My ex and i have a child together, i am with someone else, but my ex has a wonderful relationship with my son, and i keep the peace with my ex for my son's sake....the thing is i believe i am still holding a grudge when i think of the times i struggled to make lt on my own for my child and myself, my son has grown into a fine young man, and his father did none of the hard work but gets to reap the benefits and love of my son?.....why do i sometimes allow the past to take me back when things are just fine now?
2007-02-09 00:33:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have every right to feel the way you do. I'm sure your son knows all the sacrifices and struggles that you went through to make him into the wonderful person he is now. My biological father was in and out of my life when I was a child but I always loved him. As an adult the same thing has happened and now I have completely cut him out of my life and have grown to appreciate all my mom and stepfather have done for me even more than I did. Consider your son lucky that his father wants a relationship with him. There are many men who completely run out on their kids forever.
2007-02-09 00:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you need to take your son out of this. You can't expect him NOT to love his father. I don't care if your ex did nothing to raise your son...if they have a great relationship now, that is so wonderful! Don't take that away from your son.
Second of all, the grudge isn't just going to go away on it's own. You have to decide that you are going to just accept what happened and drop it. You can spend the rest of your life being mad at your ex for whatever it is he did to you, but really where will that get you? It won't change the past and you'll spend the rest of your life being miserable.
Instead, you need to muster up enough strength within yourself to accept the things that happened between you and make the decision to drop it! When you do that, you can live in peace knowing that you are not going to let the past hold you down any longer. It will be easier on your son as well because even though you are "keeping the peace", he still knows that you are bitter. Trust me, he knows.
It is hard...but just remember, it will NEVER go away on it's own. You have to make it go away.
Good luck...I hope you find some peace.
2007-02-09 00:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sons have a father that they are neither close to or proud of.
I am very sad for them. Be glad that your son is happy.
You are jealous and hurt. Suck it up. Your son is probably still young but he will someday realize all that you have done. Did your ex pay child support? If he did then he made a contribution. Also he must have been a good father if his son loves him too.
Chill out. Feelings like this will eat you up if you let them.
2007-02-09 01:01:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be hard for me if I were in you're situation. If I were to leave my husband (i'm not) but that would put me in a situation that would be so awful. I would struggle with raising my 2 little ones and I don't have many skills so I wouldn't support them the way I would like. my husband if he were an ex would be there for them though. Yes as you can see i've thought about it. And i think I would have a hard time not blaming my ex. I think only counceling would help in this situation. Be proud though that your son turned out so well, you were a good Mom.
2007-02-09 00:54:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It has to do with the power of ego. EGO wants to have it's way and be right all the time. You actually might have to write out all you are grateful for in the NOW, and remembers that yesterday is gone and can't be gone over again. The fact that we don';t always get what we want is a good thing, for it develop es humility and humbleness. In Buddhism, there is only now. Yesterday is just a memory, but ego find a way to empower itself so as to trick US to think it';s now again., tell it to get back into The past where it belongs.
You must develop more creative in the now things to do, especially if they fall within the dominion of contributing to society, for that is where you'll feel the most accomplished and connected to your higher self. Volunteer, start a non profit organization, take up a hobby, etc. There are so many in this world with far far less than you have, and showing gratitude for what you have is the key for serenity in the now.
2007-02-09 00:44:15 · answer #5 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You just have to let it go. Don't think about your son's relationship with your Ex - concentrate on your relationship with your son.
Do things with him and create special moments to talk about when you are old. You have a great son and YOU did that. Be proud of what you have done and that you raised a son who is able to forgive.
Don't let the past ruin your future with your son.
2007-02-09 00:46:11 · answer #6 · answered by Collette L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some wounds are realy hard to heal. u went through tough times and managed to raise ur son alone. at that time didnt u wish a good family for ur son?/ didnt u wish for hima family with a loving father, who would mend his toys and paly football with him? well, atleast ur son got the love of a father, though u were separated from ur husband. try to look at it that way. havent u read abt ruined families where children suffers from their parents separation. u didnt let ur child suffer that trauma. instead, u decided to forget everyhting for the sake of ur child. not many peopel will be able to do such a thing. i know a family where the parenst are separated. each parent tries to feed his or her child with bad lies and fabricated stories abt the other, so that the child will stay with him or her. dont u think that through ur unselfish deed u have done something good for ur son. i know it is hard for u to forget the past. try to understand that ur ex is not reaping the benefits of ur work. he is not a part of ur life at all. all that u ahev done is for ur son. thats all. i am sure ur son too understands that and loves u deeply. u have done ur duty and ur satisfaction is all that matters. dont cling to the memories of the past. learn to let them go. why do u waste time thinking abt something that hardly has any relevance in ur present life?whey do u allow others actions to ruin ur happiness? remember that ur happiness is in ur hands. eevrything is fine now and u neednt think abt the past. instead try to focus on the present and enjoy the happiness of the present times, beacuse everything is fine now. all the very best to u.
2007-02-09 00:59:11 · answer #7 · answered by lilac4u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get caught up in that. The past is gone and nothing can be done to change it. If you allow the past to mess with your mind, you are actually losing out on the present. Live this day as it comes. Put the past behind you and be proud of the son you raised. Don;t let past feelings ruin one minute of today!
2007-02-09 00:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Deep wounds like that take a long time to heal. There may always be some sort of resentment, but time should help you with that. It's great that your son has turned into such a fine young man, best thing is that YOU know that YOU gave your best and really that's all that matters.
2007-02-09 00:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
we have to forgive the past, not letting the person who hurt us to get off the hook but forgive for our own sake. the past has a way of creeping back in our minds once in a while. we have to be thankful for what we do have and forget what happened to us in the past. if your having trouble with this take it to god, ask him to help u get past this, and he will. yes it is normal to feel hatred for someone who didn't help u who now reapes the benefits of your hard work, when they did nothing to help u. just take it to god, as k for help and sooner or later it will come.
2007-02-09 00:51:15 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋