Last kid just went away to college. I'm grateful he likes me so much, but I was hoping for some independence now that the kids are gone. He doesn't seem to have any friends other than me. I wnat to be his number one friend, but not his ONLY friend, Its too much pressure. How can I meet my needs without hurting his feelings?
2007-02-08 15:24:44 · 17 answers · asked by preciselyright 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the answers so far. Let me make it clear that I don't want to get a divorce or for either of us to have an affair. I know how lucky I am. And yes, I'm afraid that if I don't handle this properly it really could cause serious probs for our relationship. Actually, hearing that other people have gone through this, too helps. I guess transitions in relationships are always difficult.
2007-02-10 02:50:45 · update #1
I left the church shortly before I turned 19. As soon as I turned 18, the pushing started. I had an interview with my Bishop about marriage, and how it was important that I started looking. They transfered me to the singles ward right away. I was constantly being set up, even so far as people making bets on how long it would take me to get married (I guess you could say I;m fairly attractive). If my parents had missionaries over for dinner, jokes were cracked about them coming back to marry me. My Dad had even talked to me about being married before I turned 19. I hadn't even MET anyone yet! Not long after, I QUIT!! The pushing was the main factor at first. But, followed by a lot more and making me very firm in my decision. My family in fact did the same about a year later. Now, I have been dating my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, we live together, and are in the process of buying a house. My parents are now the last ones to push us towards marraige.
2016-05-23 23:45:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very simply, just go about your own business and seek out your own interests. You don't have to include him in everything. Take a ballet class. Learn to throw pottery. Join the Red Hat Society (great fun!). Start a ladies book club. Do a weekly girls night out. Do anything that strikes your fancy! If you have friends and fun of your own, you will find that you appreciate your time with your husband more and if you are out and about, he may be encouraged to find some more interests of his own.
I find that this works very well and can actually promote "mini dates". After my ballet class, I might offer to meet my husband for cappuccinos at the local coffee shop. If I'm taking a college course, that's a great night for Chinese takeout and a movie night at home after studying.
I've also found that he's more interested in pursuing some of my interests too. We've taken ballroom dancing and now go dancing occasionally. We've also taken a couples massage class. Fun!
2007-02-08 15:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should find cool activities to do around the house instead of goin out all the time. maybe set up movie nights or game nights for eachother. have a designated block of time for each other. you can even just danc in the living room for an houre and wel u guys are old timers have some memories. talk about when you first met or fun memories. good luck
2007-02-08 15:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by mastermask888 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a "honey-do" list of all the little nagging things he needs to fix around the house. Buy him or let him use the computer. Get him a library card and tell him to go hang out and get in a book club. Buy him some golf clubs. Drop some subtle hints that you need to be able to breathe.
2007-02-08 15:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's because he is insecure without you, I did this my wife, we were married almost 19 years, she had an affair and left me, I was crushed, but I have learned not to rely on humans, I gave my heart to the Lord, He is number one in my life, it's been almost 3 years now since she left me, today my ex and I are good friends, you need to tell him nicely that he is smothering you, he needs to know how you feel, remember he does love you.....God bless you
2007-02-08 15:37:15 · answer #5 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With this attitude you are heading for an affair on his part. If he can't rely on you to be his constant companion, then he will seek out someone else. Then you can have all your independence you want. It will be too late if you lose him to another woman. Wake up!!!!! You are a good example of someone who doesn't know how lucky they are.
2007-02-08 18:19:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
geee, independance in a marriage
sounds like the drums of divorce on the horizon of this happy trail
go for your independance, eventually you will be alone and all you will have is some friends that come and go and nothing to hold you in the night except a pillow
you have a good man that is still interested in you after 25 years and you feel smothered and want to throw that away?
2007-02-08 15:43:38 · answer #7 · answered by zether 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I know exactly how you feel, and I agree with you.
My husband has a hobby so this gives me a break.
I have friends who had the same problem when the husbands retire.
You will have to be careful but maybe a hobby would help him
2007-02-08 15:30:23 · answer #8 · answered by older mum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl you are lucking to have someone that wants to hang out with you. I can understand the space thing . I scrapbook and hubby plays golf but we fish and do other things together. Enjoy him while you can. There are plaenty of widow women that would love to have there mates back bugging them again.
2007-02-08 16:48:53 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat19582002 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Feel happy that he wants to be with you!!! There are so many women that would love to be in your situation....true friends are hard to find....maybe he sees that....he sees a friend in you....be grateful...very grateful
2007-02-08 15:32:40 · answer #10 · answered by dont worry 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋