Were you a bully at school?Did you out grow it? Are you sorry? Do you still bully Do your children bully?

Question

I was bullied at school and I can tell you that that old saying that go's like this "Stick's'n'Stones can brake my bones but words can never hurt me!" Is about as far from the truth as can be! Words cut deep, they cut to the bone. Words destroy! After I was grown My husband and our sons moved into a nice neighborhood and one house over lived one of my bully's and he had two son's who were worse bullies than he was. I wondered if he bulllied his wife but I was told that no he didn't and that his wife was a bully herself. I am not feeling sorry for myself I am strong now after many years of therapy. All of my Bullies were boys.I'd like to hear from someone who is sorry and that they have not passed this trait to their kids.I expect more meanspirited bulling remarks but I am looking for someone who can say the are sorry they did this as kids.I want to let you know that being bullied does not make one stronger.

I want to thank everyone for their answers. I recieved many very good ones so far. And I want to tell the two men who admitted to being bullies in school thank you for your courage to addmitt it .I plan on waiting for more replies.

I was very surprized to hear from formor bully's who are sorry that they did this. It also surprized me to hear that they themselves had been bullied. Just wondering why would a bylly trun around and bully another student?

Answer 1

Ohhh what a nasty one to answer.

I was bullied from the age of five, right through infant and primary school, into secondary school and up to the poin that my behaviour ( related to being a victim and other things )got me suspended, then expelled.
I went to boarding school at 14yrs of age, and fell under as a victim again allbeit at a lower level, it was more a pecking order than outright bullying.
I am ashamed to say that as I progressed through boarding school, and as I reached 16 Stone and Six Ft Two, the bullies became less and less.... but I became more and more a bully. My own action made the life of one particular individual a living hell, I'm not going to deny it... I have faced it and dealt with it I was an utter swine, a REAL nightmare for the guy I bullied.

Do I regret ? Yes oh good god YES... I have tried to excuse my behaviour with the " I was only getting my own back " and " Victim turned abiuser " lines but it was just so much whitewash for my soul. Bullying is an god awfull thing, it has controlled me from both ends of the outstreched arm... and it's a real and serious problem.

I despise bullies and I am sickened by my own actions. I can not undo what I have done, I live in the hope that one day I will bump into my victim.... I know I will cry and beg him to forgive me... I was such a **** ! if he forgives me, he will forever be the better man.

Answer 2

You are so right about the "sticks and stones"! I had an experience at school with a bully who had seen some graffiti written about her and assumed it was me. She pinned me against a wall and threatened to punch me. The humiliation of the way she was speaking to me was much worse than any physical pain she could have inflicted on me. So much so, that at the time I looked her in the eye ans said "it wasn't me but just hit me if you want to, then I can get on with my day" Surprisingly she just walked off and never bothered me again.

Years later I bumped into her again as an adult, and I asked her if she remembered that incident. She said yes and apologised for being such a bully at school. She was actually nice and friendly, and regretted it, saying she had been insecure. I too am interested to see if anyone responds to your question with an admission of being a bully, but I suspect most of your responses will be from people on the receiving end...

Answer 3

I was bullied at school and it has affected me in many areas of my life - even all these years later. I still sometimes feel like that too-tall, overweight girl with glasses even though now I am 5'10" and 130 pounds and look actually very good. I am not one to put my opinion forth in a group because of self-confidence issues. I would love to meet up with some of those girls who bullied me in grade school to see how they turned out. Do they even remember me? Maybe I'd be the one to bully them now. It still makes me angry and hurt after 30 years. The thing is, I was so much bigger than those girls who bullied me that I could have wiped the floor with them, but I was AFRAID that I would hurt them, so I never fought back. I taught my daughters to always fight back and that I would back them up if needed to the school or principal. Fortunately, none of my girls have been bothered by bullies, but I WOULD have kicked some *** if they had. There's not enough discussed about the long-term damage that bullies do.

Answer 4

There was a boy in my class that was picked on horribly. I can't say I picked on him, but I would laugh when someone else did. I was 10-11 yrs old. I wish I would have had the backbone to stand up for him instead. I often wonder what became of him. School had to be hell for him growing up. I moved to a different school at 13 so I lost track of him, but even now - over 20 yrs later- I feel guilty for laughing.
I teach my kids that everyone is different and they should like other kids based on how they treat them, not their clothes or physical appearances. Hopefully they will be stronger than I was.

Answer 5

Never was a bully. I was one they picked on as well, but not too badly that I kept it all these years. Actually the person that did treat me less than i should have been actually kissed me at my 20th reunion and said what a great job I had done with it. That totally made me think that people do change for the better and that he may have realized what he used to do was harsh, mean, etc.
So there is hope...

Answer 6

Yes, I was a bully. Yes, I grew out of it. Yes, I'm sorry (I even phoned people years later to apolgize). No, I don't still bully (because I have grown out of it). And finally, I don't have children, so 'no' they don't bully.

When teachers / parents tell bullied children that "The bullies do what they do because they have poor self esteem", kids believe it. The fact of the matter is that this statement is not even remotely factual. Kids bully each other for this reason: "Kids are bastards".

I disagree when you say that it doesn't make you stronger. Bullying has a profound effect on children's personalities and they either benefit from it, or they grow into resentful adults who "can't let go".

I can't imagine that I am likely to earn 'best answer' for this, but it sounds to me as though you fit into the second category, which is all of your own doing. By allowing yourself (years later by the sound of it) to still be affected by schoolyard bullies, you are giving them power over you. However if you had simply made the conscious choice to ignore them and treat them with the contempt that they deserve/d, then you would be a much happier person today (and saved a fortune on therapy).....

Think about it.

Answer 7

At a personal level I was both bullied and bullier - it was that kind of school in that kind of area, and I always saw it as growing up. When I grew up, the same two-way mechanism had lost its physical violence and became verbal and emotional violence, and I still kindof see it as the natural order of things.

It's a big problem when it's group or institution on one; it's a big problem when there are gross inbalances of power between bullied/bullier. I mean when a politician goes around a democratic process it's bullying too.

Misuse of power is a fact of life; human nature isn't the problem, only the extremist practicioners. I'm glad you came through, I'm glad it made you stronger.

Answer 8

Yes - I was bullied from the age of 7 to the age of 14. Beaten up at least once per week. I also suffered verbal bulling. this did not stoop when i went out to work. Did I grow out of it - no - I too used therapy and counselling.

I have never met a school bully who was repentant.

Answer 9

I made the mistake of punching a bully in the face, so him and his mates basically let off fire extinguishers in my face every day at school.now i dont know if that sounds funny but it is extemely painful,more so than being punched but it made me stronger,you have to stand up to these idiots or they will walk all over you,then you can laugh at them 10 years down the line when you have a good life and they are in they're mid 20's still thinking they are 18 years old

Answer 10

Other way around. Pushed around a lot - I let it happen because I was constantly told to "ignore it" or "walk away" and I was raised Catholic and Jesus always said turn the other cheek.

Then one day this kid was pushing me and I said to myself, "**** this" and I hit him with a right hook, knocked out a tooth.

Nobody bothered me after that.

Exact same thing happened to my daughter last year - I worked my butt off to get into a good town in part so my kids could go to school with civilized kids, and they bring in these Metco kids, which is fine, but they have a completely different behavioral standard because no teacher or principal wants to be called a racist. So this one girl pushes kids around in the playground and for some reason liked to push my daughter and one day pushed her off a platform and laughed. My daughter got up, grabbed the kid by the hair, pulled her head down and started wailing her with uppercuts.

They suspended my daughter for this!

I told her she did nothing wrong and that if she was asked to apologize, she should refuse.

The metco kid doesn't bother anyone anymore.

It's also rewarding that the bullies and the other deadbeats who in high school spent their afternoons smoking grass in the woods now don workboots and jeans for work and make about a quarter of what I make. It pisses me off when Liberals whine that that's somehow unfair.