Last name changes . . what would be the best thing to do....?

Question

I am going to be getting married. I have two minor children who currently have my same last name instead of having their father's last name. The reason I gave my children the last name of myself instead of their fathers is because I was not with the fathers when children were born and wanted the children to have the same last name as me to avoid confusion. Anyway, my question is (and please keep an open mind about this) when I get married I don't want my children to have a different last name then me. I'm not sure if the fathers will ok me changing their last name to my husbands. I sincerely and passionately want my husband, myself, and my two children to live together and share a last name since we will be a family unit. I really don't even care what that last name is as long as it is the same for all of us. Do you think it would be ethical or ok to just have my husband's last name changed to the last name of me & my children? Or should I fight to get the children's last names changed

I would like to add that my husband-to-be does not have any biological children. One biological father has not seen his daughter in six years because of a "temporary" no-visitation order from the FOC. The other father plays an active role in his son's life. I have not mentioned this idea yet to my husband-to-be nor have I discussed anything with the biological fathers. I'd just like some input on what some of you think I should do. I have a strong feeling that the biological fathers will not want me to change the children's last names to my new husband's. I'm just trying to think of some options here. The oldest child is pre-teen and the youngest is four.

One father would gladly give away his parental rights. The other would not.

Also, I do not live with my husband-to-be. We are not going to live together until after we are married. I believe that if I could change the children's last names that they would understand that now we are all a family and have the same last name because we are related now.

Answer 1

I think if either child's father is involved in their life right now you will be doing that child a great injustice by changing his name. You will basically be pushing that child's father out of their life. Not trying to be rude but, when you decided to start having children with men you were not married to you also, made a decision that these men would be in your life for the next 18 years atleast. You are trying to in a sense "start-over" with a new family. This is o.k. but, you can not just push a child's father out of their life. It's not fair to the child. If neither child's father has anything to do with them then i would say go for it!!!

Answer 2

I can understand how you feel because my kids have a different last name than I do since I've remarried. But these days, it's so common that it's really not that big of a deal.

I think it would be kind of silly to expect your new husband to change his last name. If you think about it, then his last name would no longer be the same as his parents, so then his mom would feel the same as you do now.

If you feel very strongly about having your last name the same as your kids, then keep your last name when you get married. You didn't say if your kids are girls, but if they are, remember once they're married, they won't have the same last name as you anyways.

There's alot of adjusting to go thru when trying to become a new blended family. No matter how badly you really want to be one big happy family unit, having the same last name won't necessarily make it come true.

Don't worry too much about last names, there's so many other bigger issues to worry about in raising kids these days. You sound like a very loving mother and I'm sure you're kids will do well in life, no matter if your last names are the same or not.
Good luck in your new marriage!

Answer 3

I recently went through the same situation( although I only had 1 child) . I asked everyone involved how they felt about it, fiance, daughter, biological dad.... in the end, I just kept my own last name. It doesn't make me any "less" married and saves a lot of confusion when dealing with my daughter's school, doctor, etc...I think it was easier for everyone involved too. Changing your child's name is not a quick or free thing to do. And you can't just"use" your fiance's name for your children. Both father's would have to relinquish their parental rights. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Don't be so quick to change your children's names. I also chose to give my children my last name because I was not married and I don't regret it one bit. You didn't say how old your children where, but I would say if it ain't broke don't fix it, give it some time, let the children get older and see how they feel about it. If it is something they want, hey then go for it, but I don't feel that this should be forced upon them and as for them having their father's surname, they haven't had it this long and obviously didn't miss it, best of luck to you and your family. God Bless.

Answer 5

If your husband will change his last name... put it in the record books. It would be amazing! Age is a huge factor on the kids' names - but if their fathers (is that right there's more than 1?) didn't make them take on their names to begin with, they must not play a huge role in their lives. They may not even contest it. I think it's just sad you have put yourself in this situation.

Answer 6

How about get the children's last name changed to your new last name. Especially if their fathers are not around. I doubt your husband is going for taking on your name.

Answer 7

The only way to lose parental rights is to have your future hubby to be adopt the children through the court. You could simply hyphenate your last name, that way, the children still have your name.

Answer 8

If you want the kids names changed you will have to go to court or something to get it changed. Your new husband can always adopt the kids later if he wants. This is ethical BUT you have to do it the right and legal way. I wish you the best with this.

Answer 9

The problem I see is the kids are going to have all the past indiscretions brought back up. Marry the man, take his name and leave the kids alone. You'd have to change everything, social security cards, school records, it is endless.

Answer 10

If your new hubby has no problem changing his last name then you've got nothing to worry about. If he doesn't want to change then don't change your kids - it will be just more confusing to them. A family is based on love not the last name.