Is it wrong of a wife to get upset when her husband stays out all night drinking without calling?

Question

He claims he gets too drunk & then he's afraid to call & ends up crashing at a friends house. He treats me like a loser when I get angry with him.

Answer 1

No that is not wrong at all. Your husband should be home with you. If this is a regular thing, then chances are he may have a drinking problem. He needs to call you.

But I know exactly what you are feeling- he does not understand. My ex-husband did that a lot, that is why he is my ex. I would worry that he was hurt, when I would not hear from him. I wondered where he was, what he was doing and who he was with. If he had had a problem, then I would never have known where he was. Most times he came home at night, just not until like 3 AM. He would get mad at me and tell him that I should trust him more, and that he was not drinking, but I knew he was, I could smell it on him.

It took me kicking him out to straighten him up, and I am not entirely conviced that he is sober like he says.

I would seriously seek help for him. He is in denial, you may be too. You should go to an AlAnon meeting and get some advice as to how to deal with it. Then maybe you can help him and save your marriage. I wish someone would have given me that advice, because I did not believe that he had a serious problem until after we were divorced. But you go to Al-Anon and find out how YOU can help him. That will be the start.

Answer 2

I am married to a man who used to do this. 3-4 nights out of 7 no less. I CHOSE to stay home most of the time, sometimes I went with. He always called, I drove by a few times, and he was indeed where he said he was. I used to get super mad, which as someone else pointed out doesn't yield the results you think it will. Now, after being in jail twice, on home detention and living away from home in a halfway house, he's sober.
I always knew there was a great man in there someplace, turns out, an even better man was hiding behind alcohol and marijuana.
We have been through HELL because of the addictions, but now we are on an up swing thats just getting better and better.
I tell you this because IF he is NOT cheating on you, you can deal with this. Talk about it when he is sober, and not tired. Stop getting "angry"- be serious and firm. You don't like him staying out all night, he is your HUSBAND you married eachother for a reason. Remember what that reason is - well hopefully REASONS (plural).
Cheating is a whole 'nother issue though. that is grounds for the D word.

Answer 3

No, it's not wrong. I don't think it's as much about the drinking as for the fact that you didn't have any idea where he was and if he was safe. You have every right to be upset because it means you care. I'm not sure why he's treating you like a loser but explain to him until he understands (without showing too much emotion) that you just worry about his safety and no matter how late he's going to be or what he's doing, he should still give you a quick ring. Good luck!

Oh yeah, staying out all night all the time...fishy.

Answer 4

No it's not wrong for you to get upset. what is wrong is that you continue to put up with this nonsense!!! Now we all know alcohol impairs ones judgement ,but it doesn't make you afraid . Yeah right he was afraid alright afraid that he can't bring who ever he was out with home .there is absolutely no reason why a man can't come home unless he was up to something . There is nothing open all night but 7-11 AND LEGS!!!! The reason why he treats you like a loser because he has something to hide . You see that's what men do when they are up to no good . They try flip the roles on you like you're the one who stayed out all night matter of fact why don't you stay out all night and watch his reaction.

Answer 5

my husband has done the same 13 times in two years to be exact. i am very hotheaded and have thrown him out about ten of these times for a week or more, he does it again though. it drives me mad. he did it last week 4 the first ime in ages then grumbles that if i went with him he wouldnt get so drunk and fall asleep. i have went on the look for him a few times, hammered down friends door etc, and hes usually there still half drunk, its disgusting and frustrating and brings all sorts of other problems,you dread him going out because your afraid of it happening again, its no way to live. i plan to leave my loser, its just the when i cant figure out i have no respect 4 him anymore, if he cant respect himself and our family. i cant stand him even touching me anymore i try to avoid being in bed when hes awake and ometimes fall asleep downstairs then he gets upset!!! we ve only been married 2 years. the next time he does it go to his friends early the next morning because lets face it u dont get much sleep anyway, go there hammer the door down and DEMAND to know where he is if hes not there. he could be telling the truth but thats really not good enough either. me and u should hit the town and find ourselves 2 real men!!!! good luck

Answer 6

I agree with the RAT guy, if you were to switch the tables around on him tell him your at a friends place, I wonder what he would do? Tell him this first to see how he responds then tell him you are going to give him a taste of his own medicine and I bet he will straighten out, but there are trust issues here. Make sure you have several g/f's that can veryify your whereabouts so he can't say your out screwing around. The guy is giving you a line, when you suspect something, there is usually something going on. Break it before he does something that you both regret. And try to say it with love, this is the difficult part, but in the long run he needs to hear it. I been there done that and bought the t-shirt so take care with your decision and good luck. Heather

Answer 7

You are not the looser and you have every right to be angry. He is being sophomoric and selfish. He isn't being honest in more ways than one. Trust your instincts. Who's he staying with? Why can't he take a cab home? If "this friend" is sober enough to drive the his/her home, then he or she is sober enough to drive him home. I had a drinker for a husband and he didn't fool around (as far as I know) but every time I heard an emergency siren I'd go crazy. Ya gotta get the truth out of him.

Answer 8

Wow...how old is he that he needs to go out and DRUNK. That is unacceptable in a marriage. He's too drunk and conciously decides he won't call because he doesn't want to hear it?? Most certainly unacceptable. You should nip this in the bud and put your foot down. There is a line that needs to be drawn as of yesterday. If he can't control his drinking, he probably has a problem and do you want to deal with that the rest of your life? I think not.

Answer 9

What do you think? Does it upset you for him to do what he is doing? How upset does it make you? Have you asked him to call you when he stays out and gets drunk? If so, why does he not do what you want? Does he love you or do you think he does? Does he care about you in any way at all? If not, why not? Don't you think you should talk to him about his behavior? Communication is the only way to solve problems and to find out what is going on in each other's life. If I were you I would be very upset and I would confront him but I would do it when he is sober and I would just sit down with him and hash things out and get my feelings out on the table as well so there would be no mistake.........know what I mean?

Answer 10

um
no
I'm sorry but no committed married man (or woman) has any reason to go out drinking either alone or "with the guys" - get drunk and not call...

As a matter of fact - it's time to grow up. This behaviour is the most irresponsible, mindless, stupid, insensitive, childish and asinine I can possibly imagine.
And dear - if you are enabling him by allowing the "boys night out" thing, then my suggestion would be for the both of you to sit down and discuss a new life for the both of you... TOGETHER.
You're not singles in college anymore.