I don't get it! My husband was all over me and I just wasn't in the mood so I ask him to kindly "back off" and you would have thought I handed him his divorce papers. He threw a huge temper tantrum and went straight to bed without saying another word. He made me feel like I'm supposed to give it up whenever he wants just because I'm his wife!? What the hell?
2007-02-08 15:23:27 · 21 answers · asked by Winnie08_98 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
rejection hurts
it all depends on how you told him to back off, depends on your demeanor at the time, but if you were calous and cold about it then its like a flat slap in the face rejection from the one person that is supposed to love you no matter what
it kind of stings and hurts and feels real bad, its not the sort of thing that you want to experience
do you ever remember ever being rejected by anyone, your hubby or a boyfriend or a crush or anything?
if you have that experience then you know what i am talking about, and being married that rejection is magnified causing more hurt
you don't have to always give it up whenever he wants it, but you should also not be cold and calous with a heart that has been handed to you
2007-02-08 15:47:49 · answer #1 · answered by zether 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like you haven't been married long. Marriage is all about consideration of the other person. And each have to consider the other before themselves. If you follow this, chances are your marriage will last a long time.]
There is really nothing wrong with communicating you aren't in the mood...but there can be a wrong way to do it. Saying kindly to "back off" may not have been it. And maybe you didn't think first of where he was at, versus where you were.
The truth is it isn't too hard for most women to be available...even if they aren't in the mood....perhaps he needed you to be there for him.....so were you thinking of him, or yourself? You see what I mean?
But you can say in a nice way that you need some time right now....maybe later?....etc.
And I've been married for almost 50 years...so I am speaking from some experience on the subject.
2007-02-09 00:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by samantha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many times in a row have you reject him? If it's been 4 or more time in a row yes I would get mad too, but not for the reason you think. If your spouses is rejecting you time after time then you start think dose this person still love me or is this person see someone else. Talk to him and let if know in a kind voice your tried and you'll make it up to him later the next day or in the week just don't say get off me communication is key, talk to him before his mind gets running with all kinds of things.
From time to time you just have to take one for the team no matter what kind of mood you’re in.
Good luck
2007-02-08 23:34:52 · answer #3 · answered by choiceav 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! So how many times have you rejected your husbands needs? That is totally wrong. Even though you are not in the mood, (which many women use that line all the time with their spouse), get in the mood! You wouldn't want him to get it somewhere else would you? Because right now you are being selfish with not wanting to meet his needs.
I would consider on you reading these two books, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".
Just think about it, he works every day, supports you and the kids, does things for you etc....he deserves to feel loved and you are not showing him by affection. Instead you are pushing him away from something that he needs. Yes, you are suppose to be his wife and a wife is suppose to meet his needs. Sex is one of them!
2007-02-08 23:35:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are both kinda in the wrong here... Your bodies belong to each other now and you should give him sex at times but at the same time he does not have the right just to take it whenever he wants it and treat you like you have no choice in the matter. Does he romance you and give you the attention that you need at all times? He needs to grow up and realize that sometimes you are just not in hte mood and he should respect and love you for it.
2007-02-08 23:34:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? Of course you do not eed to be ready and wiling EVERY time a guy wants on... especially if he isnt treating you rightbefore that. BUT, men need to have sex more than women, men conect through sex, this man wants to have sex with you... so you should do if as often as you can, this is theBEST way of keeping a man happy (that and not being a nagging ***** and being happy most of the time). Sex is also DIRECTLY connected to a mans self esteem... so saying no to him was like him telling you that you look fat! OUCH! If you do not want to have sex, let him down GENTLY, then make it up to him later. This advice will save your marriage.
2007-02-08 23:29:18 · answer #6 · answered by drjen 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
drjen is correct, it is totally different deal for men and it does hit them hard when we say no.
You have heard that men are from mars and women are from Venus and thats why there are so many misunderstanding? well thats not correct of coarse but the idea is correct, we are poles apart in our thinking and reasoning.
He probably thinks if you don't want sex you are rejecting him, not just the sex. whereas for us usually sex is not such a big deal, well not like it is for them.
Maybe you need to find a gentler way to say no.
2007-02-08 23:39:19 · answer #7 · answered by older mum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rejection always hurts ... you're the only person he's supposed to be intimate with for the rest of his life so would it have really killed you to take 2 minutes out of your day? This is how some men connect and feel intimate with their woman.
2007-02-09 00:28:43 · answer #8 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm, yeah you are. You are OBLIGATED to have sex with your husband, (unless for medical reasons you can't, a headache doesn't count) you should rarely ever tell him to "back off" even if you aren't in the mood, i can almost promise that once he starts playing with you, you will perk up.
Its like you going to kiss him and he says "back off" same thing, differnt body part..
2007-02-09 00:10:53 · answer #9 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you don't have to--but why not? He wants YOU--a lot of men are looking elsewhere. Maybe you haven't had sex in awhile--once you have it you will want it too--it is not giving anything up--it is making sure your partner in life is satisfied--if you love him just have sex and get into it--you are not just his "wife" but a great woman whom is a sexual being--woman seem to forget that sex is natural--not a thing of control--enjoy it--get toys if need be--I wish I had your prob.
2007-02-09 00:05:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋