Why do people always assume staying together for the kids is the best thing to do?

Question

Alot of times staying together causes more damage and sends more bad messages.......

Staying together can be just as stressful for children and cause just as many emotional problems....

Answer 1

Honestly, I think it's just human nature. You want to protect your children.

Answer 2

because if it's done properly then it's actually is in the best interests of the child. However, just like many people don't divorce amicably, fail to pay child support, ask for too much child support, constantly fight about everything...so too can the parents who are staying together mess it up by the same things. But, if both are 100% committed to raising their child in a unified household then it can be done and is better for the child.

and sorry, I don't believe that you have to fight so that the children can hear. I don't believe that you have to fight at all. If it's understood what you are doing then you can both go about your day without arguing and fighting. Keep in mind this prevents either parent from having any relationship outside of the marriage as both should be spending time at home and with the child not out catting about.

Answer 3

I think people just think of the issues of the child being pulled between two parents and only living with one at a time instead of both and possibly even being abandoned by one of the parents. They dont think so much of all the horrible fights they may hear and things they may see, or about how seeing their parents treat each other that way can cause them to think they should treat others, or be treated by others, that way. Staying or going, its a lose-lose situation for any child in the middle of a miserable marriage. People should really be more responsible when it comes to having children and have them with someone they actually know, and think they can spend the rest of their lives with. This doesn't mean they will for sure stay together but they will be more likely to.

Answer 4

I don't think it is. I grew up in one and I know from experience that children would rather be from a broken home than live in one. Staying together for the children can cause them a lot more stress and problems than if the parents were to seperate. Look at it this way, would the children be better off growing up with two miserable parents or two happy parents? Unfortunetly, people think it's better to stay together so the children can watch them fight and hate each other.

Answer 5

I am divorced and I have two kids. I don't believe that "staying together for the kids" is the best choice. The kids will grow up aware of the tension between their parents and hearing the arguments and everything that goes with two people living together that no longer love each other. I think it's better for the kids to have equal time between both parents. Make the children understand that it is not their fault and that both parents still love them. As difficult as it may be to go back and forth between parents, I believe it is more detrimental to the children's mental health to have to live in a home where the parents only live together for the sake of the children.

Answer 6

I couldn't agree with you more. It's so important for a child to learn how GOOD relationships work. When a child is raised in a family where the parents don't get along, the child learns to settle.
I think some people stay because they are afraid that they can't make it on their own. Others believe that a child needs both parents. Of course, this is the best scenario when both parents get along and sets the example of a good marriage, but when it's bad it teaches the child that we can't change our mistakes.

Answer 7

Not all people do. I, for one, think that it's better for the kids to be in a peaceful home with one parent, than in a warzone with two. Staying for the kids is a big mistake, because it usually puts the kids in more stress and trauma than a divorce would.

You should try every alternative before divorcing. I think you should have to earn your way out, you should have to exhaust all avenues in trying to make it work out first, but if it isn't working, it isn't working, and the relationship between husband and wife has to be a good one FOR the children to understand how a good marriage is really supposed to work. Children learn by example.

Answer 8

That school of thought puts the children's interest ahead of adults. Children grow up better in a stable environment and with their parents. As divorced parents may go on, marry, and bring in more children to the picture (own or step-), the confusions and negative impacts to the children are enormous.

If one of the spouses is abusive and deems harmful to the child, then the answer is different.

Obviously, this school of thought is not commonly subscribed because over half of marriages do end up in divorces. More children are growing up in divorced homes. These children are now adults. It begs the question that how these adults will function as spouses and parents.

Answer 9

people say that cause, deep down inside they really don't want to go.,or sometimes they say that because they're scared to go it alone ,or they feel guilty for leaving or like a failure and they don't want to face that even though it's not anyones fault ,cause ppl change. If they really have the children in mind then they will find a way to keep the most important thing in thier lives and be cordial to on another.

Answer 10

It's not always the right thing, that's true, but it's good to give every effort to see if it can still work. The kids need both parents, and I know there are kids that turn out okay from divorce homes, but it has a terrible effect on a lot of them. Divorce isn't something that should be taken lightly.

Answer 11

In today's society, two parent homes are becoming non-existant. I think that sometimes the parents confuse what is best for the kids with what is going to save their pride in society. It's so hard to admit failure and divorce is failure in the public eye. I have two children personally and I am a single mother. I also lived through two divorces when I was a child. I promise you an unhappy marriage is as stressful on the child as it is on the adult. Life is too short to be unhappy.