After a 2 year relationship, is it normal for "things" to slow down?

Question

My bf and I have ben together for 2 years and 4 months and I have never been happier. BUT in the begining I was by far more interested in "relations" then I am now. The wierd thing is that it has gotten by far better as time has gone on. I am still very attracted to him and he is starting to think I am not because I dont jump all over him like I used to when we first started having "relations."

I keep blaming it on external things beyond my control and I am worried that this is really not normal.

I now have 2 jobs, 1 9-5 Mon through Fri and the other is waiting tables Sat night AND recently just started going to school again at night Tue Wed and Thur til around 9pm. Plus my job has gotten 3x as stressful then it was.

He says he doesn't "act aggressivly" and try because I constantly complain that I am tired, have a headache, and don't feel well. He doesn't want to seem selfish I guess. I told him it would happen more if he was aggressive about it since I'm not because im tired

And just to sum up it has gone from every time we saw eachother basicly to maybe once a week.

Also we went from seeing eachother occasionally like the normal begining of a relationship

To seeing eachothing pretty much every day

To not seeing eachother 3 days out of the week in a row.

Will this make things better or worse?

It isnt a matter of me not trying because when we do I am always the one to start it lately. Just to add a slight rebuttle to the 1st answer AND I don't live with him and I only sleep over once a week usually. Why does it always have to be me who starts it. I complain every day about something.. That doesn't mean I will turn him down every day. I mean you make it seem like I don't try but I do. Not as much as I used to but he almost never tries. His idea of trying has been a crude comment or a smirk... that isnt going to flip the switch for me. I donno. Maybe it is all my fault but then thinking about it, we would NEVER do anything if I didn't initiate it the few times a month I do. Isn't it both our faults?

Answer 1

first off, it is up to you to make time for your relationship. Do you need to work two jobs? Maybe you can look for a higher paying 9-5 job...eliminate the need for a second job. but that's only part of the problem here...

Valentines day is comin up, so go get some sexy lingerie and put it on and wait for him to come home...But don't wait till V-day. As for being tired it's all in your head! Headache? Don't you know that the best cure for a headache is an orgasim? And you probably don't "feel well" because you are stretched too thin! Take a moment, breathe and don't think that it's "normal" to slow down, there is no normal. If he wants it more, give it to him! What's the worst that's gonna happen? You are going to get pleasure too! OH NO! Make the effort to keep him happy in that area and I can guarentee that he will make the effort to keep you happy in all areas! You don't have to turn into a sex-crazed-gotta-have-it-all-the-time person, but 3 times a week isn't hard...and try waking him up one morning...bet he'll love that!

Answer 2

Seriously, and this is a biased male point of view, so take it with a grain of salt. One of the major benefits of a monogamous relationship is the sex. Why would a guy, as easy as it is nowadays to get a woman that is serious about a relationship, tie himself down to a relationship that is not meeting his needs. Love is a major saving grace, but don't underestimate the tension that erractic or unsatisfying sex brings to a relationship.
In my experiences, in relationships and counseling friend-girls about their problems, a common thread seems to come about. We are expected to interpret moods practically to the point of reading one's mind to determine what course of action to take.
With your boyfriend, you have placed him in a "lose/lose" situation--A) if he approaches you about sex when you have clearly let him know you are tired and cranky(complaining) then he runs the chance of causing conflict by being insensitive to your fatigue and coming off selfish. The welcome aggresion of one da y can be the annoying badgering of the other, with women you never know B) while you are sending him these messages of non interest, you expect him to push through it anyway, in a manner that is creative enough to "get you going". How unfair is that.
Look at it this way, if in the begining, he would see, you share everything about his day and spend a lot of time on stimulating converstion (which in turn you really enjoyed and looked forward to and found it a highly enjoyable part of the relationship as a whole), then turned around and started doing that less and less, all the while complaining and stating how tired he was, wouldn't you think something was up?
I truly empathize with you and your work situation and with that schedule, being tired is probably a constant. He sounds like a good guy, don't lose him over fatigue, because speaking as a guy, "relations" in the relationship is probably a little more important to him than it is to you.

On a side note about the male perspective that will help you out dramatically--men don't require the "coercing" for sex that women do. Just say "lets do it" and in about a minute of less he is good to go. Imagine being ready to have sex and your partner making you wait for minutes or hours at a time, unfortunately that is the daily existence of a guy. Think of it from that perspective next time!