My husband, together for 16 yrs. & 2 children, wants me hang with his friends all the time.?

Question

He is on a Fire Department and has made a group of friends (couples) alot of whom are younger than us by 10 years. I do like them, but at the same time, they aren't nice to me all the time. They go out to the bar often and he wants to go every time. I am in Nursing classes and have alot of homework but he says he still wants me to be with him and them. I am greatful that he wants me to come with, but I shouldn't have to go everytime they want to go out and he complains that he should still go even though I don't. When I am around them, they tease me and used to take turns pulling my shirt up until I said something. Now, if I say no and yet still want my husband to stay home, he gets mad at me and says he doesn't want to lose his friends. They also get mad at me and have called to yell at me a few times, even saying why don't I let him go out even if I don't? We are starting to see a marriage counselor soon and we fight alot about this. How can I get him to understand me?

Answer 1

Let the counselor work it out...with you all...

I think that you might want to ask him..."what does he gain by being out with them"

Because evidently there is some type of a need that is being validated by hanging out with them....

And just ask him if there is something that he is looking to be a part of that you do not understand...

I think that could help...but I still say that counseling is the best thing to do....Those people seem to be a little bit overboard for an established couple....

Answer 2

It sounds a lot like your husband has hit the 'mid-life crisis' thing a little too soon.
Men that start wanting to go to bars, or meet
with friends all the time, is in a sense trying to re-live his youthful days..I am quite surprised
with his actions considering he's a firefighter.
I always thought these men had more sense than what your husband is showing here..

He should 'not' expect you to go with him every time he goes out with them, and to be quite honest, he shouldn't be going out like that on a regular basis anyway. He's a husband and father for god's sake'! I do feel he's being very unfair and selfish about this situation between you two. But at least he's willing to go to counceling with you, and thats always a plus..
And another thing, I would never want to be around people who shows me 'no' respect by pulling up my shirt'. "How childish is that"!!

Answer 3

i don't see how u can make him understand anything. u re definitely not on his agenda and believe me he knows that u need to do homework and re busy, so he invites u all the time together that u say u can't go and he will have the rights to go alone - well, he invited u , so he has nothing to hide. but i think i would be the same opinion as u re - either both of u go or noone goes. but it seems not achievable. anyway, u re in a very bad situation. maybe councellor will help. i doubt that so. but anyway why don't u let him to go alone with his friends? that is your only option it seems

Answer 4

His friend's sound disrespectful for one thing, that is harsh.
now coming from me I say keep going to the councilor, and if your a Christian or even just believe in prayer, go to church and get prayed for, if not just get your hubby to pray with you believe it or not prayer actually help's and it may soften his heart to you and understand how you feel.
one time I hadn’t seen the Love of my life in a LONG time, I prayed that night, the VERY NEXT day he came to be with his mom for a few day's and I got to see him, his coming to visit his mom was totality out of the blue considering he hated her at the time and said he was NEVER coming to see her again lol.
I Hope it all work's out for you =], cuz it sound's like an annoying problem you need to have solved soon.=]

Answer 5

Say to him just what you said just now. Talk to the counselor about it. Tell him your priority is your nursing classes. Tell him you don't like his friends. You don't have to like his friends. You don't have to be there, for him to go out.

There has to be a compromise, but make sure you voice your concerns.

Answer 6

Tell your husband-

"You can sleep with them,
or you can sleep with me- your choice."

#1 -NO husband should ever allow
ANY of his friends to disrespect
you by even touching you
in the manner you've described-
or by calling your house to yell at you.

Your husband needs to grow up-
and realize that if these men
were really his friends, they
wouldn't disrespect him or the feelings
of friendship they claim to have for
him by disrespecting you.

The larger issue is why does he feel
like he needs to be part of a group
of guys who behave like "locker room jocks"?

If I were you-
I would concentrate on getting myself through
school- because financial independence is
going to be very important in the event your husband decides his relationship with
these so-called "friends" of his,
are more important than his marriage
vows to "love, honor, and cherish."

Good Luck~*

Answer 7

Your husband is too unreasonable. He should not socialise with his friends too much and be at home and be a good husband and father. Right now he is living a life of a bachelor.

Answer 8

Why don't you understand why he wants to spend time with these people? Firefighters need deep friendships. They depend on each other for their lives. It's very stressful. The closer in friendship they are, the better they work together. No, you don't have to go everytime he wants to go, but he should go. You are not his mommy, you are his wife. He is a man and can do whatever he wants.

Answer 9

number1. if he loved you he wouldnt be letting his friends disrespect you like that.
tell him how you feel thats all you can do to make him understand tell him the truth. there is no secret code. let him know the truth and that you feel disrespected by his friends

Answer 10

your husband showed no respect for you. he doesn't love you