I started seeing my ex in 2003 and we broke up in 2005, while we we're together i became very close to his family, especially his mum and i know it devastated her when we broke up, as i was told by a mutual friend that she kept up pictures of myself and my ex and actually started calling my ex's new girlfriend by my name. But since our break up i have been engaged to someone else but that has ended and my ex himself is now engaged. I recently saw a mutual friend of ours and it brought back alot of memories so now i feel like i would like to go and see my ex's parents, but im terrified its a really bad idea? Also i dont want to cause any riffs for my ex and his new girl. (Also i have no interest romantically in my ex, although i do care about his happiness.) Its difficult for me as my ex's family became like a second family to me for the two years we were together. So obviously i miss them. Can anyone help me?
2007-02-08 21:56:14 · 10 answers · asked by Lar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
After my ex got engaged he came to see me it was a couple of days after xmas (just gone) to exchanged xmas cards to each other and families. I spoke with him about his family and he said they would love to see me and that he didnt mind as he thinks of me as a good friend (our break up was mutual). But still i dont want to upset anyone.
2007-02-08 22:31:40 · update #1
My ex and I split up in 2004 after nearly 4yrs together and I know what you mean about being close to their families his father lives in europe but I was lucky enough to get to meet him when he came over on 2002 so we always did the bday/xmas card/and or phone call and i get the odd postcard from him if he's tripping around and all that. I am still in contact with his mum via e-mail and msn etc. So it depends on if seeing them will bring back too many memories if not go ahead i'm sure they would love to see you still think they are enough apart of your life to want to come and see them. I saw my ex's mum about 6mths after we split up and it was fine so go for it
2007-02-08 22:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by wilo_chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are emotionally ready to handle a 3 year old at 16. I would stay away. If you were older and emotionally more mature I would say as long as the relationship with the ex is stable then go for it. You must be willing to except and love this child to some extent. It can be a very rewarding experience as the child will except you also at such a young age. This does not mean that you need to be mom # 2. It just means that the child will bond, trust and love you if you spend time together. It is a huge fear that if you break up no matter what the reason that the pain is doubled by not just losing one relationship but two relationships. That is a risk that only you can decide is worth taking. I have personally at 20 years of age took on my girlfriends 3 young daughters. The struggle I had providing financially was well worth the reward of being called dad by those 3 beautiful girls. I am 36 now and even though about a year ago me and the ex split I still am dad to the girls. They would never let that change. I wouldn't give up my relationship with them for the world. They are now 21, 19, and 16 and the 21 year old just gave me a granddaughter. Here is what I can tell you.. The Kid makes the relationship EXTREMELY serious! You need to be an adult around him, You need to be a solid role model! This means language, actions, fighting, etc..... This will be an ENORMOUS amount of work and will put ENORMOUS strains on your relationship! There will be plenty of times when you will need to deal with the ex. Even if not directly. He will need to see her, he will need to deal with her, they will need to have appointments together, and you will need to be able to handle this as an adult. You will need to be STABLE and create a stable enviroment. Your boyfriend will need to do the same. This is not PLAYING HOUSE! What ever you decide to do I wish you luck.
2016-05-24 00:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not go back, it will cause trouble, you are correct in worrying about it.
No matter what is happening you are not part of that family now, life has changed for everyone and you could cause the resurfacing of old wounds and feelings.
I think it would be very selfish to visit them. Your heart and conscience already warned you it was not right, You must learn to listen to your inner self and act accordingly.
Your memories should be kept in your heart and not brought back when the whim strikes you. This feeling will pass. Cherish your relationship with them always but leave it as part of the past,.
If we live in the past we will not be now nor have a future.....
2007-02-08 22:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is you have to realised they are not your family, they feel like a second family but its not your place to have them in your life..... find happiness in your friends and your family its being greedy if you want to take someone elses... its his new gf's place now.... but don't worry you will create a better and new stronger bond when you meet the right guy and with his family and you'll see its not worth it! Don't live in the past enjoy the now!
2007-02-08 22:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by ???????? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't know what you should do, but I really think that you shouldn't trust anyone's opinion here, since only you really know the circumstances. Maybe you should give the ex's mother a call and see how she's doing, and maybe ask if she wanted to go out for dinner sometime?
2007-02-08 22:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by Steven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you send them a xmas card
that would be a step
you can also call first just talk for a bit ask if everyone is ok and how are things going
let her take the first step she may say call again or stop over
on the phone it is less pushy and not as defensive then face to face
2007-02-08 22:01:22 · answer #6 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a good idea... Do not go and see them.. If you really miss them, call them on the phone... Be honest with yourself, is it really over for you with your ex or are you reflecting your emotions for your ex by transferring them to his family???
And never re-start a finished relationship, it simply does not work...
2007-02-08 22:08:43 · answer #7 · answered by e077168 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt exactly the same way about my ex's family, but i decided to leave them in peace. cos i thought that they were his family ahead of mine, and if he didn't want me talking to them it would be unfair. i'm not telling you what you should do, your situation may be different to mine, and it sounds as though you were closer to them than i was, but that's what i chose to do
2007-02-08 22:05:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on. what's in the past is past. your ex may feel threatened and that all of youz guys are plotting against him.
find a new b/f and move on.
2007-02-08 22:00:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go and do not be sckaerd
2007-02-08 22:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by monte c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋