I have been in a commited relationship for ten years, and recently got engaged. Lately I've found myself more and more attracted to a woman who works for me. I can't seem to stop thinking about her, what am I supposed to do? And am I just looking for a change from what I'm used to??
2007-02-08 10:16:40 · 13 answers · asked by TeneKora 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, so how much would it change the equation if this woman is also falling for me? I don't want to betray my fiance, but neither myself nor the "other woman" can figure out a way around this. I can't avoid her, she's one of my direct subordinates!
2007-02-08 12:23:52 · update #1
Okay, it's time to be honest. I think this woman and I are falling in love, every second I spend with her seems so good, and with her I feel things I have not felt in a long, long time. I appreciate the advice and the time you've all taken to help, but I guess in the end, I'll just have to sort it out myself. Again, many thanks for the efforts!
2007-02-14 07:50:24 · update #2
Well, I would say that that is something worth praying about...
I think that the issue may be deeper that just being attracted to another woman...
I say that because there is probably some need that you want met that is not being satisfied from your partner....
And there may be something about that woman that seems to fulfill that need...
I don't think that necessarily means you are attracted to or want a relationship with her...but, need to do some soul searching to determine what the needs are that you want met...and go from there...
It might also be a good time to discuss those needs with your partner, so that the person is given the opportunity to asses the changes they need to make.
And, I think premarital counseling will help get in touch with communicating those needs as well....
I wish you the best....
2007-02-08 10:23:21 · answer #1 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for an extended relationship to lose it's "lust factor" after about two or three years. From that point on you need to be great friends. Your experiencing the same thing you had with your fiance when you first met. You still love the fiance but you wnat to see the new girl naked (that's it in a nutshell). If your in love (which you may or may not be) with the new one, dump the old one. Don't string someone along in order for you to guarantee that you'll have some one there after the fallout, that is called being a jack ***. Do the right thing and be level headed, remember the new girl will eventually become the old and then what are you going to do.
2007-02-16 15:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by nw_brendan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you not already married? If you are going to marry this woman you need to stay commited, but if you are falling in love with someone else you need to get out of the relationship you are already in before you start another one. But be prepare for your fiancee's reaction, first ask yourself is this other woman worth the ten years you have had with your fiancee? Why would you throw those 10 years away? If you were truly "committed" you wouldnt have these second thoughts, you need to "re-evaluate" your relationship at this point, or it could just be cold feet. Good Luck! :)
2007-02-15 20:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by I Like Grapes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, Number one...........I'm assuming you are MALE and I am FEMALE so this is the female anwer..........
A "commited relationship" should really result in engagement WAY before 10 years, if you're serious about it. 3 years is acceptable.
I think..............A WOMAN'S OPINION, DON'T TAKE THIS AS LAW...........that you really DO NOT want this woman as your wife but seem to think that SOCIETY wants it due to the timeframe.......... anyway.........if that is the case and you are attracted to someone other than your fiancee, from a woman's viewpoint..............BREAK UP WITH THE GIRL NOW...........CALL OFF THE ENGAGEMENT, DOGG, DON'T EVEN GO THERE............ it will hurt BOTH OF YOU much less that way. Please let us know how it goes...............
2007-02-08 18:27:31 · answer #4 · answered by Avon Lady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most likely, since you also just recently got engaged that you have been doing some 'inner reflection'. maybe it has opened you up to other possibilities in life. Uncertainty about whether marriage is right for you or your fiance is the 'right one' for you.
Youve been pragmatic so far...now youre feeling a bit giddy and restless. You can allow your feelings or attractions but dont let it hurt your current relationship unless youre prepared to lose her or the road you already set yourself on. sometimes, the feelings like that come in all good relationships...its a reminder that we're human and feel attraction, feel another person being attracted to us. doesnt mean you have to act on those feelings. they can make you turn your heart and mind even greater to the one who actually has your heart. peace. be strong. happy nuptuals
2007-02-08 18:34:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let's be honest here. If you were in a committed relationship for ten years without marriage, you were just waiting for someone else to come along. You've let your relationship become a bad habit, which is not what your marriage should be about.
Set your fiancee free and stop stringing her along.
2007-02-16 14:58:51 · answer #6 · answered by D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your feelings for this woman will change how u feel about your fiance and maybe cause u not to want to get married anymore. maybe u should distance yourself from this new woman for awhile and try to love the one u are with. perhaps it is nothing more than lust but i feel so badly for your fiance and all the years she has stayed committed to u and stuck by u and now this. all over some attraction u are feeling.
2007-02-08 18:37:04 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's just cold feet. Stay calm and don't do anything stupid. It will pass. Don't ruin a good relationship because you're feeling a little nervous. Leave the woman at work alone!
2007-02-08 18:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
cold feet maybe? you should try distancing yourself from this woman, as much as possible. how much do you love your fiance? you will find yourself attracted to all sorts of people in life, but that's not love. think about it before you act, if you want to keep your fiance.
2007-02-08 18:20:23 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should not listen to any of these people and do what you want. someone wonderful once told me that i didnt need to be all judged by people that dont even know me. a lot of people can answer the question so easily. they just pick an answer and elaborate on **** that they dont even know about. its easy . dont cheat, dont overthink it and just wait and see what happens.
2007-02-14 15:58:34 · answer #10 · answered by alvins82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋