What is your experience of domestic violence?

Question

I ask as I would like others view on thier experiences. Did your partner have times of being perfectly charming and you thought that it would be fine then he would change? did it extend to other areas of your life such as control over your time and friends so on? did you not realise that you where involved in this situation until it gradually dawned on you? I was never hit, but pushed and controlled and threatened with violence and called names at times.This started 2 years into my 4 year relationshipDid others tell you like they did me but you just did not see how dangerous he was

Answer 1

I can only answer this from experience......Please read this and take it to heart. It could save your life. I was with someone for 4 years. First 2 years were pretty good, he was very charming, he was incredibly intelligent and successful, but things started changing, he never really hit me, except one time. He would accuse me of affairs, which was a result of his guilt from his affairs, which I fould out later were very very many. He would throw major temper tantrums, breaking everything in the house. Threatening me, telling me he was going to kill me and beat me. He would hold me down and scream in my face. He would tell me no one would ever love me but him. He would tell me I was crazy. He would intimedate my friends. Before I knew it I had no friends and was completely isolated. Everytime I would get the courage to leave or when I would leave, he would threaten suicide. After every episode he was always sorry and I always forgave. Well, at the end of the four years I was pregnant and now it was escalating to him hitting me. We were sitting around the house one day and there was a knock on the door, I was 7 months pregnant.....it was the police, they had my house surrounded and guns drawn....they were looking for him, they had a fugitive warrant for his arrest for murder from another state. He had slit the throat of his girlfriend he had before me and dumped her body in a construction site, where they were building houses. The cops finally got a break in the case because of a friend who helped him dump the body was being arrested for drugs and using this info for a lesser sentence. Thank God.....I have no doubt, that I and my baby would have been his next victims. You need to leave this man and when you leave you have to cut off communication 100%, no matter what he says or does. It will only get worse. That was 18 years ago. I learned a very hard lesson and hopefully you will learn something from this too.

Answer 2

1 year into our marriage, my wife and I were in an argument and she kicked me in the shin. I immediately kicked her back. That was our only episode.
I told her that I don't want a relationship where people hit each other. Her or me. Just because she is female doesn't mean she can hit me with impunity. I'm actually glad I kicked her back - if she had "gotten away with it" I have a feeling she would have kept doing it.
The only thing beyond that I can say is that when I have been so mad I thought I was going to hit something or someone, I just went for a little walk around.....or I would hug her. Keeps your arms busy.
I reccommend that. If you are so mad you think you are going to hit your spouse, hug them instead. For at least 10 seconds. Don't say anything. After that 10 seconds the level of anger in both of you comes down a whole lot of notches.

Answer 3

A lot of the time domestic violence is prompted by childish behaviour on both sides. He shouts, she reacts, she shouts and he reacts. Mostly love and respect are missing, because both or one partner is excessively self-centred, unteachable and unreachable. SOmetimes they lend out their ears to ignorant people and listen to stupid advise or they watch junky sitcoms and think no further than the trash they have sucked up like sponges. Some people live by WISHBONES i.e. I wish this and I wish that instead of with BACKBONES and being accountable to themselves and those around them.

People are often consumed with habits that are offensive to a partner and it causes fighting. MOstly though it is often carried down from generation to generation through a spirit of rejection or from observaing what was taught to them by their parents who treated one another the same.

Some guys function with controlling and manipulative spirits and feel stronger by lording it over others, but inside they are actually like jelly. They are actually cowards and so consumed with self that they hurt others to satisfy their weaknesses. Usually they hate themselves, because they know they are wrong. Men who do this and are abusive are called Misogynists. Look it up on the google search.

People need to mature, deem each other as more important than self and have respect and love for others. IF we all did that we would live in a much safer and happier world. He needs help and so do you
I hope you seek counselling. You dont need this kind of abuse. It might be an idea to leave him and stay in a safe place.

Answer 4

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 14 years to about 17 years old.The man was 25 or 26 cant remember.My dad wasn't in my life and my mom was just there but not really there for me.So I got into this relationship with someone way to old for me.Little did I know not only was he abusive verbally and physically he was a pedafile.He beat the crap out of me for about 3 years before I finally left.I heard about 1 year ago that he was working at the school nearby and was so discusted because I know why he would want to work at a school but I did nothing because I could not prove he was a pedafile.My experience was lonely and hopeless but I learned so much from it so I don't regret it one bit.

Answer 5

My first husband put me in the hospital and that was the end of that . He spent several months in jail before he got his court hearing and after that he spent a yr and a day in prison . He was not charming at all this all started right after we were married and somehow I thought it was all my fault . Not true . all my friends helped me out when I finally pressed charges and went through the divorce process while he was in prison . Had my ph number changed ,had locks changed then moved into a new place . He never bothered me again . But I did hear through the grape vine that he hit his g/f . Then after a short jail stint he got hit and killed by a bus while walking across the street . good luck to you .

Answer 6

None, never, nada.... Never dated any guy like that for long, and if I had, the very first hint I was gone. Did date a morman guy in college who felt he (men) should be the 'leader of the ship'. He and I had a disagreement, and the discussion didn't end of in his favor --- he became extremely angry --- beyond anything I ever wished to deal with... I asked him to leave. and never saw him again...

So to answer your question, if anything ever looked or sniffed out to be even the slightest hint of any type of violence, either verbal or physical, I was outa there. Never found unreasonable people attractive..as soon as that side of them was there, in that one case, gone, as in evaporate.. and to this day, never understand why any man or woman would endure physical or verbal abuse --- the sex can't be that good, and I know how to get a job...and keep one, and excel in it..and there are just too many great men out there to bother with lowlifes.

Answer 7

My ex-h has an anger management problem. His first wife dovoced him because of it but I didn't kow. I knew that he was short tempered and arrogant, but I though thet one day he would "change". WRONG.

He yelled at me and called me names. He was cruel and demeneaning. He never treated with respect, but I thought that as long as he didn't hit me, it wasn't abuse.

Then things scalated, he was a black belt in Akido, so he strated to do those moves on me. He twisted my arms and fingers, throw me on the fllor and put his foot on my face. It's extremely painful.

Things got even worse, not only I had to deal with his treats and his emotional and verbal abuse, but then he started to strangle me often. I had to be smart and save myself and my son from this enviroment without raising his suspction. I couldn't take it anymore and knew that I had to leave.

One day he went for a bussiness trip and when he was there, I got a lawyer. I proceeded to called him up and told him not to come back and that he could speak to my lawyer. I told him that he could keep everything, the money, the house, the cars, everything and that the only thing that I wanted was my son.

I've been happy, safe and free ever since, in the company of my beautiful son.

Good luck

Answer 8

My ex-husband was a perfect gentleman when we met, and asked me lovingly about my experiences and my home life and later on in our marriage used those bits of information to torture me. First I was stupid, and then I was worse, then he started to hit me, but of course either he was drunk or high, or I made him do it, so it wasn't his fault. I got out, with help, and I never looked back. Now, I've been married over 21 years to a wonderful man, I went back to school and became a paralegal at 46 years of age. I work for an attorney who is the staff attorney for our local domestic violence outreach. So I can tell you to get out, it will be hard to count on just yourself, but the rewards are worth it.

Answer 9

I was in a relationship just like that years ago. It just happened to produce two wonderful kids out of it (the best thing about the relationship). I would tell you to run before it's too late. My ex threw me into the steps while i was pregnate and took my head and smashed it into the freezer...not too mention he pulled a cross-bow on me (thank GOD he was too drunk and high to be able to load it right). It started with the name calling and telling me that only he loves me and keeping me from my family....then he hit me. I delt with it...not knowing it would lead to worse things. He would be very charming afterwords too...acting like it never happend. He would tell me how sorry he was....it's a terrible cycle that they can not break. I am telling you now...RUN!!! get out of the relationship now. Don't wait...don't ask what you should do, you know what you NEED to do. You need to leave this relationship and get out while you can.

Answer 10

my husband would be charming at times then when hed be drinking he would hit me and choke me he alway's said he was sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me and he would cry and id feel bad and take him back i can't count the times when i lived in florida my husband blacked my eye and he spent time in jail i was in a domestic violence shelter i went to groups but later i ran into him and he made promises so i gave in again now im seprated because of the same stuff im not going give in anymore because i don't want to wind up dead and he is a alcoholic and bipolar i love him part of me can't seem to let go but i know i have too i realise he can be dangrouse