Am I a bad friend?

Question

For english, my class was split into groups. Toight my group met in the library and finished our assignment. We strayed from the assignment and started talking about other things and they started talking about people they didn't like.. A girl in my group said, " you think that's bad, I have to work with..." she was talking about partner assignment. It's just that that person is my best friend.
Should I have said something?

It made it worse when another girl in the group said loudly in front of me, "don't say that, she diane's (me) friend."

I feel like I have been a bad friend, I didn't say anything to defend her. But I wasn't sure if I should have. I mean isn't everyone entitled to their own opinion. Everybody hates other people. I know that she still shouldn't have said it in front of me.But she didn't realize it. My friend isn't exactly the most popular person in the school and I have to admit that I didn't like her at first. It was only when I hung out with her a

lot did I realize that she is a good friend and person. It's just that she is really honest, so she comes out as "bitchy."

Should I have said something in her defense? I feel really guilty.

i placed it in this category by accident.

Answer 1

If you're loyal and truthful then you are not a bad friend. Someone stood up for your friend before you had the chance to. If you didn't say anything bad about your friend then don't beat yourself up over it and think about how you would have handled it if it hadn't taken you by surprise. It really depends on the situation, but there is such a thing as overkill.

You are right. Everybody is entitled to their opinion. When something like that is said about a friend of mine in my presence, I look for a non-confrontational way to let it be known that I like that person, or to point out a good quality that they have. That is usually enough to get the point across. If it doesn't then the next time I am more direct in stating that I don't agree with such comments and may even ask that the comments cease in my presence if they are downright nasty.

Are you young? Don't be so hard on yourself then. Some things you only become graceful at/comfortable with with experience.
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Addendum: Before passing any of the details of this on to your friend (as someone else has suggested) ask yourself, "will anything good come out of it?" In my opinion, no--nothing good would come out of that. It might only serve to hurt your friend's feelings and nothing more. Of course only you know for sure since you were the one that was there. There is a difference between someone expressing an opinion (even an unflattering one) and the spreading of downright lies. If the situation were very serious you probably should tell your friend, but in this situation I most likely wouldn't based on what I know.

Answer 2

Your question is under the category of Garden & Landscape. Maybe a good spot. Sometimes a favorite plant has thorns, or unsightly leaves and other people might throw it out and miss the prettiest bloom. You were caught off guard and couldn't get your feelings together fast enough to defend your friend and now you feel guilty. Forgive yourself. Also something to think about: people who cut down others behind their backs are not showing good character. Maybe next time you hear this person or someone else do the same thing - you might just want to tell them that you don't want to hear it or be around that kind of talk. If they don't like someone they can tell it to their face. You have nothing to defend but your character.

Answer 3

It was a difficult situation to know what to do. I don't think that not saying anything shows you are a bad friend, I do think that caring about it as much as you do shows you are a good friend.
You have acknowledged to us that she is not the most liked person in the school - leaping to her defense would just have escalated the situation and probably made you even more uncomfortable.
Don't worry about it.

Answer 4

Yes you should have said something. I know it made you feel bad with everyone batching your friend. Also letting others know how her personality is make have shead some light on how they really take your friend. Being a good friend isn't always easy when that person has a reputation.

Answer 5

If anything, you could have said that everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but you see your friend is not the way she is being described, since you've been friends with her. I have learned to just keep quiet and let them say what they want. However, if they would start running down my friend, and really say bad things that I know are not true, then I will unload both barrels and let them have it. It's one thing to have your own opinion, but it's another thing to downright bad mouth somebody with false statements.

Answer 6

WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL, I HAD PROBLEMS LIKE THAT AND I DID NOTHING EITHER. BUT LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, HOW WOULD YOU HAVE FELT IF SOMEONE HAD TALKED ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND DID NOT SPEAK UP, WOULD IT HURT YOUR FEELINGS TOO??? MOST OF THESE PEOPLE WILL NOT BE IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU GET OLDER, SO LEARN TO SPEAK YOUR MIND, CAUSE IN THE END, YOULL BE THE BETTER PERSON, THESE PEOPLE DONT HAVE GOOD PARENTS BEHIND THEM TELLING THEM THAT GOSSIP IS NOT A GOOD THING. ANYWAYS WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND, THESE PEOPLE TALKING WILL HAVE IT HAPPEN TO THEM. JUST TELL YOUR FRIEND YOU DIDNT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATION AND THAT YOU CARE FOR HER AND SHE MIGHT BE MORE UNDERSTANDING THEN YOU THINK. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

don't feel bad u sound like a good friend who makes mistakes like anyone else perhaps you should tell your best friend the truth - what happened and how you feel about it but don't let her get to angry with her partner so they can't handle working with each other you dont want to affect her schooling. stick to her side! i'm sure she'll be pleased to know your sorry

Answer 8

Well, at least u didn't say anything bad about her. It is hard to defend someone, so you didn't do anything wrong. You aren't a bad friend. Wait, why is this under garden and landscape?????

Answer 9

DID THIS HAPPEN IN THE GARDEN

AB