How long does it take to heal from a divorce?

Question

I have been divorced for a year now and i am still hurt about it and always seem to think back on what we had and i start to really miss him. Our marriage ended very badly for many reasons and when i left i still loved him very much and i can't seem to let him go and i really want to so i can move on with my life. I just want to know how long it took others to really move on because i dont want to spend the rest of my life hurtting over my ex husband.

Answer 1

I dont think we truely ever heal from this but we can move on and make the best of things.

Answer 2

It took me about a year and a half. Now, bear in mind that my ex wife was brutally mean to me and to my daughter. By the time we divorced, the love had been gone for a long time, but it still hurt to finally realize that the dream was gone.

Are you in counseling? It can help. I guess the thing I would tell you is to take the time to go through the pain. Don't think that you can get into another relationship as a way to get past the end of this one. You need to to heal first.

Do you believe in God? Prayer helps a lot. I prayed often (and still do) and I went through counseling after it all ended. It takes time, so give yourself time. Remember that you will have up days and you will have down days. Over time, you will realize the things that trigger the down days, so you'll be more ready for them when they approach.

My marriage ended 4 years ago. I'm remarried now and have a son on the way. Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know that, even though I know you are in pain, I also want you to know that there is life after divorce. Hang in there. It does get better.

Answer 3

Every couple is different; every divorce is different; each recovery varies. If there's a lot of anger it takes longer to work through that. If only one partner wanted the divorce, it's harder for the other one to recover and move on. It took me a full six months to stop crying myself to sleep every night. Even though there was much anger and bitterness and I felt used and discarded (which I was) I still cried for WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN and WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN and for the loss of what I thought I had for 13 years. That was 30 plus years ago. I remarried, had another child, made a good life for myself and there are times when the sadness of it all still overwhelms me. But here's the trick: Even when you think you can't....GO ON LIVING. Even when you don't feel like it...GO ON LIVING. Even when you don't want to....BUILD NEW DREAMS. It does get easier but it always seems so unfair that it takes two people to make a marriage and only one to end it. Blessings to you.

Answer 4

Well it has been 3 years for me--the first year is the hardest--holidays, birthdays, every day is like--we used to do this on Sunday's--what if he was here for when the dryer broke--it takes a long time--I still go through it. It does get easier though--my mom (whom was div from my dad) said eventually you forget who the person is--like an ex boyfriend--shadow from the past--I think I am getting to the point where I am forgetting the day-to-day things.

The first year I would call him by habit and set his place for dinner and wait for him to come home. The second and third year I came to grips--he wasn't--I am on my own. But still looked for his truck to pull in the driveway--at little league games still looked at him as my hubby.

Now starting my 4th year I am okay with it--finally realize I am by myself. I just talked with 2 women today--that's why funny to see your question and they both have been div 5 years and it took them both 5 years to be okay--so they say. I don't think anyone gets over it--just move on and meet someone better to take his place in your mind.

Answer 5

I found that a little bit of counseling here and there helped me over the tough spots. Sometimes it helps to get that perspective. If you are still missing him even after you left him, maybe you need to find new things to try, so that eventually you remember the new things you did and are glad you had the chance to do them. Each person has their own issues and nobody can say how long it takes. Look for a women's resource center if you need help moving on.

Answer 6

Best thing is to get right back on the horse.. if you fall off . .quit all the drama and pull yourself up by the bootstrings and go for it.. dont get into a serious relationship but pamper yourself do things for you that you would have normally done get out and travel dont sit around crying over spilled milk .get out have a ball dont look back look forward ..dear there are about a gazillion guys ready to fall all over themselves for you and all for the taking .this is a big world let go enjoy and forget him.. its the past ,have a great future and look think twice before you do it again .. really make sure ok? Good luck you can do it im sure you can .its all good and you will look back one day and think so what..

Answer 7

been 6 yrs for me and I still hurt over it and it was my choice to divorce. I get by, by stuffing my feelings and moving on all the while thinking of him. he is now remarried and got 2 kids. nothing I want in my life, but yes I still do miss him. might be a life time who knows.

Answer 8

u may need some kind of therapy to move past it, especially if it were a nasty breakup. but in order to feel better u have to move past this, to let go we just have to realize that he isn't coming back, he isn't sorry for what he did to u, he did not love u as u did him, you are remembering just the good parts and not seeing the bad that happened. took me about 3 years to get over it, but some days i still think back on it, not with love but anger. use to feel hurt and use to blame myself, but not anymore, u have low self Worth, and aren't seeing the cruel deceitful way he chose to end it. look at who he really is, rather than who u thought he was, or wanted him to be. who was he really? what did he do to u? what does this tell u about his character? u have to begin a new life with different things in it, and avoid all of the things and people reminding u of him. and don't let what he did to u define who u really are. wasn't your fault it was his. as all marriages have problems in them, he was just too immature to stay and fight it out fairly, instead he chose to run away from it. most emotional problems are caused by us not facing or seeing the truth.

Answer 9

I have been divorced for 3yrs and am lonely alot,and sometimes i think i would like to have stayed.But it is because i think of the person she used to be,or had hoped she would become.Then i remember,she is not the person i met and fell in love with,and hasn't been for a long time,and was never going to be the person i thought she could be.There was a reason for wanting to be divorced,and i have to remind myself of that.If i had it again to do over,i wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 10

I was with me ex for 8 years never married, it's been three years and I miss her still to this day, but I can tell you this it going to take time to heal but it gets better everyday.

Just remember to take baby step and you heart will being to heal only in time. I wish you all the luck.

Keep smiling and god bless

Answer 11

God is there no hope for us? I am experiencing the same thing, and it is NOT getting better over time. I mean the marriage was exploitive and not at all good in any way for me at the end, yet I still love him and miss him and wish he loved me as well. I am thinking about getting hypnotized. For real.