I can't help but notice that the first answer for most of these questions regarding problems in a marriage boils down to things like "Get a divorce" or "leave" or "kick them out" or "give an ultimatum". When people take their marriage vows, they vow "For better or worse", so why is everybody so ready to call it quits (or to tell somebody else to) when "worse" comes along? Life is NOT a fairytale and nobody is perfect...
2007-02-09 00:39:34 · 27 answers · asked by Romans 8:28 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you...I could not have said it better myself. My hubby had an affair while working out of state last year, when it was finally out, I was indespair andwhen I was home alone I would come on here and ask for advice and most of the advice was just as you desribed above. It just is not that black and white to me...I have been married for 11 years and decided to put my all in repairing what was left of my marriage. He also put forth the effort. I am so glad I listened to my heart instead of some of the people on here. We are becoming a much closer couple and much better friends. We no longer take each other for granted. Its so easy to say what you would do, but until you are faced with the situation...you have NO IDEA what you would do. Marriage is not a cakewalk and you have to work at it. Everyone screws up and I would like to think that if I used bad judgement, got offcourse, confused, or just F'ed up, I would be given that second chance that I think evryone deserves.
2007-02-09 01:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that people jump to the divorce papers too quick.
However, there does come a point in the vow "for better and for worse" that worse is intolerable. If anyone is getting the hell beat out of them, or someone is an unrepentant cheater, drugs/alcohol abuse, child molester, etc. then I feel divorce is a perfectly good and legitimate option for first time offenses.
Marriage takes effort and time. It also takes a healthy mind set. You must be reasonable and rational. Most people are not willing to do or be these things. Unfortunately they don't realize that they aren't willing to do or be these things until after the wedding. People follow their lying hearts and lusts when choosing a life mate and not their rational mind.
Humans by nature are selfish creatures, and will always take the road of least resistance. The easy road has been cleared and it is the path of divorce.
2007-02-09 00:54:45 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your idea in principle.
However, some of the cases described on here are so severe that I cannot see any reason to continue the marriage.
I agree with you that most people give up way too easily. Most problems can be solved. However, there is only so much abuse a person can be asked to tolerate, or people only have so much capacity to forgive and move beyond adultery or other terrible things.
It would take a lot to make me divorce my wife. I can't see it ever happening. However, I am not a fool - if I become an abusive person I fully expect she will divorce me. If she decides to start having affairs I likely will end up divorcing her.
When one person abuses/cheats on the other, they have already broken the marriage vows (have/hold, forsake all others, love and cherish etc). The other person has been released from their end of the bargain. I think it is usually worth trying to fix the problems, but some problems cannot be fixed.
2007-02-09 00:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you 100%. Marriage is a commitment to love, honor and cherish each other in good and bad times. I think it's a lack of commitment and peoples perception that the grass is always greener on the other side. Everyone has something quirky about them or comes with some kind of baggage. I think people are way too quick to get divorced when the bad times come. When things get tough you 2 should turn towards each other to solve things not turn away from each other which is what so many people do. When you get through the tough times together it makes your marraige stronger. If only more people were willing to work at it. If people put as much time and energy into their relationships as they do their careers, things would be much better. Good question!
2007-02-09 01:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completly agree with you. I had marital problems a few years ago and almost got divorced. But decided to work it out after reading books on saving marriages. I found one that explains the history of divorce and why it is so popular today. It's called The Divorce Culture by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. Great book but it's all history.
Divorce should be a last resort after all avenues have been tried. Especially when children are involved.
2007-02-09 00:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do agree with you for the most part.I believe that marriage is a sacred committment that should be cherished and held together when at all possible.I myself would do anything at all times to keep my marriage together except for two thing's.I believe in the vows"for better or for worse"but there are two exceptions to that.I believe that there are two thing's that do not apply to the for worse part.If your spouse becomes physically abusive or is unfaithful those are the two exceptions that I believe are definate ground's for divorce.Worse does not mean that you should stay with a spouse that is cheating or abusive.As I said I would do anything to keep the marriage together except for those two reasons.Nobody deserves to be abused or cheated on.I believe that anything can be worked out except for those two thing's.You vow to be faithful and take care of eachother not to beat or cheat on eachother.I agree with you that a lot of people are quick to say get a divorce but I don't advise anyone to that UNLESS they have been abused or cheated on those two thing's are unforgiveable and unacceptable.There is absolutely no reason or justification for abuse or unfaithfulness in a marriage.These are just my morals & values I can deal with anything that comes along with the exception of abuse & unfaithfulness.As I said I do agree with you for the most part people are quick to advise divorce but there is an exception.
2007-02-09 00:57:47 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most couple nowadays just want an easy way out to their marital problems. they haven't realized that marriage is a commitment. accepting each other with each others faults and shortcomings. most people are not committed and not up to the challenge of the trials they will encounter in their marriage life. some are still immature and doesn't know or care what it should take to surpass all the challenges in a married life. yeah, they will stick through good times but through bad times... they give up easily. i believe that a couple before getting married should be given a seminar about what to expect in a married life. the ups and the downs... and how to handle it.
2007-02-09 06:25:59 · answer #7 · answered by Lola 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes marriages just can't be saved, it takes two to save a marriage, if the other person is unwilling there is nothing one can do. it is hard to save a marriage when one has betrayed u, and most people have no skills to work on problems, they just don't know how. unfortunately when some people don't get exactly what they want when they want it instead of talking it over they leave the relationship and go with someone else. people don't like to hurt and when they do they just try to get away from it. but the main problem is the unbelief in god and his principals.
2007-02-09 00:57:19 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also think so life is not a fairytale and nobody is perfet and getting a dirvoce is not a solution to your marriage problems yes you can leave but what about your next relationship or marriage do you think it might be better than this one since all men are brewed in the same pot. Good luck.
2007-02-09 01:24:42 · answer #9 · answered by pinky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The married individual is the to blame social gathering. They be attentive to they are married (and in many circumstances lie approximately that certainty to their lover, who could think of they are seeing a unmarried individual). The married individual is breaking their marriage vows, hurting their husband/spouse and family members and so on. the unmarried individual is the enabler, even though it could have been all and diverse, if the married individual has a cheating coronary heart and concepts. all of us come for the time of temptation in our lives, yet whilst married, its as much as the married individual to say no! And stay dependable and dedicated to their husband/spouse. apparently adequate, the betrayed better half in many circumstances blames the unmarried individual. because of the fact they had extremely have self assurance that its the sweetheart who led to all of it. yet rather, for a miles better half to cheat, potential that something is incorrect interior the relationship, or with the cheating better half, otherwise they by no potential might have entertained the assumption of cheating in any respect.
2016-11-02 23:34:29 · answer #10 · answered by bonanno 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋