He has a daughter and when I got with him I didnt think I wanted any of my own. Now maybe I do, I'm not sure. What should I do?
2007-02-08 23:52:43 · 16 answers · asked by sara y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is something you really need to talk about before you consider getting married - having a baby is such a fundamentally important thing to some people that it's very hard to compromise on. If he really doesn't want any more children, it's not fair for you to force him, just as it's not fair for him to deny you a child if you want one - and most women do. If he's absolutely opposed to the idea and won't even discuss it, then you might be better off finding a man who will.
2007-02-08 23:58:42 · answer #1 · answered by f0xymoron 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation you are in and I know it is not easy. I can tell you from my personal experience, giving up the option of having children to be with someone else is a BIG deal.
If you are questioning yourself now, chances are if you stay in this relationship you may find yourself resenting him later on. I know when my ex-fiance would spend time with his daughter it sometimes upset me because I realized I would never have that parent-child bond, and my ex-fiance didn't seem to realize what a huge sacrifice it was for a woman to give up that option in order to stay with a man. After the relationship ended it was like the clouds lifted - and I can honestly say that I have never been happier. Now when I see babies/kids/etc instead of getting that sad feeling I get feelings of hope - hope of someday holding my baby in my arms.
This is a big issue - and I suggest you do some soul searching and really think about what you may be giving up. Good luck.
2007-02-09 01:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by Leah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to decide how important it is to you to have kids of your own. if this is something that you really want, you need to discuss it with your fiance and hope that he has changed his mind as well. If this turns into a situation where you really want them and he really doesn't, it probably would be best for you guys to go your separate ways so that you can both find someone who shares your same views on this subject.
Whenever one person in the relationship wants children and the other person doesn't, the relationship is bound to fail. Because if you do have kids, the person who didn't want them is going to start feeling resentment for having them. And if you don't have kids, the person who did want them is going to start feeling resentment for not having them.
So, talk about this with your fiance. It is very important that you are honest about your feelings and that he is honest about his.
Good luck and I hope I was able to help.
2007-02-09 00:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by fungirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this but move on. Children should only ever be brought into this world when both parties really want them to be around, and it just isn't something that someone should feel pressured into doing.
Your partner is doing the right thing and being honest with you, so i have to applaud him for that. Now you need to be honest with yourself and if you really want children and he doesn't then it's time for you both to move on, or you have decide that you can live a life without your own children.
2007-02-08 23:58:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's an old saying, "you can't always get what you want"
and an even older saying, "you always want what you can't have.
Talk to your fiance' tell him how you feel, that your torn, I'm sure the feeling of truly wanting children came after he said he didn't want any.
If you really want children then be honest with him, maybe he's not the one you should be with.
2007-02-09 00:02:05 · answer #5 · answered by MKM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to get this worked out between you before you get married or it will cause a lot of resentment btween you. If you feel like you may want children one day, you must be honest with him. If he says an absolute no then you have to decide whether to give up that dream for this man or to move on with your life. I know it's a very tough subject but you really need to resolve this issue before you say I do. Good luck.
2007-02-09 02:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide now before marriage if you are going to have children or not. If after you get married and this subject comes up again. You could be headed for big trouble.
Don't marry until you both decide on this issue. If you both decide not to have children after you are married and you end up pregnant, he's really going to be mad and more than likely resent you for it for the rest of your life.
2007-02-08 23:57:41 · answer #7 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats too bad isnt it? I mean I love children and would love to have some of my own too one day, with the right person as my husband. Well maybe you can just say that you would like to have a person who might have some of your traits and his and convince him by all means.
2007-02-08 23:58:11 · answer #8 · answered by Linn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him...tell him you might like to have a least one child in a couple of years after you get married. If he says he doesn't want anymore and doesn't take your feelings into consideration, then what does your relationship mean, when he is being shelfish.?
2007-02-08 23:58:25 · answer #9 · answered by mizzgrizz01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well try to tak to him and find out what he really wants and think , if is not good for you or you are not happy with his answer , you need to make a desition either stay or leave ...and let me tell you something ...how about you let the years go by with no kids and then after all you guys don't even end up together ..that would it be veeeeeeery f...... up ! don't you think? ...i think he is being very selfish right now..so think about you more , because he is not ...good luck
2007-02-08 23:57:03 · answer #10 · answered by yaquese 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋