My 26 year daughter is disrespectful to me and mean to my wife I have tried talking to my daughter,she's mean

Question

I have been divorced for 16 years to a woman that is an evil person.i have been married to a wonderful woman for 4 years,the only thing we fight about is my kids and ex-wife.She has put up with alot for 9 years.They all have treated her very bad.I have not stuck up for her in the past but want to now.She has gone out of her way to be nice and try to get along with daughter and 23 year old son.he's ok with her but my daughterbut is still mean .we live 300 miles away and that has saved my marrage,my wife says she is done trying and that my daughter will always be that way.
My ex-wife also sued me and won 12 thousand for back child support ,for son even tho she got remarried and making more money .My daughter at 14 did not get along with her stepfather and moved in with me,we had an aggrement that as long as we each had a child that neither of us would have to pay child support.My daughter got pregnant and i took care of both.,til she was 23.What do I do with daughter and wife?

Answer 1

You sir need to start standing up for your wife. Not the ex and not the daughter. You need to stop being involved with the ex. If all your obligations concerning the children are done, there isnt anymore need for contact with her. Now as far as your kids go, as hard as it is, you need to tell them, as long as your married to your wife, they need to be respectful to her. Period. If they cant, they dont need to be there.

I dont blame your wife at all. She has tried. Now its time for you to make it work.

Answer 2

Wow I have to say you have a lot of problems. I am not sure that the web is a good place to get good advice seeing that none of us know you but try www.newlife.com or a good Christian church family counsellor or even a private one. There must be a lot of heartache for everyone and I admire your wife for putting up with it all. Maybe your daughter feels alienated and wants your attention. What you could do is to have a one to one with her and ask her what is bothering her really. Sometimes there might be a deep down resentment towards you and your ex (her mother) and she is taking it out on your new wife because she feels that you are being taken away from her again. Reassure her that you will always love her and that your love for her as a father is forever. Don't play the conditions and all that sort of thing. The other thing is not to always point it out all the time. Let things be for a little as well, spend time with her on a one on one and do the same with everyone in your family. Every one needs that one on one with each other, your new wife needs you as much as you need her, that is your special time together. Then your daughter and son needs you too and you need them too so spend a little time with them as well. It will be difficult I assure you, but remember that I will pray for you and your family. Seek help and bring them into the discussion as well but maybe without each other just yet in the same room. That will be too direct and makes everyone confrontational and defensive for right now.

Answer 3

I really think that your wife is right about that she is done trying. Anotherwards, she is done trying to make your kids like her. That will never happen, unless your daughter comes to realize that you are married to a wonderful wife now. Your daughter is going to be who she is....sounds like she took after her mother. And the thing is, your daughter doesn't appreciate the things your wife has done or what you have done for her. She is never satisfied.

Your daughter is old enough to take care of herself and should be responsible for her own actions. She may have made some bad choices by getting herself pregnant, but she if she was living with you at the time of your second marriage, she knew that by being resentful with your wife and you, she would get her way.

This is what happens when kids are involved in a divorce battle. They get hurt and become resentful. But this time your daughter is paying you back for you not remaining married to her mother.

If your daughter is going to act hostile to your wife now. Then don't put your wife in that position. Your daughter is not showing any respect with you or your wife. She is like her mother! So, if your daughter wants to continue to have that relationship with you, do it without your wife being around. You already know how that goes. Don't allow your daughter to come to your home. Only allow her when she shows respect for you and your wife. OR until she finally apologizes to your wife and you for her behavior.

Hope this helps and remember, you don't have to put up with your daughters behavior, she needs to learn that she needs to start respecting adults.

Answer 4

I would let your daughter know that you love her, and that her behavior is hurting you. I would also let her know that you love your wife and respect her, and that you can no longer stand by and turn a blind eye to her being mistreated. Tell your daughter that you value the time you are able to spend with her, but that she needs to contain herself and be civil with your wife. It sounds as if your wife has sincerely tried, and I can't blame her for wanting to give up. Your daughter needs to mature in her behavior. She may be hearing things from your ex. She may think that it's your wife's fault for her mother's unhappiness. Or even feel guilty for liking your wife, for fear that she is betraying her mom. If that's the case, I would let her know that she should make her own judgments and not go by what other people are saying, and that it is no disrespect to her mother for her to behave like a respectable person to anyone, including your wife. I wish you the best of luck...

Answer 5

Your daughter ; I am certain is resentfull of your wife. It Might be because she wants more of your attention. Most often though it is because of the fact that you are not with her real mom.
How to solve it ????? Lots of ideas but I have doughts it will be solved until your daughter tries more and accepts her. You need to put your pressure in on this though. You have to be stern. if your daughter lives with or visits you. You need to put your foot down. You are the man of the house. Its your rules.
Your daughter is deffinitly a grown woman. Your wife lives with you.if one goes it has to be the daughter . Your second wife is tring and it is not on her. It is on your daughter.If she can't be nice then she will have to have very limited contact with your wife. Therefor be less of a part of your life. You can always go to dinner etc with just her. It is up to her though on the being part of her dads life. And new family
If she truly loves you she will do this. If she is a spoiled little brat that cares only about herself then she won't. It may take some time or never happen at all. You are in charge of your home life though ,not your daughter , Don't let her get away with the rudness and mistreatment of this nice woman in your life.
Don't let people you love mistreat others you love . If they can't get along keep them seperate period !! Deffinitly not living togehter you should have put your foot down omre as soon as your daughter turned 18 Its get along or get out and don't come back until you will get along with my new wife. No debate over it !

Answer 6

I say you should be done with any communication with your ex, and you can let your kids know that although you understand that she is their mother, you don't need her toxic influence in your life.
I would sit down with my daughter and tell her your side. Maybe tell her to come over, just have it be the 2 of you. Talk over coffee, and be honest. Tell her that you and your ex wife just weren't meant for each other, and that happens to a lot of people. Tell her that your new wife makes you happy, and everyone's goal in life is to be happy. Tell her that you would not want to see her live an unhappy life and she should want the best for you as well. I think if you talk to her calmly and assuredly that she might see your side. Also, tell your new wife to keep trying, she can't give up on something as big as that.
If your family is logical they can clear all of this up and start to love each other. Try to let go of the anger.

Answer 7

Your daughter is not a child anymore she is an adult with a mind of her own and no matter what problems or hang ups she has with you or her step mom she needs to tackle them in a more mature manner. i dont blame your wife for giving up after so long...

if i was you i would start sticking up for my wife and tell my daughter that if sheis going to be disrespectful to you and your wife then you would rather her not talk to you/see you until she decides to be mature about things...

i realise you dont want to lose your relationship with your daughter...but i dont thin you will lose her permanently ...she may disappear for a while and be annoyed with you...however this time will be good for her to think about her behaviour and miss you a little too....and maybe she will come back having compromised with the fact that she has to accept her step mther if she wants a relationship with you....

be strong and firm and stand by your wife...your daughter is young and fiery right now and needs to be put in her place!

your daughter will always be your little girl in your eyes but if you look from the eyes of the world she isnt a little girl in frilly dress....she is a woman ...an adult....she should behave like one and you need to remind her of that!

good luck! :)

Answer 8

That is just horrible and it seems that you and your family have put up with a lot. It seems that your daughter is acting out how she is feeling and you need to get to the bottom of it. You really need to sit down and just talk to her and find out how she is feeling about all of this. What is exactly on her mind and what makes dealing with your wife so hard. If you can get her to tell you what is really bothering her..then maybe you will have a chance at finding a solution. Trust me..it will show that you care about her if you went straight to her and had a heart to heart!!

Answer 9

You need to go into the "Tough Daddy mode" Tell your daughter that you will no longer tolerate her disrespecting your wife.She needs to be put in her place.Tell her exactly how you feel and how much she has hurt your wife's feelings.Tell her to grow up and quit acting like a spoiled brat.I wish you luck and it's great that you are sticking up for your wife.She's a lucky woman...

Answer 10

Your obligation is to your present wife. Your daughter is old enough to be on her own. If she chooses to live with you she needs to be respectful to both you and your wife. She needs to abide by your rules, I don't care how old she is. She also needs to put something into her living expenses. Sounds like you have a spoiled, inconsiderate brat on your hands that has never grown up. I know you love your daughter but now she needs to shape up or ship out. I know where you are coming from, been there myself. Good luck....