So I have come out to my parent, friends and family except my grandparents on my mothers side. They are both very religious muslims and one of them even thinks homosexuality is caused by a bug that goes into your behind (I know...crazy). I love them both and feel telling them would tear my family apart and cause them a lot of issues. At the same time, I also feel I am keeping something from them. I am young but my family (except those 2) and friends have my back. Please give me some advice folks...(and no, trying to educate them would soooooo not work. When you think homosexuality is caused by a bug that goes up your but I think your beyonf hope...)
2007-02-08 17:33:08 · 7 answers · asked by 12345678910 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm sorry, but there is really no point in telling them. Your not seeking their approval, you don't care if they approve, you know the consequences of your actions, what's the point? NOT ONE of those things has a POSITIVE OUTCOME! NOT ONE! IF you truly do love your family and I so hope you do, then show your appreciation by not exposing your grandparents to hurt and your family to a choice of defending you or agreeing with the grandparents even if they don't mean it. Why cause heartache when you get nothing out of it? Trust me, I AM ALL FOR BEING OUT, but be honest about why you want to tell the grandparents. Perhaps you want to get back at them for something? Maybe even for being old-fashioned!
2007-02-08 17:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it comes down to why is it important for your grandparents to know that you're gay. Is it for their sake or for yours? In all events, it sounds like your coming out is fairly recent. Give yourself some time with this one. If it becomes right to tell them at some point you'll know it by listening to your own heart.
The time may come when it is important that they hear that you are gay from you and not from someone else. The other issue down the road is if you end up living with someone you love and who you want to include in your family. That will be a tough one, but may also offer opportunity, if he or she starts coming around with you to family gatherings. It will give your grandparents a chance to meet another gay person and relate to him as a person before they have to say the word "gay."
I never came out to my Orthodox Jewish grandparents. While in some ways I regret that I couldn't share that part of my life with them, I think it was the right decision for my family. I was basically outed by appearing on TV as a spokesman for a gay organization, so between taping the interview and it's showing I quickly took my folks out to dinner and told them. I figured that a public restaurant would leave less room for hysterics. Five years later I met the man who would be the love of my life and he is very much part of my extended family, just like my cousins' spouses. Unfortunately my grandparents had passed away in the mean time.
Good luck with this one!
2007-02-08 18:02:53 · answer #2 · answered by lagolem 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough spot for you. I feel for you. For me, the way I see it is what they don't need to know, don't tell them. If it conflicts things now then you will have to tell them. Unfortunetly that's life. You can't make everyone happy. You just have to go with the cards your delt in life and make the best out of it. Everything in life is not going to be an easy task, esspecially being gay. But you will make it. It sounds like you are trying to think of them more then yourself too. And I know you don't want to upset them but it sounds as if there is no option really. You tell them, they get upset. You don't, and they don't know. But then again if you don't tell them you run the risk of them finding out later on. So as bad as this sounds, there really is no "GOOD" advice for this matter. Go with your gut feeling and make the best of it. Don't let it eat you up inside. If your family for the most part has your back on this then I say you have alot more then most in this world.
The best of luck to you.
2007-02-08 17:53:17 · answer #3 · answered by pantyhoselover2182 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be yourself - who cares what you do with your sex life. Obviously - they are not going to agree with you just because you tell them about it. There's no need to make a big production out of it. What nonsense - families are stronger than all of this stuff - they just have to learn to agree to disagree and move on. They don't have to be involved in your homosexual relationships anymore than you have to be involved with all of their friends. Of course, it will change things but that's life - if you were heterosexual - you'd be getting married and tearing them apart and causing alot of issues - that's just how families adjust to change regardless of what it is you're bringing up. They will get over it - just approach one of the individuals in your family and let them share the news if they like and then not share it if they don't want to - that way - you let them know at the pace they can handle it rather than making a big production by saying it at a family gathering in front of everybody.
2007-02-08 17:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i might say take the possibility, yet do it whilst sober. I got here out to my maximum suitable chum and we are nevertheless besties- he respects me and he could even enable me hug him, nonetheless he's no longer enormous on being hugged in public usually. :P issues could be stressful on the commencing up yet sharing the certainty with those you believe- those you be attentive to you are able to believe- can deliver you closer. on condition that he has a checklist of tolerance in the direction of different gay human beings it bodes properly for you. You by no potential be attentive to what good issues can take place.whether you come across him appealing is a thoroughly diverse rely altogether yet whilst so I 'd wish he'd take it as a compliment. See in the experience that your interior reach library has a replica of Eric Marcus's "What if somebody i be attentive to is gay?"- that is written in specific for infants,the two those that think of or be attentive to they are gay and people who're immediately yet choose to comprehend what gayness is extra needless to say. I actually have a replica and that i discover that is crammed with great suggestion and functional concepts.
2016-11-02 23:15:08 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask the rest of your family what they think you should do.
2007-02-08 17:50:13 · answer #6 · answered by JUSTIN C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why tell them...just live your life as you want
2007-02-08 19:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋