My 26 y/o boyfriend kissed my 16 y/o niece. HELP! (No it's not the Jerry Springer show!)?

Question

Here's our history: We've lived together for 3 years out of 4. Recently we decided that after many arguments we don't really love each other anymore. But we have an apt, car & dog together. Plus all of our bills & possessions are intergrated. It just seemed too hard to separate. Another factor is that we can't really afford a place on our own. He can go back & live at home, but my Mom lives out of town so I have no back up plan. If that wasn't enough, a week later I find out that he messed around with my niece in our house while I was in the next room! She's always had a crush on him and we told her to quit hanging on him in the past. Evidentally she started it by rubbing his leg under the blankets while we watching a movie. Later on they kissed (lips only, no tongue). Then she tells her counselor about it & they want to investigate it. I don't think it was anything illegal, but what about me? How could 2 people I love do that to me? Was he trying to get back at me? Please share...

I mean I feel like it was her fault too b/c she'll be 17 soon and she knew what she was doing. She actually has a sad history of trying to get boys attention this way. (I'm
the complete opposite, I'm pretty shy just as he is.) But then it's like he was
the older one & he shoul'd've known better. He's a pretty submissive type of guy to hit on girls let alone cheat on me. The other thing is that while their stories match, the way things happened was altered. They both said the other one started it. They were touching each other under the blanket. She made it seem like he was pining for her and she couldn't say no. He said that she came onto him strong and he didn't refuse. Why? I don't know, maybe he was lonely. But no excuse is a good one. Now even though my family doesn't hate him b/c they now how my niece can be, they still don't want the 2 of them in the same roon ever again b/c it would be too awkward. So I kinda have to choose between him & my family.

I know it looks bad, but I seriously don't think he's some sort of child molester. He's around kids all the time, and nothing even remotely weird has ever happened before. Besides, my family has history with that sort of thing and I think my mom & sister would be more upset if they thought he was like that. My niece is well developed and doesn't look like a kid, trust me. I'm not trying to defend him, but I'm saying that they are both at fault. While my niece continues to go to counseling, I'm trying to get my bf to go too. I've been telling him to go b/c it helped me in the past. Under normal circumstances, I don't think he would have done it. I also think I worded what happened in the wrong order. We discussed breaking up & moving out THEN a week later the incident happened then 4 days later I found out about it. So should I forgive him? What about her? Thanks for your feedback.

Answer 1

boyfriend can get in a lot of trouble messing with a minor.
time to move out and on with your own life.

Answer 2

Wow,
Whoa!,
1st lets talk about your living situation. You both need to get your own place. This is much easier said then done i know but it is possible to get a roommate and that is your 1st thing to do. The other bills and the pet are difficult to resolve but something needs to be done and it is definitely time to do that.
Now regarding the niece. This is the hardest part because I do not have a conventional view of this. I believe that if you can think about sex and want it you are going to get it. Especially if you are a young woman. There was a time when a man that age would marry a girl as young as 14 or younger. That was the norm for a very very long time. As a wise woman once said, "when you get a man and woman together and they want each other there is nothing that will stop them"` That includes age and privilege.
No he is not a child molester. 1st of all there are hardly any real "predators" in the world but there is a lot of law and psychology out there set up specifically to put people in jail for no good reason at all.
What they did is a natural thing but not accepted in society these days so it is up to you how you want to sort it out. Just keep in mind as far as the law is concerned she is a 'victim" and he is the 'perp'.
Ask yourself if you want to be responsible for putting a man in jail for something that only came naturally to men until the last five minutes or so of history. She is not a child and has demonstrated this quite well at this point.
So to cap this. get out on your own. for both of your sakes. with you out of his life there will be no more opportunities for them to get together. Look at it like this, you are saving his life and your personal freedom. Roommates are not bad and it is a great way to learn more about yourself.

Answer 3

It is totally illegal. People should investigate! I hope that your niece's parents pursue the matter to the full extent of the law. Don't think of it as "how could 2 people who love me do this to me," think of it as "how could someone I love do this to me and my niece," because no matter what kind of crush she had on him and no matter how "grown up" she seems, she is still a child.

If it's too much trouble for you to sort out your belongings, get used to a life of being cheated on. I wouldn't have kids with this guy. There is always a way to get out, and you would be wise to pick up and move on with your life.

Your niece might need some counseling. Make sure she knows that it's not her fault and that you are here for her. She wouldn't probably have mentioned it to her counselor if it went down the way you think it did.

Good Luck and know that you deserve better than what this guy has given you.

Answer 4

as far because of the fact the customary of the two exhibits is going, Dr Phil wins hands down.. I by no potential rather understood why human beings talked approximately their own issues in front of finished strangers... i assume that that's the could be sought after that individuals have that makes them do such issues.. i think of that such concerns could be pronounced in the back of closed doorways.. yet then there is not any such situation as undesirable exposure.. i'm no longer shocked that one in each and every of those individuals who seem on Jerry Springer exist.. It does take all form of individuals to make the worldwide.. although that is on the Jerry Springer prepare the place there is an unusual concentration of freaks..

Answer 5

*eyeroll*

k first off where are you? i answered this question cuz a lot of poeple are saying its illegal. the first thing that popped into my head was dan radclife & equus & his age. its only illegal if your in a coutnry that has a higher age limit. but in england you're legal by 16. canada by 14 & uh...japan?..something like that by 13.

so depending on the coutnry it's either legal or not...you have to find out that part.

the rest is....if he's cheating on you with a younger gal, regardless of her beign related to you or not, then he's a loser & not worth you time. make your niece understand that to. cuz if he cheated on you, he will most definitly cheat on her after a while with another gal..or guy..sometimes they do actually go into a closet...& then cheat on that person again..

& so on & so forth.

as to the living situation...well thats a real mess you're in. this is why premartial sex/relatinships are no good. a gal should live with her parrents or in her own place alone or with some gal friends (or gay guy friends lol) until her wedding day.

but anyway...the best way is to go through divorce cuz if you've been together 3 years you're probably considered married common-law right? so i think thats probably the only thing to do let the judge sort it out...

Answer 6

I think they are both at fault. 16 yrs old girl isn't a child she is a young woman. You're boyfriend should of put a stop to it when sh was rubbing his leg under the covers. If I was you I would let him go and find a room mate. That has to make you feel uncomfortable. You said you didn't love each other so you're better off with out him. I wouldn't call him a child molestor either.

Answer 7

Well your niece may have some Child issues no one knows about. Your boyfriend is sick. No matter what she does ...... how she carries herself. SHE IS A MINOR. Its his fault because he is the adult ..... blood is thicker than men>SICK MEN. Have your niece go to counseling...kick him to the curb. I seen someone write that she is at flaut.... maybe but he should have known better. She is the minor, she is in the stage of learning she don't know anything. Its the adult who should have made the correct desicon. Don't defend him your an adult also. Just remember blood is thicker!!!!!! meaning (STAND BY YOUR FAMILY) THERE ARE SO MANY MORE FISH TO CATCH......HE CAN"T BE THAT GOOD.

Answer 8

getting into a "argument" is simply the excuse your boyfriend used to be able to live out his teenage girl fantasies on your easily influenced and very horny 16 year old niece (out of all people) unless you have self esteem lower than dirt then you should leave and act as if you never knew the creep. most men are very much like your boyfriend. sadly you got yourself into a very 1950s situation inwhich you cannot fend for yourslef, when you relay on anyone, expecially a man (men are controlled way more by physical emotion/attraction than women are) you are digging a whole for yourself, even if you were married you should always be able to pick yourself up and move on, finacially i mean. dont be upset with your niece, shes a horny teenager, you should try your hardest to teach her right from wrong b/c her impulsive behavior is going to lead to something alot worse tahn kissing her step uncle on the lips..seriously. even if ur mom lives out of town then u should try to work something out with her, maybe u do need time away, if that SIMPLY ISNT A OPTION AT ALL. then i guess the shelter is the only one, keep whatever sourse of income that you have...go back to school if you ahve to and the shelter will (probably) help you from there, i know it seems grim but in life we should use situations like thsi to learn from rather than just lay in regret.
-Tavasia

Answer 9

Your 16 years old niece is not child, so he is not a child molester. And, when you don't love each other then why don't you get seperated? You can sell house and car and take the money fifty-fifty. In case of dog make a toss and decide who is going to keep him or you keep the dog and let him keep the niece.

Answer 10

Why are you even trippin' with this looser. Don't he have any self control. What he has done is soooo wrong. No matter what...
Your niece is STILL A KID !!! She needs to be scolded in a major way and can get any man in trouble for what she is doing, if she did it that time she most likely has done it before . You really have to watch that one. Also, he can go to jail for what he has done. With or without consent...does he know THAT!

Answer 11

At 26 you are old enough to know that children( even a 16 year old child) is off limits! No matter how hard it is you have to get out of that relationship. Good luck!