How do I explain to my 6 year old that her 17 year old cousin is pregant?

Question

It is a big deal and I just don't know what to say to her. I have always told her that only adults or married people can have babies (call me narrow minded). We havent had a talk about how babies get here. Is this the time to tell her? And if so then what do I say? My husband says to let her cousin and aunt tell her but in the end she will come to us with the questions. Please help, my family needs it big time.

Answer 1

Now 28 and a mom of 2, I can relate to your situation. I was 17 when I got pregnant for the first, unmarried and still in my senior year of high school. For the record, with my son now 2, I first got married, waited 3 years before becoming pregnant. The 2 experiences are totally oposite!
First, I would like to say to try and put yourself in the shoes of your neice, it is a challange, and often embarassing! Avoiding polotics, she is trying to do a noble thing by prematurly giving up her adolesence for motherhood; this is often acompanied by dirty looks at the mall and negativity by strangers. It is extremly difficult to mother a child and make something of yourself at the age of 17-18. She needs a lot of support, not to be made to feel guilty or ashamed.
As far as explaining to your 6 year old, I suggest that you be simple in your explaination - "cousin is going to have a baby." This will be accompanied by questions, which you should answer HONESTLY. In today's world pregnacy before marriage is not uncommon. Adolesent pregnacy is difficult, a good way to prevent it happening to your daughter is by talking to her honestly at an early age about sex.
You can also use your pregnant niece as an example to show her what your neice has lost by her early pregnancy (without being critical or negative.) You might say, for example things like "your cousin is a little sad tonight, because she is having a baby she cannot go to the prom with her friends." Or, "look how hard your cousin has to work to go to school, have a job and be a mommy"
Overall, honesty is the best answer, we cannot protect our children with white lies that support or backup our moral believes!

Answer 2

I have a lot of experience with little children at preschool age.Hope the advice is helpful gfor you.
First you should break the rule "No babies before marriage" because it isn't real no matter how many do parents like it.
Your niece's pregnancy is a perfect moment to start talking with your daughter about sexuality.Start talking about it earlier.Don't wait the big conversatio for 'birds and bees'.Instead,look for oportunities to talk about sexuality during the whole life of your daughter.You should be correct so your daughter takes the message that sexuality is something normal in our lifes and it's not a Big Secret or something.Your daughter is 6 years old which means she can be told the truth from sperm and ovum to giving birth.
Here is an example of appropriate conversation for a 6-year-old about babies:
Question:"Where do babies come from?"
Answer:"Babies are made when something calles 'sperm',coming out of the man,seminates the ovum in the woman.When both of them combine,new life begins.The new life is called embrion.The embrion needs 9 month to turn into a baby and be born.The woman usually goes to the hospital and the baby comes out of her vagina.
Question:"How does the sperm go into the woman?"
Answer:"That's a really good question.You really want to know the answer?Have you heard of 'sex' or 'make love'?These are words which describe a very special activity between two people.When a man and a woman love each other and decide to make a family,they make love.That includes hugs,kisses and intimacy.When a baby is created the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina and there is a liquid called sperm flowing out of the penis into the vagina.Usually the sperm and the ovum combine and the new life is made".

During the conversation,mention that the man and the woman usually do that when they want to make a family but in some cases like your niece's they do it without making the family.Tell your daughter that it's not the biggest mistake inthe world but simply it's not the best decision two people can do because the new baby will need a mother and a father and in this case there won't be a father(or will be but he won't be part of the family).

If you need more advice you can contact me.Good luck!

Answer 3

She is 6 years old, let her keep her innocence for a little longer. Some children i know 5-9 were asking my friend how you got a baby and she told them that a woman grows an egg inside her until she wants to have a baby then she goes to the doctors and they give her a medicine which makes the baby! I think thats really sweet! Let her stay a child for a few more years and just say some people want to take the medicine at different times and yher cousin just wanted it now!

Answer 4

Guide her not to 'do the deed' with him because it counts as statutory rape and if anyone found out, the 17 year old would be tried in criminal court by the state (this doesn't mean that it's your sister turning him in, but anybody who leaks it to the police-- by law they are obligated to try him). One the age thing... yes, 3 years doesn't usually matter once you are an adult- but it does when you are younger. When you are 14, you are still significantly learning about the world and are quite vulnerable to influences. If the 17 year old really likes her, then he will be willing to wait and just have a good time with her.

Answer 5

wow...that is tough. You are trying to enstil good values in your child, but now to have to tweak what you told her. I would say something along these lines..
"Honey, do you remember when Mommy told you only married people and adults can have babies? (wait for answer) Well sweetie that is how it should be, but it doses't always work out that way." After she understand that tell her about her cousin and ASSURE her that her cousin is not a horrible person for being pregnant and not married but at the same time stress the importanace of being married for her so she understands that is how it normally works. I think she'll understand and will be very excited about a baby on the way.

Answer 6

well the 17 year old cousin probably seems like a grown-up to your 6 year old, just tell her so-an-so (sorry don't know her name) is going to have a baby, I am with you my daughter will be 7 in a few days and I have hidden my period from her because you know how little girls are always asking questions I know I need to start explaining about periods because both my nieces started their periods at age of 9. good luck and no I don't think you are narrow-minded there are so many things that rob our kids of just being a kid, good luck telling her.

Answer 7

Six is too young to tell about how babies REALLY get there. Whenever someone in my family got pregnant, my mom and dad just told me that "Aunt Jane and Uncle Bill" told God they wanted to have a kid and God gave them a baby because Aunt Jane and Uncle Bill love eachother and will be good parents. Tell your daughter (I assume) that her cousin told God that she wanted a baby and it was the wrong time to ask. Or something along the lines that she asked for the baby or God gave her a baby on accident??? I wouldn't say anything about sex or anything about her boyfriend or anything. That would completely boggle her brain out of her head.

Answer 8

6 is too young for the birds and bees or moral judgments. Just tell her that her cousin is going to have a baby. You don't have to explain anything. If she has any questions, then answer her questions and don't ad lib. It's not a big deal to kids, only to adults.

Answer 9

"Your cousin is going to have a baby! We're all very happy for her."

Children don't judge people; not until adults teach them to, anyway.

And, as for the other question -- yes, she should have a basic idea of where babies come from. I can't remember ever not knowing.

Answer 10

Just be honest with her and tell her the truth about her cousin and where babies come from. Right now, she only understands that only grown and married ppl could have kids. At 6, she should be able to understand when you explain to her that ppl could have kids younger and unwed through sex. Tell her about sex but don't be too graphic.