Ok, How do I learn how to be a good mom??

Question

I posted a question a few days ago asking what to do about this pregnancy...well, I want to update you all and let you know that I had a doctor's appointment and I found out that I'm having TWINS!! I don't think this is a bad thing at all anymore bc I've realized how blessed I truly am to experience such a miracle. I saw my babies on the ultrasound and I was just in aww bc they're just so beautiful. It's still hard to believe that I am going to be a mommy...but the thing is that I know NOTHING about babies or what to do. How do I do this from scratch?? Do I need to go to classes or read books...what do I do?? I want to be the best 20yr old single mom and make my babies proud. I want them to know that they don't need their daddy to be whole bc I'm going to be a better parent then he could ever be. I just don't know how.

Answer 1

Showing you care and love your children is the best way to be a mother :).

Books, classes and searching the net for information helps too, but all the information in the world can't replace loving for your kids - and you've shown that already :), you'll be a fine mommy, don't worry :)

Answer 2

You can read all the books you want but it's not going to do you any good. I have twins. Ari and Cal are 7 mos now and they teach us something new everyday. Your babies more than likely will be born premature. DO NOT ignore any spotting or unusual cramps. If you catch things early enough you'll be able to start them on a medicine given over 3 days to help in early lung development. Next your kids will be in the hospital for a little while. Use this time to get help from the nursing staff with your kids. How to hold, feed and what to look for are some good questions. You'll see your babies hooked up to all sorts of machines (if born premature). Don't freak. There are a lot of things that will happen in there that will scare you and most of it is normal. You will want to take parenting and stress management classes. I don't know where I'd be today if I didn't. If you really want a good book to prepare you then pick up, "Your Baby's First Year" by Steven P. Shelov. It's put out by The American Academy of Pediatrics. If you have any questions about what to expect during your pregnancy or after the kids are born you are more than welcome to ask my wife and I questions. Take care and congratulations.

Answer 3

that is a really good question, i am a 22 yr old mother of a 14month old and i am pregnant as we speak i am thinkin that i am having twins also! being a mother is just like growing up, u live and learn! u make a mistake and learn from it, we all have! ask friends and family members for help b/c that always helped with me! if u go to babycenter.com that is very helpful i used it almost everyday for my first pregnancy, and it was very interesting finding things out that were happening during my pregnancy and they send out a monthly magazine that works too, but i will tell ya this don't get scared if they say things should be happening and there not, b/c every women and pregnancy are different! i wish u the best of luck and i am proud of the courage u have about being a single mom b/c it is hard but also alot of fun and brings total happiness!! wtg

Answer 4

Congratulations!! I hope you have family around to help. Don't be afraid to ask them. Being a mother will come naturally, but since you are having twins, I would suggest you get books on multiple births and raising multiples. You will probably get some good ideas from other moms on how to deal with 2 at once. You should also join a multiples group. Many areas have them and they will help you along with giving you good ideas and advice regarding multiples. Other things you will learn along the way. As long as your babies are dry, fed and loved, you will have no problems. Just remember, a twin pregnancy is higher risk, so do what your doc says and enjoy the pregnancy.

Answer 5

Learning to be a good Mom is something you have to do with experience & by the example of others.
I was 24 when I had my first one.....25 when I had my second child.....I tell you...I was scared to death!...even though I was Married & all that...I had never really been around babies, except for when I was a child myself.
Holding my son for the first time, OMG...there is nothing in this world that would give a feeling like that....feeling so complete...so in love...so in awe that your body created something so tiny & fragile.....
One thing you NEED to know...DON'T make any promises....you can sit there & tell the baby all day long that your going to do this & your going to do that.....but then IF it doesnt happen....you dont let the baby down....you let yourself down...then you start to over compensate for the things you didnt do......I learned that the hard way....
My second child has always been a tough one...she was born early...by emergency csection at almost 8 mo's along....& then had 2 surgeries before she was 8 mo's old....then was diagnosed with cancer when she was 12 mo's old.....this was my challenge....this is where I learned how to be a good mommy....

I have to be protector, provider, friend & enemy to my kids...I do it alone....I have been divorced for 4 yrs now & Daddy isnt around....my kids are 9 & 7 now...which makes it easier...but it is still tough.....

Just go with what you feel is best for your children....provide them with love & understanding....plaenty of kisses & lots of hugs.....remember to ALWAYS tell them that you love them...read to them...plan out family date nights....my kids & I go to the dinner & movie at least once a wk....it keeps things from being so mundane...

I took classes for Parenting & read all the books I could find about child rearing....yeah...they offer good points & some helpful tips.....but...the best teacher is experience...either things you go through...or your Mom...or your Grandma....maybe an Aunt....

Having children are a blessing & gifts from God....I strongly believe he makes us Parents when HE feels we are ready to be Parents...not when we do.

Congratulations on your twins....& Good Luck.....

Answer 6

Well first of all God bless you! 20 years and single mommy of twins, give yourself a pat on the back! It's such a hard job. I'm 20 myself with one daughter, and 9 months prego with out next daughter and I'm married. Single mom's are amazing, I don't know how they do it. Anyways, first, breath.....! Relax.... mothers have natural instincts and we know how to love our babies and what's best for them. Every book pretty much says something different so by all means go ahead and read just take to mind that you are their mom and you are their voice for now. You'll be fine, just love them and give them lots of kisses. I used to be worried about all that stuff, but when I stopped worrying and started being the mom I always wanted I realized that there is no perfect parent (mom or dad), but there is plenty of love, patience and understanding to give. I wish you much confidence (you deserve it!)

Answer 7

Congratulations sweetie! Start building your support community immediately. Ask questions (not necessarily here), read all the books you can, talk to other new moms & ask how they deal. You OB's office may be able to put you in touch with a new mom's playgroup. Go easy on yourself, you will need to look out for yourself when the babies are here which includes taking breaks and eating right. You will be an awesome mom. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

I did not read your earlier post, but I wish you the best, you are really taking on quite a lot on your own.

My stepsister has twins and almost had a nervous breakdown tryiing to do it alone but she is "sensitive". There are MANY e-Ggroup out there as well as physical print mags for parents of twins.

Not to worry too much about daddy not being there, unless they are in daycare...........in which case you might want a "daddy figure", like Grandpa or the next door neighbor if real daddy is not in the picture. ONLY CUZ THEY MAY HEAR ABOUT "DADDY" FROM OTHER KIDS and need a replacement

Answer 9

Instinct. I think you will naturally know, but reading some books and taking some pre-natal and parenting classes couldn't hurt. Also take a few minutes to think how you would define a good mother? What does a good mommy do? Do those things! Think about your mom, grand mom, and mom's you know...what do they do wrong and right in your opinion and take it from there. I'm sure you'll be great!

Answer 10

I admire you. Yes, please go to ante natal classes.
You've got a hard time ahead of you and you will need help and support. It's hard enough being the mother of one with a helpful husband, you've definitely got the harder road.
All children need their daddy and if there is any chance that he would be involved, do encourage it. I was a single mother myself once and it would have been much kinder if my ex-husband had shown an interest in his kids.
Good luck.