Pond, and after being sent to jail due to his disapproval of the Mexican War—has had a profound effect on numerous American writers, environmentalists, and social and political leaders, including Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Tolstoy, through his writing of Walden, Civil Disobedience, and several other literary works.

Answer 1

I consider Henry David Thoreau on the same scale as Ghandi, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Tolstoy as a strong environmentalist, social and political leader because he was willing to isolate from society and also was sent to jail for his disapproval of the Mexican War.

To me, your thesis statement has too much wordy statements that are included in any standard high school or college description of Thoreau.

I'm looking for something unique.
I'm looking for what you have to say about this man that I haven't read before this.
It's standard in high school and college to study Emerson and Thoreau.
I again - want something unique from you.

GOD bless us always.
MBA-Boston University
CPA-retired

Answer 2

Thesis statement:
His personal life, his philosophy of introspection, his belief in God and spiritual unity through a shared universal soul, his outspokenness against the abuses of power, and his resistance to the dictates of society,
you are missing a verb here....perhaps add "all personify"
transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau.

After his isolation from society for more than two years at Walden Pond, being sent to jail due to his disapproval of the Mexican War---what? what happened as a result of this? You don't say....if you mean the following, you need to add a conjunction or a connecting phrase that indicates
this below has SIMILIARLY affected Emmerson along with the others you mention.

has had a profound effect on numerous American writers, environmentalists, and social and political leaders, including Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Tolstoy,

which surfaces in his writings on Walden, Civil Disobedience, and several other literary works.

Answer 3

you will desire to be extra particular, placed your important paragraph subjects on your thesis fact. as an occasion Mass production, boost of inhabitants, progression of technologies, baby labor, boost of tuberculoses, and pollutants are the valuable and undesirable outcomes of the business Revolution. No, you don’t %. an component. attempt to no longer be bias purely write related to the detrimental and valuable outcomes. on your paragraphs, you subject remember sentence would desire to be some thing like this, of path it relies upon what you picked as your outcomes. Mass production is a superb results of the business Revolution simply by fact (say why it became a superb result). After your subject remember sentence, tutor your subject remember sentence with information from sources including your e book or a piece of writing on the cyber web. What ever you utilize, cite your sources.

Answer 4

Also note that your paragraph is one large run-on sentence.