It is at the end of my relationship, and while I can realize the relationship is pretty much over, I need concrete answers as to the why it is over. (as a side here, It both is and is not a standard relationship in question, but it was meant to be a relationship in all aspects).
The other person throws out pretty generic answers:
“Because I just don’t feel it anymore,” (responses of that nature)
My response is “Why, what changed?” “Give me a list,” (I need the real meanings, hurtful or not).
“What did I do wrong?”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“If I didn’t do anything wrong, then what’s the issue?”
I don’t think he actually hears me when I say I am a failure.
He claims I am making it too logical and analytical.
I say that if (hypothetically that is) we were in counseling or talking to a third party, the same sort of in depth questions would be posed, he seemingly disagrees with that.
He feels that he doesn’t need to validate any of his responses, I disagree.
He thinks that by saying he is really sorry, and he didn’t mean to hurt me, et al, that somehow I should just readily accept it. I don’t.
So now I come to y’all…and let me say this: While sympathy is nice and much appreciated, I do also need the “brute” honesty of your answers.
Am I in the wrong for needing more explanation? Should I just accept his basic answers, or should I keep probing?
Is he wrong to get flustered when I do probe for more, or since he is the one who wants to end, should he buck up and lay it all out?
2007-02-08 21:00:03 · 13 answers · asked by Just Cub 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i found out that you will probably never know the truth, i don't know if they are chicken to tell the truth, or that they are hiding information from you
2007-02-16 18:08:53 · answer #1 · answered by aabbcc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing...is only going to cause you both a great deal of frustration and heartache.
It is over for him. We all have the right to choose to be with people or not. The 'talking it over' part...should have come before the breakup. Once someone has decided to move on...we must accept it..even if it is not what we want.
You are just arguing with him and it made me tired just reading your conversation! I can only imagine what he must be feeling.
He doesn't want to hurt you. He wants to move onto a new path. You must respect him and yourself enough to let him go. Accept it. No matter how much you 'understand' why he wants to leave...it will not change anything. It doesn't sound like you really want the answers anyway...you just want to convince him he's wrong...or make him change his mind. Pain!
There is an awesome book that will almost guarantee you a happier outlook on this issue. It is called "How to Heal Your Heart in 30 Days". It's an easy read and helps move you from the horrible pain of the end of a relationship...to feeling better about yourself and your future relationships.
We must have enough dignity to stand strong and be with people who want to be with us...for all the right reasons. There is a reason for everything sweetie. Someone even more wonderful will come along.
Best wishes.
2007-02-16 15:16:45 · answer #2 · answered by kallie m 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's only normal to assume it's your fault because he wants to break up & there's nothing wrong with wanting to know the why's. He seems to have a hard time verbalizing his thoughts, so let it be. You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip, as the old saying goes. Sometimes, we hear more if we remain silent. No need to keep probing, as it will only provoke him even more. Maybe in time, he can better express his true feelings on paper. For now, just let it ride & move on with your life. What you feel he needs to tell you & what he actually says, are two different things. You may not want to accept what he says but you really have no other choice. In time, the real truth will all come out & maybe then, you'll be at peace with yourself. Good luck!
2007-02-14 20:01:49 · answer #3 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have enough people telling you to move on so I won't belabor that point. But I will say this, you sound very clingy. The same reason why you just gotta know why it didn't work, is probably the same needy trait of yours that didn't mesh in this relationship. And you probably (compared to him) over-analyzed the relationship too much. That's a buzz killer there for some people. And then to follow it up with your self-pity..... yeah, you need a special kind of mate. Or you might want to work on tolerance and self confidence. you said you wanted honesty.....
2007-02-17 04:33:16 · answer #4 · answered by You have 22 characters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to avoid hurting you any more by NOT saying what the problem really is and that is I am pretty sure, thats hes met someone else and wants to move on. He is feeling Guilty, and really does not want to explain any more than he already has. You need to just let him move on and you go on with your Life. If you can part as friends, do so. You may just want to cross that Bridge again someday but for now, give him his freedom and you get out and enjoy Life..
2007-02-17 03:15:50 · answer #5 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very typical for women to want to get into a long drawn out conversation about why ,where when and how and men are more the lets just get it over with b/c they hate to get into long conversations where they thik there is going to be a fight or there going to say the wrong thing and hurt us. For some reason if women dont get a explanation they want we dig and dig for the answer.Listen to me dont say,bring up,probe or fight just let him go its hard b/c we need closeur just let him go and while he left you open to suffer soon or alater he will wish he didnt walk out that door. Dont give him the satisfaction of hurting you as much as he is already doing. Take a walk. no sympathy here only truth.
2007-02-09 05:19:09 · answer #6 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes there is not a particular straight answer when someone is not in love with you anymore.
Pressuring him to give you answers that he may not have will not help you, I can understand your flustration but I think you should get the hell out of it and don't become the needy victim.
Ultimately you will still be hurt whether you get answers or not, so don't hang around any longer, walk away strong with your head held high.
You don't need his excuses you need to move on.
Its a shame that he will not give you answers to help you move on, but that is his problem not yours. Don't waste anymore time on him.
Get your glad rags on and get out there, there could be someone new and interesting waiting around the corner !! good luck
2007-02-09 05:12:05 · answer #7 · answered by bambam 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he just wants to move on and you are "boring" to him. Which could be his loss. truly don't give up on love but if he clearly doesn't feel it, you need to get away because love shouldnt be wasted.
Find someone that better suits you, even if you just find yourself in the meantime.
2007-02-17 03:20:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually i could never figure out why someone has to have explanations. if someone doesn't love or want to be with a person why just end it. that is better then going on and just using you and why in the world would you want to know. its neighter fault its just done. quit and go on man i hate people to live on false hope for what? iwould no more want to be with someone regardles s of why they changed its done over finished get on.
2007-02-13 01:41:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just accept it and move on. why cause anymore pain for yourself, find someone that will give you what you need. who knows maybe time will tell if you two really belong toghether. just be patient and everything will work out like it suppose to be. good luck.
2007-02-09 05:18:53 · answer #10 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋