they have been married less than a year, and i care for them both.
2007-02-08 20:03:07 · 16 answers · asked by some dude 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For you:
He cant change unless he wants to. You cannot make him.
Let him know:
That it is illegal and he can be charged.
If they have a child, the child can be taken by authorities.
It is complety socialy unacceptable.
Men abuse when they loose control in another aspect of their life. Ask him to get proffessional help.
Let her know:
To have a safety plan in place (shelter, money and ID put away)
That it abuse is not right or her fault and she should report it to police.
Talk to an abuse counselor.
Women stay for a variety of reasons and she may return if she did leave. Dont judge this. It often takes several episodes for a women to realize. She will keep holding on to hope he will change.
Find her a copy of "Love Hurts" by Jill Cory - Anyone who wishes to understand domestic violence, why it happens and everything in between ought ot read that book. Answers every single question....
Abuse is NOT about Anger Management, stress, past or conflict.
Abusive Men have a Belief System that they are Central, Superior and Deserving (rights and expectations).
Its all about control.
Be aware- your actions could possibly endanger her more.
2007-02-08 20:21:39 · answer #1 · answered by Paradox 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has some serious problems that you may not be qualified to deal with. However, as a friend you can't stand idly and watch. You have to bite the bullet although getting involved is a good way of loosing his friendship, ( and her's). Perhaps the best way to go is to give the wife an address for counselling. (Yes, I know it's the husband doing the weird stuff but she, as the victim is feeling the greater pain.) Counselling will assist her in many ways. It will allow for a safe environment where she can feel free to tell her story. It will also present to her options, that she herself must choose, and enable her to make her own decisions. The husband should be informed but must not be allowed to interfere with her decisions. He must agree to counselling too, to address the issues that are cause of his behavior. If all these steps have played out successfully, then either may choose reconcialition, ( perhaps through marriage counselling,) or seperation.
The other alternative is for you to confront the husband. You will almost certainly win his animosity which will further fuel the patterns of violence with his wife. At the end of the day, you are right to do something. I feel the first option is the best option for your friends but either option may leave you the looser but at least you proved yourself a true friend. They are lucky to have you as their friend.
2007-02-09 04:25:37 · answer #2 · answered by John M 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she is a grown woman and she can stop him whenever she gets the courage to do so. You be surprise how a woman stays with her husband even after being beat up.. My advice is stay out of it. He puts you in a certain situation when he beats her up in front of you.. just tell him, hey, don't kick her A-S-S if front of me... do it another day.. that way you hang with him more, thus he does not beat her up, thus your friend his wife will want you there more often.. when you notice he is getting pissed off at her, walk him away, take him to do some other thing.... that way at least you save her 50 percent of the time... now that you did your part, let her do her part and tell her. I have talked with your husband that it i don't like him beating you up when i am around.. but i can't be here all the time.. so you have to decide soon , do you want to move out or stay with him...well thats it thats as close as you should get.. it is there marriage,. you expressed your dislike of him beaten her up, and he will then either stop or if he does not stop , then you tell him, hey i gotta go, you kicked her A-S-S in front of me,, and she could put you in jail and me too, if i am around and don't tell you anything.. we can talk another day... just dont kick her A-S-S when i am around..and then walk away...
2007-02-09 04:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by bankone1111 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have to tell him to stop now!!! He is hurting her bad by doing this. His rage and anger is only going to get worse and he could end up killing her someday. Tell him if he does not stop you will have to turn him into the authorities and you also need to tell his wife to get out and away from him to safey somewhere. Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him from that site and ask him for help in this situation. I am sure he will be able to help in some way if he can, Also get him to go on the Maury show. Maury can also help with this. I sure hope she gets to safety soon and out and away from him and this abuse!
2007-02-09 05:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You've been letting this go on? You might as well hand him a baseball bat.
Call the cops on him, offer her a SAFE place to stay when she leaves him. If he comes after her while in your house, PROTECT YOUR GUEST.
If things continue, someone will be killed, or paralysed for life.
2007-02-09 04:26:52 · answer #5 · answered by Alan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bankone you are absolutely PATHETIC and soooo shallow. I feel sorry for you.
Your friend has serious anger management issues. You cannot do anything about his case but call the police on him. It is out of your power to help him but you CAN help his wife. She needs your help, protect her.
2007-02-09 05:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you care for them both, then let him know that... let him know that you only want to help, show him how to be a real man... let him know that she needs him to defend her, not have her feeling like she has to defend herself around him... be honest, upfront, and let him know that you'll do all that you can to help him stop... even if that means going a few rounds...
if you have any stories or ideas that could help him to see how your life is better for being good to women that might help too...
2007-02-09 04:26:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
point out the effects that beating wife has on kids... and also... tell them real men raise their hands to protect theri women never to hurt them...
2007-02-09 04:06:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick the crap out of him or call the cops. Be a man
2007-02-09 04:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by Winnipeg76 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walk up to him, look him in the eye and tell him that if he ever touches her again you will have him arrested. And DO IT! He could kill her!!! You dont want that on your concience.
2007-02-09 04:18:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋