why is my mom aways in my business?

Question

me and my mom always been close but i have been living on my own since i was 18 and i am about to be 23 and she still trys to run my life . i tried evey possible way (without being disrespectful) to tell her to mind her business and she dosn't seem to get the hint .

Answer 1

She has problems letting go.
You need to sit down and tell her how you feel about what she is doing.
Good Luck

Answer 2

Welcome to the world of being an adult! As a mom, I know what she is dealing with: you're an adult, you are no longer her child, she is scared for you (and wants the best for you), and she doesn't know how to be an parent to an adult. How do I know, you ask? My mother is the same way! I am 42 years old, and she still has commentary. However, I just listen and know that she means well; I take some advice, discard others, and move on. Let her know that you are an adult, but that you appreciate all the time and effort that went into raising you. The best comeback? "Mom, as an adult, I have become smarter, savvier, and more confident. I know right from wrong, and the choices I make reflect a great parent who did a heck of a job. I know you sometimes worry...and if I need your advice, I WILL come to you, adult to adult. What I'm trying to say, Mom...I love you and you did good with me." After she stops crying (because most of us do), she will probably back off a little. If not, don't go by so often! Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Some people are just bossy. Besides it is easier to run someone else life than run your own. No need to tell her to stop since she won't listen. There is no way that she can actually run your life, just listen and do what you want, when she questions you about not following her advice, just ignore her or tell her you decided to do it the way you did then end the conversation there with no further discussion.
If you felt it was necessary to move out on your own at 18 you must have been running away from a bad situation or you wanted to just do things your way (not necessarily a good thing).

Answer 4

That is a mother-she is looking out for your best interest and sometimes they don't know how to let go-talk to your mother and tell how you feel and explain to her that you need you space -then give her the time to let it all soak in and when she start to run your life just say mom remember our conversation and she will start to get the picture-it may take a while because you will always be her child and she will always think that she knows whats is best for you-that is a mother you are her baby no matter how grown up you are-never be disrespectful to your mother but there is a way to tell her what you need to say without hurting her feeling-your mother will be there for you when no one else is there and that is because she loves you unconditionally-sit down just the two of you and talk and talk and talk until she understand what it is that you wants from her

Answer 5

hi,
it's nice to read about someone who still respects there mom. unfortunate for you that you are fighting a no win battle. but try to understand that your mom has not only lost her daughter but she has also lost her best friend, no matter how old you get you will always need your mom. you will understand this when you become a mom and your daughter becomes of age and decides to leave the nest. she just wants to make sure that you are going to be alright and that you have everything that you may need and want to keep yourself safe and protected. really its a mom thing that you will have to come of age with, i am 46 and my mom still tries to tell me what to do , i just lesson and let her do her job and when she has finished i go back to my house or where ever i may be at that time and so what i had originally plane or make my own decision on the matter. try that , that way she thinks that she is helping you and you don't have to hurt her feelings.

Answer 6

My husband travels all the time too and we don't have any family close to us. Usually he's gone 3-4 days per week. I don't like it, but it affords me the ability to stay home and raise our kids. We have a 2 yr old & one on the way. I stick to the same routine when he's gone. We keep pretty busy during the day...going to the gym, playing outside, going to playgroups, running errands. There are only a few things I do differently...I don't clean the house and I let my son sleep with me sometimes. I'm sure it will get tougher when we have a new baby. It must be tough on you with 3 kids to deal with. Good luck!

Answer 7

She's co-dependent. She doesn't understand that our job as parents is to raise a child to adulthood and then become friends, not stay in the parent child role. Having said that, I am a mother and I'm sure it's hard to break the habit of parenting that you've been doing for 18 years, once they hit adulthood, or 23 years if you're paying for their college, in which case you would still be in the parenting role.

Buy the book "Boundaries" and learn to set them so that she can move on and so that you don't become so used to her controlling you that you end up being co-dependent with her too.

Answer 8

Mom's view us as their investments. Many of them put their lives on hold to have us and spend those 18 years dedicated to raising us- It's expected that your mom would stay interested in how you are running your life- not so she can control it, but so she feels she's still an important part of it. It helps if you can make connections between being "adults" together. Try asking for her advice and discussing your life choices with her, instead of being defensive. If you are open with her, she may have more trust that you are making the right choices. Our relationships with our mothers are one of the most challenging yet rewarding relationships we have in our lives- cherish it!

Answer 9

Because some moms are just like that. She needs to understand that you are an adult now and that she needs to let you make your own choices in life and let you live your life. She reminds me of Marie on Everybody loves Raymond... She never let those boys grow up and she tells everyone what to do and how to live their life. I wish you the best and i hate to say it but someday you may just have to tell her Mom I am and adult now and please let me make my own decisions in life and i am a big girl now and i can make my own decisions in life. Also dont tell her what is going on in your life so much anymore. Kinda keep most things to yourself this way she wont know what is going on and she wont be able to have to try to tell you what to do about it anymore if she does not know what is going on all the time.

Answer 10

I guess she thinks that she needs to still protect you from the world, but she hasn't let you go yet.

You need to just tell her once again and keep reminding her that you are on your own now and let her know that you are still her daughter, tell her that you love her still and not to worry about you so much. There is nothing wrong with her calling you once in a while either.

If she or your dad is paying for your college, then maybe that is why she is so concerned for you too. Just keep letting her know you are ok and you love her and remember she is still your mother!

Answer 11

I'm 23 as well and my mom is exactly the same way. She just loves you alot and cherishes you. She still thinks that you are that little girl that she raised.