Alright. My brother just admited to me that he was gay. The problem is my mother. My brother doesn't know how to tell her. Hes kinda afraid of her. Scared that she'll kick him out, or she will hate him for it.
We all kind of knew that he was gay. I mean, he owns more clothes then i do. He even admited to me that hes been having sex with someone.
Me and my brother have alway been close. Our mom and each other were the only ones we had growing up, but i guess im closer to her then he is because he really doesn't remember our childhood. (which was really tough.)
I really don't want him to walk around for the rest of his life thinking hes something disgusting and that he can't tell our mother something. She needs to know. I want to give him some advice on how to tell her that hes gay. Hes only 17 years old.
2007-02-08 18:19:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You might want to "feel her out" for him in advance.
Casually mention something about a friend of yours being gay, even if you're making one up. See how she reacts.
See if she's open to discussing her feelings about gays, about how she might feel if one of her children might be gay.
Concider your discussion with her before reporting back to your brother.
You might even check out a PFLAG chapter in your area for help in this.
http://www.pflag.org/
Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians And Gays
2007-02-08 18:24:33 · answer #1 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is actually a gay support group who help out with this sort of thing. They're called PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Contact your public library to find a local chapter in your area.
Your mother probably already has her suspicions. But if she really is in the dark (or in denial) and your brother is afraid she won't take it well, he may want to wait until he's moved out to tell her.
Whatever the case, when your brother finally tells your mom, be there with him and let your mom know that you've known about this for a long time and are perfectly comfortable with who he is.
It might be hard for her at first, but she'll probably eventually come to accept it. Besides, she probably already knows.
2007-02-08 18:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree w/ the ones who suggest that you bring it up w/ her to feel her out on the subject- you could even use this site for an example- just don't tell her it was you who asked and it's your brother that they were asking about! Ya know what I mean? Say mom I was on yahooanswers and I want to get your opinion of one of the questions I saw on there....Someone said they had a gay "friend" who was scared to tell his family and just say if that was us how would you react to it?? Good Luck!
2007-02-08 18:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd advise him to get some advice from either other gay friends or a counselor who has experience on coming out. Often a pastor or school counselor can help better than another family member to keep it objective and less emotional so that no sides are taken.
Don't push him to come out to your Mom before he's ready to.
2007-02-08 18:25:05 · answer #4 · answered by themerchantprincess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could say everything will be fine. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily true. She may freak out. Why is it so important that your mom know? I think him coming out to you was a big step, and waiting a while to take the next big step of telling your mom isn't such a bad idea.
2007-02-08 18:27:09 · answer #5 · answered by Patrick C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She already knows. She may or may not be ready to accept it though. Once she's told she'll have to get over herself, and that may take a little time. Something tells me your mom will still love him, regardless of how hard she takes it (just intuition).
I can see you care about his feelings and you want your family to stay intact. My advice? ...
Tell him there's no pressure to tell her this instant. But when he chooses to tell her, just be straight forward, no sugar-coating. Just be real:
"Mom, I have something to tell you and it's important that I know you will still love and accept me after I tell you (that's when she agrees to do this) ... I am gay."
Tell him you'l be there for him after he tells her. In fact, just in case slamming her out of her denial gets ugly, make plans to speak w him directly afterward, maybe go out somewhere and plan to talk about how it went". As for you, don't try and work out everything for them. Step back and let them gradually work it out for themselves. That way there's less resistance from mom's learning to accept the situation.
2007-02-08 18:59:00 · answer #6 · answered by acrobatic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think your mother would do? Would she really kick him out? Have you ever talked to her about how she feels about gays?
It might help him if you volunteer to be with him when he tells her. I think he would really appreciate the support. But don't push him into it....he needs to do it when he's ready.
2007-02-08 18:24:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sunshine Queen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hmm, well i'm 21 and everyone thinks i'm straight... and i don't feel disgusting, i jus know that i won't hear the end of it if i do tell my family... i see no point anyway, unless they caught me in my room eating a girl out, then i'd say, ok, yeah i'm sorta gay... besides, who doesn't love a good mystery?
2007-02-08 18:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just do it! The right time will come when his confidence is high, for to tell the truth will set you free, it's not to hurt her, she may be wacked out and hurt and blame herself. Make sure and tell her this is your choice, and be happy.
2007-02-08 18:26:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your a great sibling. Thanks! Its nice to know good guys are out there helping us! Keep helping him, its important that a family member do something like that. And especially a sister is great!
2007-02-08 18:35:49 · answer #10 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋