My husband of 2 1/2 yrs is not interested in sex or even kissing me and I dont and cant understand why?

Question

Im an attractive woman w/ high sex drive. He used to have a sex drive too now he has none. Hes selfish & wants only HJ & BJ's. I ve given him plenty. used to do that every day for him, but I got frustrated & realized hes selfish with his love. He doesnt give it back to me. I dont have bad breath so I dontunderstand why he cant kiss me. He said he doesnt like it. ive dressed up in a maid's costume, lingerie, stockings etc.(his suggestion) butall has stopped. Im not over weight. He never wants to giveme back anything. Im sick & tired ofbeing frustrated & giving him whatever he wants when he wants it.never getting anything back. Not even a kiss. very rarely a hug. we have kids, butnot together so idea of having time alone is never, only when we go to bed at night. I go around thesame time & we sleep nude. i m so depressedand cry alot. He doesnt knowthis. I ve moved from the USA to canada to immigrate for him. im waiting on papers now. I gave up all for him and now this??

One thing I do have sex toys and we have shared them together, but he says i am extremely good at bj's I know i am, but i getbored of it and want attention. im about ready to ive up. I know we have a lot of stress. divorce isnot alwys the answer. I do beleive in wokring this out and I wont have an affair.

also, 1 more thing, our relationship doesnt center around sex. it ceners around the family.

sorry aboaut this ques, but there was a person on this that i wanted toreply to privatley, but do not know how to find that person. canyou help me?

in answer to someone here, he doesnt have affairs. i know this and i couldnt do that to him. we have fun together too. I am relient on him, because i am legally unable to work here. im waiitng for my papers here. I do not know very many people and we live in the country deep in the country. i think it is stress related, but we have talked about manythings. its stress and he is lazy with sex. he is a hard worker at work and at home, but lazy with me. he was not always likethis. heused to be attentive towards me.

i would go to counselling hewould not. and as far as me just jumping all over him i have tried that too. we never have time alone - ever........ so the couchis out. we do things like that when the kids are not around, but its rare. its always so quick that i never get off so i dont like todo that then its for him again.......

I will try very hard this weekend to do the things he needs to do as I always do. I am not too lcingy, but I do not know many people here. I let him do whateverhe wants todo. manytimes we do things together, but its always with the kids andnever alone. i will take some advice and try to keep my chin up. I will give him another BJ, but with somelingerie on. I used to do that all the time, but I got sick ofit too. bored because there was nothing for me. it became a chore. I used to just love it and wanted it all over me, but enough fo that. I would like to have some fun too. I do get myself off becuase im so frustrated, but that gets old too. do I stay or should I leave? He is my husband and that is not an easy option. i dont thnk thats the anwer either. I have told him and he must know my frustrations. i have gone on strike. i have donealmost everything everyone has said here except the affair thing. THAT I wont do. It leads to mistrust and other issues. thanks guys

i stopped doing all those things because he stopped. i used to put the outfit on his side of the bed. ia have bought love dice nd wrote anote for him to roll it etc... he didnt roll it once for me :(....

I know he is not having an affair . he is owrking and he comes home right away and stays home. when we go out we usually do things together. he is also a volunteer fireman and he gets calls, abut rarely. i hear the calls at home. im also a 42 year old woman who has owned 2 businesses and understands why i shouldnt not be financially dependant on a man, but we aremarried and do trust eachother in that way. this is a small area and everyone knows everyone so the idea of an affair is ludicrous. Ithink it is sstress. the more i think about it and really discuss this.

Answer 1

Time to dump this selfish jerk. He has many problems. It's time to come back to the USA and find a real man who will be more than willing to love you for who you are and willing to make wild passionate love to you as often as you'll let him.

This guy is definately a jerk.

Answer 2

You sound so familiar! I said no way he is having an affair. He isn't gone that long etc. Well he was having an for 5 years. Everything you say could have been me talking as a matter of fact everything you are saying I did say. Don't ever assume anything. If he doesn't agree to go have medical testing, then if not a medical problem, marriage counseling then run as fast as you can. It will only get worse as time goes by. Does he try to make everything seem like your fault?????

Answer 3

I agree with Rusty! Men go crazy at the sight of a woman in nylons and a garter belt, especially when it is not part of a costume, but when it it is with every day dress. Wear them when you go out, with jeans, corduroys of anything. If he asks why, just say you tried them, because someone told you they were comfortable and now you love them. He will start attacking you soon.

Ditch the socks and sneakers for a while and get some little flats around the house, and heels when you go out . Stockings and heels look great with jeans!

Answer 4

honey, im having the same problem, i too live with a man who for whatever reason STOPPED giving me affection, kisses, hugs, sex. it IS devastating and really hard to not take personaly. i know! i too have also tried everything going..and it just seems to not help..and ppl will tell u to talk to him..like thats gonna cure it..BUT in my case made things worse.
i wish i had an answer for you..im at the point where leavin my marriage is a HUGE possibility at this point! im young and want to love and be loved..and when someone you love doesnt much care about how there actions are making YOU feel..u gotta wonder if they love you back!
if u need or want to talk to someone who has the same prob..maybe we can help each other..look me up..
best of luck! and chin UP!

Answer 5

You said, "in answer to someone here, he doesnt have affairs. i know this and i couldnt do that to him."

You DON'T "know this." You ASSUME this. That's a very dangerous mistake to make, giving someone blind trust. As you get older, you'll learn this.

You've put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position - you're totally financially dependent on this guy. Mistake NUMBER TWO.

I'm over 45 and have learned some real hard truths in life.

#1: no one is looking out for you, but YOU.

#2: never, EVER depend on someone else to survive.

#3: see numbers #1 and #2.

Answer 6

Ok, heres what you do, tell him you are going to give him his demanded BJ tonight, but you want to try something a little different, then tie him up. Dress in your sexiest lingerie or costume and show him just how perfect your body is. Tease him, toy with him, make him beg to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you and of course to make love to you. Men are very visual, give him a visual he wont forget. Don't forget those teasing touches, really will drive him wild, maybe even give him a BJ but stop before he gets off. Email me if you want other ideas.

Answer 7

hey sweetie, I'm sorry to here of your dilemma. My first thought while reading this was if he has some action going on on the side, could that be a possibility?

I mean, you sound pretty hot, sexy, fun, playful, erotic, etc....what more could a man want (actually, you sound fun for me!). Somewhere he has a disconnect that hasn't surfaced and you've got to discover what it is.

Have you tried just throwing him down on the couch and after a quick blojob to get him hard, sitting down right on top of his cocck? You know, being seriously aggressive? Maybe try things like this.

I hope all works well for you.

xoxo
Sophia

Answer 8

He's cheating on you and the guilt will not let him get close to you.That's why he is distant and treats you like a paid whore.That's my opinion because I'm just like you. Good in bed,sexy as all hell,high sex drive etc. We R the same!! It happened to me! Just like that. NO JOKE!!!All of a sudden nothin' but BJ's. He finally told me. I'm sorry if I hurt you or made you upset and I hope to God I'm wrong. Strange your situation though U R so much like me,even down to the kids. I could have been asking this Q 2 yrs ago.

Answer 9

From reading your side, it seems as if he need it a home care taker, not a wife or a mother....there are people in the world this way...its nothing you did or doing...the whole purpose for you was/is is to take care of home....
I am assuming the sex comes only when he needs to get off...I can't tell you to leave your marriage, but I can say pray and search deep inside...ask God to give you the strength to do what is right....take care....my prays will be with you...

Answer 10

I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. But I did want to say that you sound like a perfect wife. HJ and BJ all the time? Dressing up? You're what every man wants in a wife and he really should appreciate what he has.

Answer 11

Hi,

One of my friends had the same problem . He had very low sex drive even though his wife was very beautiful and very caring. Later they found that he had some hormones lowered. I am not sure whether this must be the same case with ur husband but there is no harm in checking it. If he has good sex drive and still he is uncaring , then perhaps there must be other issues involved that u might not know.

Hope that u can settle this problem. Feel free to mail me if u wish to.

byee,

alex