Question about unmarried people living together?

Question

Why not get married? I mean, being intimate and monogamous, living together...isn't that the same thing is being married? So if a couple is that close, then why are they so afraid of a little piece of paper?

I just don't understand how someone could love someone enough to live together, but not enough to say "I'll be faithful and never cheat on you for as long as we're together". It just doesn't make sense to me.

Answer 1

that little piece of paper could cost them half of everything they own should they split up. so those that aren't sure of their relationship don't fully commit. me? i prefer marriage. i want half of everything. if we get a divorce i will do like my friend did and marry him again so i can go back for the other half.

Answer 2

A very difficult question, there are many reasons people opt for "living in sin" as it used to be called, if you take into account that there are those who don`t want a permanent relationship, being married makes a relationship a pretty permanent thing, people used to use the excuse that it was the way of the establishment, now those people are the establishment, most people who live together say they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, but, if you look closely, you can see that one or both aren`t emotionally ready to commit to a piece of paper, and being intimate and monogamous isn`t the same as being married, you can have those things and still not be in any way responsible for the other Marriage is give and take, a perfect relationship would be one where what you give, or put into the relationship, you get back in other ways from your partner if you don`t like the way things are going, you and your partner must make compromises to try to fix things, and ignoring most any problem in a marriage can and sometimes will cause bigger problems, you have to be willing to give 100% to the relationship to keep it healthy, living together is as you said, intimacy, and all the benefits of being married, without actually getting married. I didn`t catch your age, but as you mature, you will come to understand the difference between being responsible and being not so responsible, and the difference between a committed relationship and a no fault one.

Answer 3

Ever been married? Ever been divorced? Ever witnessed a divorce? Divorce is not pretty. Many marriages end in divorce.

I noticed your question has been up for a week..I decided to try to give you an answer.

Reservation. Reserving ones' rights. After 4 failed marriages of one partner and 2 failed marriages of the other, a couple I know lived together 8 years before they married. They are very happy.

They fought and threatened to leave and kick each other out numerous times during the 8 years they lived together. After the 7th year they got along for an entire year and became engaged.

In 2004 they made an agreement to get along for another whole year and if they could do that they would marry.

They married in 2006 after never once doing the ring toss back and forth. ( You know the ring toss...here's your ring, get lost.)

Best advice I can give is to let your significant other believe it is his idea to get married....just lead him into to it so gently that he doesn't feel a push, not so much as a nudge.

Drop the subject for awhile and pick up a thin bridal magazine,(NOT THE THICK ONE YOU'LL SCARE HIM OFF!!)
Be easy and light-hearted, you just want to know what the trends are. Do not show him anything in the magazine. Just have it around here and there and let it come up missing every once in awhile.
Never take him into a jewelry store unless he initiates it himself. When he takes you into the jewelry store LET THE SALESPERSON do all the talking at first. The first 15-20 times in the stores do not jump at anything, do not ask for anything, show a genuine interest in his ring and walk out. Walk out alone, wait for him in the same place he brought you in, the salesperson will handle him, (I do not sell jewelry, by the way!), act bored and be happy to get going.

Once the pressure is off he will come around and give you the wedding of your dreams. After all, isn't he worth waiting for?

I know this does not answer the question you wrote but I hope it answers the other questions you may have been wondering about.

Answer 4

I'll return the question to you:

why get married? what would that little piece bring more?
security? no
taxes? it can cost less without a marriage
a contract? only if you see a lawyer

A marriage is in no way an insurance against wrongdoing...
on the other hand, it costs a bundle to get a divorce...

Marriage is an outdated practice, established in a society that had women as second class citizens that needed protection. Now the best protection a woman can get is to get an education, ensure she can work for herself, and then living with a mate she could also have the family part. If there is a will to marry for some family/religious/romantic concepts, why not. Otherwise, why bother??? It isn't a matter of being afraid... it just isn't necessary.

Answer 5

When I was younger, I was dead set against living together before marriage, as those who lived together always had the option of moving out if it didn't work and if/when they got married, they maintained this thought: Marriage isn't working? Just get a divorce.

But now, I think it is a good idea to at least live together for a while, because it allows you to keep learning about the person you love enough to decide to live with; not out of convenience, but b/c you want to share your life with them.

I mean, after a couple years you are seen as a "common-law" couple in the eyes of the law any way.

Answer 6

Because they view that piece of paper the same as a jail cell. Most people have been trained to believe that marriage is a prison instead of a loving/trusting relationship. It's only a prison if one is foolish enough to marry the wrong person and for the wrong reasons.

Betty: About the other thing you said, I know exactly what you mean. Those people can only say "I love you enough to live with you, but not marry you" because they don't really trust the relationship. That means they either don't fully trust the person they're with, or they don't trust themselves enough to know what they want in a relationship, or both. And so therefore, their love is not as grand as they portray it to each other everyimte they say "I Love You"

Answer 7

The people that know who will commit to living together but not getting married are - every single one of them - men who had bad marriages before and are afraid that it will happen again. I think it's just a matter of fear. And I would never in a million years settle for that.

Marriage is a gamble. But at least you have the legal protections of that union. There's no way I would give up my future and freedom and not have the security of that little piece of paper....

Answer 8

because even being married doesn't mean he won't cheat or be unfaithful have you taken a look at all the people who cheat on here and there married unhappily.

So why get married so you have to go through the whole divorce both of you lose alot of money kids by then all hurt and the couple broken up and have to hire lawyers and cost a fortune for what this little piece of paper you call it is a big HEADACHE.

Answer 9

Because it isn't always that simple. Some are just waiting for the perfect time. Most people I know who are getting married have neither the time nor the money to spend on a decent wedding. Instead, they are reciting their vows to a judge or priest just to get that piece of paper. Seems cheap.

Also, when you get married you are saying "I will be faithful and never cheat" for the rest of my life. Marriage should not mean "for as long as we are together."

Answer 10

Living together and married is a 2 different thing if you look real close at it. Yes, living together is almost like married where you can see the good and bad of your partner because it's hard for him to portray himself/herself to be good 24/7. And so, this is the time you see the real picture of him/her before you sign-in for marriage and maybe regret and sign-out for divorce. Many find it hard to accept their spouse character after marriage, even was shock at it. Trust me or not, living together can be very close yet you can chose not to have sex until after marriage. That's the difference. You don't want to married the wrong the person, do you?

Answer 11

Those that do not want to get married are useually not responcible and they don't want to marry someone who will remind them of it every day for the rest of their life. Marriage though is more than just a document saying you can sleep together. One it tells the world you have made a desision to make it with the person you love, good or bad in sickness or in helth till death do you part. If you have someone that does not want to commit be carefull they are most often self centered and selfish, it's not about you it's bout them. Something hot comes along then they want a taste of something fresh, because they think there is something better out there. I respect my woman I maried her because I loved her, because she had enough self respect to stay a virgin into her 40's And because I liek her personality, even though she drives me nuts sometimes, and we look forward each day to seeing what we can do to make each other happy. Life can be hard and it is always good to have someone who is in your corner right or wrong. Someone who will help me to grow to become a better person ad to complete me in eveyway that I am not completed as an individual. And if you believe in the bible it is the right thing to do, I se some of you have hard hearts no Romance and just cold spirits, no depth to bad for you or the mate you will latch onto,