How do I correct a 10-month-old?

Question

The question seems ridiculous, since he is so young, but unless it is my imagination, he actually shows MORE interest in "forbidden" items such as cords, computers, the (old and delicate) diaper genie, etc., than either his own toys or more innocuous household items. My theory is that this is because he enjoys the attention he receives and/or the (perhaps) amusingly unhappy expression on my face when he goes after these items. I'm torn between wanting to correct him with an emphatic "No!" (so that he will learn what is allowed and what is not) and knowing that this probably just makes him covet the items more. I'm actually starting to feel a little hurt that this chiild, who is treated so well and given plenty of his own things, may actually enjoy seeing me unhappy, but the point is, what can I do? (I don't want to keep him in a playpen all day; we actually gave the one we had away because he never seemed to enjoy it.)

Answer 1

Hi Midori, this is a long one….

I know, sorry, we know how you feel. We have a three year old who is the love and joy of our life and will bend over backwards and run to the ends of the earth for, as I imagine most parents do for their children.

Our son would test us as well at that age. It was only due to him being born prematurely that we even were able to tap into our resources through the health system.

We had to learn about behavior and development in children. I really didn’t understand that there was so much TOO understand about child development.

Anyway I am babbling. This is what you need to do. It sound crazy but YES it does work.

When your baby is just hanging out and you are walking by, pay attention to what they are doing. If it is the correct behavior Praise him for it. Such as if he is playing well with his own toys say “Wow that’s great (Name), Mommy loves that you are playing so (Well, quiet, nicely)” This positive affirmation replaces the old "corrective" type of parenting that uses the word “no” or the infamous “look”.

This type of parenting is called redirection. I didn’t understand it at first until his occupational therapist explained it to me. Since then we have never looked back and he has grown to be a well mannered nice young man. He uses his manors, he asks before he takes and so on.

We keep praising the good and it far out ways the bad. When the bad happens we simply ask if that is what he should be doing and he stops and he says NO. This teaches him how to make the correct decisions on his own as well

Good luck and I have included a web address for more information.

Answer 2

babies are looking for boundaries. He is actually learning from you what is acceptable, what your boundaries are, what consequences there are, and what he can get away with. As much as it appears that he is pushing your buttons, he is also learning how the world works, such as the forbidden items, and what your rules are and how you will enforce them. When he goes to something "forbidden" don't say no, but explain why its dangerous. Believe it or not, they really do understand quite a bit. Repetition is how they learn. It may take you saying the same thing over and over again until he may even repeat it when he sees the item. When he goes to an item and is focused on it and you have aready explained not to touch, try to find something very fun to do to distract him. Step back for a second and then think of a silly song that he loves and gently guide him in a different direction toward more appropriate toys.
Pick a few items that you can teach this with, for example, find an item that isn't forbidden like a safe kitchen utensil or something and that way if it breaks its not a big deal.

Answer 3

I think a lot of other people already had good answers for this -- make sure you are spending enough positive time with your child, use an emphatic "NO", don't take it personally, your baby is normal and curious, etc etc etc...

But the one thing I haven't read anyone say yet is to try to MINIMIZE the number of times you have to say "no" every day. Make sure you childproof as much as possible and remove as many "forbiddens" as you can. Hide the cords under rugs and behind furniture, put something in front of your computer to block it from sight at the very least or put it on top of your desk, put the diaper genie in a corner and barricade it with storage totes or whatever you have to do. "No" loses its bite after the first 60 or so times your son hears it in a day! You will find that when you DO have to say "no" it will have more meaning and be more powerful. It will also make your life a LOT easier.

Answer 4

You need to apply tough love, and he has to be taught that he cannot touch certain things for his own safety. Carry on with the very emphatic "NO", remove the objects from his grasp and put them out of reach. He is too young as yet to understand why he should not touch certain things, but old enough to understand "NO". Try to deflect his interest towards other things to keep him occupied, and praise him for doing something else with a comment like "Good job" or "Clever boy".
At his age a child is not advanced enough to have motives such as to want to make you unhappy, and it is more a question of exploring boundaries than coveting forbidden items. Provided you are not excessive in the things you are forbidding him access to (playing with saucepan lids will not do him any harm even if it untidies your kitchen for instance) there is every reason to train him at this age or he will not acquire the ability to distinguish between right and wrong when he is older. When he is a little older you can then reinforce a restriction with a comment like " It is dangerous/ dirty. It is not yours etc..."

You should not take his trespasses personally but keep a straight face when you are telling him off. Presumably you have taken safety measures so that he does not harm himself, such as putting dangerous or fragile things in a safe or locked place since you do not keep him in a pen or circumscribed area. All children are attention seeking. It is their way to ensure they are valued and a manifestation of insecurity in this big wide world rather than of conceit. Your child is perfectly normal, and I would stop worrying unduly about mischief or deliberate provocation. Just carry on being firm with the "NO", In the end he will get the message. Give plenty of cuddles and praise when he quits doing something or does as he is told when you say"Put it back!" or "leave it!" so that he does not feel he is always doing something wrong.

Answer 5

Distract him with something else he's allowed to have, when he begins to go after things he shouldn't. Physically pick him up and remove him from the situation.

The baby doesn't know or understand what your feelings are at this point, and has no intentions or interest in making you unhappy. They just don't have that capacity to think that way yet. At 10 months old, babies can only think and feel their own needs and desires. He also doesn't understand that his things and your things are separate. To him the whole world is his to explore and learn.

Answer 6

i think it is just curiosity at this age, my 10 month old daughter is the same! she always seems to go for the vcr, electrical cords etc. i say no and she kind of understands at that moment and most of the time will stop (eventually after a few nos), the best way i have found is to somehow block those things from her, rather than put her in a playpen etc which just frustrates her. don't take it personally, i really don't think he is developed enough at 10 months to go thru the thought process of wanting to make you unhappy etc. and he prob won't realise he is well treated etc till he is 25!!!

Answer 7

My baby is 10 months old, too, and can get into some forbidden territory as well.
They're just curious little explorers at this stage. They're interested in anything and EVERYthing. If it's forbidden, they try to get their hands on it whenever they can because they're just that curious.

It's in no way a reflection on you or your response, except maybe from a cause-and-effect standpoint: "Hmmm... if I grab this, Mommy says 'no!' and gets a weird look on her face. What happens if I grab it with my OTHER hand? Now, what happens if I do it again?"

The best way to correct a baby that age right is to say "no," then redirect their attention elsewhere. (Sometimes you have to do this multiple times in a short timeframe!) Eventually, he'll get the idea.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I learned that using an emphatic "NO!" in the beginning helped a lot. It was enough to startle my son and really get his attention.

If you think its about the negative attention, tell him to stop playing with his toys. I think you'll find it won't work to get him more interested in then. 10 month olds are all about exploring the world around them and the cords and other forbiddens are new.

Answer 9

Make sure he is getting enough engaged time with you and that you aren't trying to use all his "great" stuff to keep him occupied too much of the time. It sounds like he may just really know what to do to get more "Mom" time and that is all he wants - not for you to be unhappy.

It also sounds like he is a curious child and that means he will likely be intelligent. It is also age appropriate what he is doing...at that age my son always went right for Grandma's silk flower centerpiece in the glass bowl with marbles...he is 16 months now and the bowl is safe and doesn't have to be removed when he is visiting.

Answer 10

keep dangerous or forbidden things out of his reach. Redirect him and show him something else when he touches something he's not supposed to. Try to reserve the "no" word for dangerous things.
My son also seems to want to play with my things way more than his enormous amount of toys. What can you do? nothing , really, they're babies.