Wife found a soulmate after 6 years of marriage and can't stop seeing him.?

Question

My wife for 6 years feels she met her soulmate and is not willing to stop seeing him. My earlier q below:

She wants to stay with me forever because of our kids and also doesn't want to stop seeing this guy because she can't think of life without seeing him. But the problem is ours was very loving relationship until she met him. There were some small gaps between us because of her health issues. but I really love her. She now tells me she doesn't truly love me. She tells me that she likes me. I am unable to understand the difference between these two. Please don't suggest for a divorce since it's not accepted easily in the society I live in. My parents and her parents will be shattered.

I now want to meet up this "soulmate" guy and would like to talk to him about stopping seeing my wife. I'm not much familiar with him but I guess he's a bit immature. What could be his reaction?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ao2dCAfJcd5DU_Xvtvc8Ml7sy6IX?qid=20070130122947AAe9ESn

Answer 1

i have a similar experience. except I found my soul mate 14 years ago and did not know it. Our paths crossed 8 years later and i had married. but we became great friends over the course of 6 years. it wasnt until then that I realized alot of the reason i wasnt willing to work on my marriage was because i was in love with someone else. Its not that i didnt love my husband. infact because i loved him is why i left, the pain we were putting each other through was not healthy for either of us. my advice, if you love her let he find her happiness with him, be there if she needs you, be her friend. Staying together for the kids only hurt the kids the grow older and they will see a disfunctional marriage and more than likely end up in one theirselves later in life thinking it is normal. I do believe in soulmates but sometimes a soulmate is nothing more than someone that can teach you something about life (a life lesson) and once it is learned the connection is broken. I doubt after only knowing him for a short time he is but maybe her lesson is to stop looking at the grass on the other side thinking its greener. Sometimes a soulmate is a brother or someone from a past life that made an impact on you, its not always a romantic bond (that is a huge misconception). Othertimes the bond is so stong that its like meeting your long lost twin separated at birth that you did not know about. But without learning the lesson in this life it will be repeated in the next. (by the way for those that dont believe in past and future lives, you shouln't believe in soulmates.) Let her learn the lesson and move on, you will both be happier (not right away) but in the long run.

Answer 2

time for a wake up call. your wife cannot seriously believe that the situation can continue as is. either she wants her "soulmate" or she wants you and the kids and the house. do not enable this behavior.

divorce may not be acceptable in your culture, but really what other choice do you have short of imprisoning her and/or doing away with your rival in a manner that is likely even less acceptable than divorce?

if i were you i would kick her out today. let her go live with her "soulmate". short of that i would expose the affair to the people that matter to her. make her tell the kids why things are falling apart between you since this all results from her incredibly selfish behavior.

do not stay with her just becuase it's what your culture tells you to do. the only thing that can result in is a life time of pain.

i'm so sorry you have to go through this but really it's time to stand up and be a man. if your wife will not respect your marriage and the appropriate boundary of not allowing herself to fall in love with someone else you have to do what is right for both you and your children regardless of the stigma you will face.

Answer 3

You have seem to have worked out pretty well what the problems are in your marriage, which is a good start, and also that what you lack as a couple to solve them, i.e. communication skills. A good counsellor will be able to help you with this, and also work out why she no longer enjoys sex - there HAS to be a reason for this, and the lack of sex is probably what drove you to look outside your marriage anyway. One of the truest things I have heard is the statement "Men need sex to feel loved, and women need to feel loved to want sex". This is quite possibly the root of your problems too. My marriage has survived infidelity, even at the point where the children seemed the only reason for doing so, and its now better than it ever was before. You have affection for your wife, and if you can work out your differences, you CAN have a happy marriage. A word of warning though - working on your marriage will mean cutting ALL contact with your lover, if you are not prepared to do this, please dont put your wife through some sort of charade of "trying", you are either committed to the idea of making it work or you are not.

Answer 4

This is just my point of view...however were I come from marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman. Not a guy on the side. What are you suppose to do finance her dates, take care of the kids while she's out, and what happens when she isn't coming home at night. These are only a few questions you'll have to ask yourself. If you love her, tell her to pick between you and the other guy. It isn't fair for your kids or yourself to live like that. I'm sure if she looks deep down your life together hasn't been bad. She also needs to think about the little angels you created together. Good luck

Answer 5

This is a tough one. Was your marriage arranged? Not that it really matters. Staying together for the children doesn't work too well. If you are unhappy, they will be also. Kids can sense things and will realize more and more as they get older. So the wife gets to be happy, your parents get to be happy, this other guy gets to be happy. Where will your happiness come from? Maybe you should give the wife an ultimatum, maybe that would snap her out of this utter selfishness. Don't do that unless you are willing to follow through.

Answer 6

First off People Change and it's ok to Change. Do you want to be happy for the rest fo your life or are you going to let her walk all over you? I would first try a separation and see if anything gets better. Its easier to walk away from a marriage if you seperate first in my opinion. I would recommend dating other people while you are in the separation becasue you might find feelings that you might not know you had for someone else, you could be happier. As far as wanting to see the "soul-mate" I would not recommend it, do you really want to know what the "other man" looks like? You could be in for a big dissapointment, he could be someone you know and trusted. If it were me I would rather not meet him, but everyone is different. And if you and her were to divorce dont listen to what everyone else will say, (ex: My parents and Her Parents will be shattered) Do what feels right to you not what feels right to everyone else becasue your not married to everyone else your married to her, but like I said before even thinking about divorce try a separation, sometimes couples just need to take a break.

Answer 7

This is a serious threat to your marriage. Your spouse has to be #1. If a person develops a connection to another that is too strong or inappropriate, that relationship needs to be sacrificed for the good of the marriage.

Your wife is unwilling to do this. This is dangerous. She is putting another and herself ahead of you. Even if their relationship is not romantic (which I find hard to believe - even if it is just talk) is has usurped your marriage.

You need to put your foot down. I'm sorry your culture frowns upon this, but you asked - my opinion is that either she is your wife or she's not. She can't have the benefits of you as a husband but be free from the committments.

Answer 8

meeting up with him can only cause u hurt, because he may not be willing to see it your way. we can't change other people or make them do what is right, as they live by a different set of morals than we do. yes i have no doubt that your marriage was just fine before this man came between u. your going to just have to set her free and let her make her mistakes in life, and than if she returns to u it will be a happy ending, if not u will have to accept it. let her go be with him awhile and let her see just what it is like, chances are she will come back to u, especially if the man is immature he isn't going to be able to give her the life she has with u.

Answer 9

i don't know what you can do. but i doubt that you are going to be able to stop them from seeing each other. and everyone deserves to be with the person they love. and she is wrong for cheating, but she is not letting you go out and do the same. i don't know what you can do since you a going to have a hard time getting a divorce, but i know that if you stay in the marriage you are going to be unhappy, and that isn't fair. it's up to you to decide if you want to continue this charade of marriage or get a divorce, let everyone get upset, and pursue the chance of getting married to someone who will really love you.

Answer 10

You don't want to talk to this guy. Staying with someone because of the kids is not a reason to stay together. The two of you will argue and they will hear. You cannot hide things like this from you kids. They will realize that the two of you are not happy.
Your wife wants to see him. Let her. Set her *ss free.