Husband has no respect , what should i do?

Question

we've ben married14 years,he can be a sweet as a peach. every no and then he gets down right mean and doesnt care about my feelings at all. some things should never be said to one another,i'm always the one to say im sorry ,he never does.he would rather act like it never happend. what should i do. I can't stand the i love you hate you . he acts like im a yoyo

Answer 1

Wait until the two of you aren't fighting. Then explain in a calm moment that his behavior really hurts you. Be specific. Rather than say "you were a jerk last night and I'm really mad", say "Last night when you said ....... it really hurt my feelings." The more specific you are the more he'll know what not to do next time. I know it seems like he should get it without your having to tell him, but you still need to tell him.

Answer 2

communication is the key here. you need to really have a heart to heart talk with your husband, and let him know how you feel. But you need to do this when you both are in the right state of mind, and not when he's in one of his 'moods'. Maybe get together and plan a dinner, and spend some time together, and then bring it out, by telling him that you love him, but the way he treats you, or just his behaviour, in general, is having a tremendous effect on your life, and your relationship with him.
Put it back in his court. Don't take on his garbage, and make it your own. You need to stand up for what you know is the right thing to do and stand your ground. No, you're not crazy, but he may make you feel like it's your fault, when he's contributed to the amount of confusion and pain, than he's willing to admit to.
Don't sit back and take it, though. Give it back to him. Give him something to think about!!

Answer 3

This is very sad that he treats you like this. Be calm and talk with him and tell him how you feel and why about things and the way that he treats you at times. If you cannot talk to him then write him a letter. Seek counseling and help and ask your husband to please go to marriage counseling with you. You are not a yo you and this is verbal and emotional abuse and just not right. If he refuses to get help then i suggest you leave him at least for the time being so that you can get the help you need. It sounds like he is in denial at times. Has he ever hit you? I hope things get better for you soon and here comes lots of hugs for you today. I am here if you need to talk as well.

Answer 4

Wow. I have been going through the same thing, a little different siuation, but a severe lack of respect and no where to vent and no where to turn. It's like a trap. I think we have gotten too comfortable with being doormats. Stand up and be heard. The "it never happened" bs is the worst, I know. It's time we stand up, find the women we used to be and voice ourselves.

Answer 5

I say buy a tape recorder. Next time he says I love you play him a tape of himself being a jerk. Ask him then how he can love someone and say these things. A relationship can't work without respect. Sooner or later something has to give. When he's being disrespectful let him know that he is your husband and the vows he took said to love honor and cherish. Tell him you will not listen to him until he can have a conversation with you without putting you down.

Answer 6

Nenet, youve been with this man for quite some time so i dont suggest leaving him at this point in time. however, your husband has some other underlying issue that he has never been able to deal with and he uses you as an outlet (and because you allow it) but i say this because i was the same way towards my boyfriend because of some other issues i had throughout my lifetime with men in general so when he put me in the situation i was all too familiar with i would explode saying things to hurt him knowing i never meant it. i just didnt know how to express my anger. eventually he let me know he was tired of it and i thought i was gonna lose him so we talked things out together and figured out ways to better handle situations. things really got better. so try to talk to your husband and figure out what the real problem is and go from there. if you two are open to counseling go for it. itll give you a chance to open up. i hope things get better in whatever way you handle this.

Answer 7

Suggest counseling. Sounds funny, but if you can get him to realize what hes doing and how it makes you feel then he might be more attentive to your feelings.
If he wont go, try it on your own. Sometimes talking things out with a therapist will give you ideas on how to deal with it and or direct his actions in the way you would like.
If none of these work, divorce is an option.

Answer 8

You need to choose a time, preferably not in the midst of an argument and when you're both completely calm, to rationally discuss this with him. Explain it to him in the same manner you did to us here. Don't be insulting, but be direct. If he truly cares about your feelings then he will listen to you and make an effort to change. He might not be able to do this on his own however. You might need to look into marriage counseling for the two of you, and possibly anger management for your husband. Good luck.

Answer 9

Youve been married long enough to know that some men would rather just act like nothings wrong and move on rather then admitting it. I think its just a man thing.I have been married 29 years and have been thru what you have. Stop being the one to say your sorry and maybe it will dawn on him that something has changed.remember they are just little boys in big bodies.

Answer 10

Get the book by Patricia Evans called The Verbally Abusive Relationship
Read it, highlight anything that sounds or feels familiar and then take it with you to see a counselor. This is a serious sign of borderline abuse than should NOT be ignored