Is married life really as bad as it seems?

Question

All around, I see married couples that are all the same. Bickering and totally not in love. Does marriage actually break you apart more than it does bring you together? On TV, although I know better than to trust the media, it looks like married life is utterly boring, loveless, and completely alike. Does love lessen after marriage?

Please help me, I need some reassurance or a few different views, maybe a good story or two. Thanks in advance.

Thanks to everybody for their fantastic answers, I really don't think I can pick a best for this one! I am reading through all of them right now.

Answer 1

I think love generally deepens the longer you are married, but it changes and evolves into different kinds of love. I know lots of happy couples; both sets of my grandparents have been married for over 50 years. They are so sweet and care deeply for one another. When my grandma was on a trip to Europe with her daughters recently, my grandpa wrote her a sweet card saying he missed her and sent it to her. my other grandpa compliments my other grandma all the time and tells her how beautiful she is and how much he loves her. I think if you can make it through the tough years when you're young and impatient, broke, and exhausted from chasing your kids around, then you will really grow together. Respect deepens, intimacy increases, and your connection intensifies But of course the lust fades, the romantic butterflies in the stomach will subside, too. But that stuff is nothing compared to having someone you know you can always lean on who loves and respects you and would do anything for you.

Answer 2

It's only bad when two people aren't truly meant to be together especially if they have absolutely nothing in common. Two people that take that step down the isle really should think about taking a marriage course before they get married so they are absolutely sure about the whole thing.

You sound very cynical about the whole idea of marriage and with divorce rates that are high enough it does you make you think and it's scary to even think the one you have pledged your life to has some kind of hidden secret you know nothing about.

Trust, honesty, and love are the key ingredients to a happy successful marriage. Just remember this how a man treats you now is how he will be when you get married. If the guy is controlling or manipulative get out while you can.

Answer 3

love does not lessen after a marriage it gets stronger. You must be around married people that aren't very happy. I've been married 25 years. Sure there are ups &downs but they are always fixable.
You are the one that will have to find someone you trust with all of your soul. You wanted to hear a story. A few weeks ago my husband a terrible wreck in our truck. I was not home at the time, But I was waiting for him to call me when he got home. We have always called each other. After 3 hours went by and he should have called me no longer than 1 1/2 hours I knew with every fiber of my soul he had a accident. I called our son who is 23 and told him I know Dad crashed off the canyon. He called our daughter who called the CHP and yes there was an accident.
My kids caught up with ambulance thier Dad was in. The reason I knew he had crashed is our love is so strong I felt it. My husband went off aa 200ft drop he had fallen asleep. Then he climbed back up to the road. He came out with minor injuries. Our love and the Lord kept him alive. So ya see love can & does last forever. I am even closer to my husband now than before and I didn't think that was possible. Your spouse needs to be your best friend, someone you can always count on no matter what and they count on you it's 50-50 no matter what anyone says. I hope you find your true love

Answer 4

I don't think so. My husband and I have been married for going on 2 years now (together for almost 5), and we are very much still in love. Yeah we bicker and argue, but what "normal" couple doesn't? It is never anything that we are not over in a couple of hours if even that long. Some people might consider us still "newlyweds", but we have lived together for all but about 6 months (in the very beginning of our lives together) of our entire relationship so there really isn't anything that we haven't encountered as a married couple as far as living arrangements, and other common marriage factors. But I also think that the people with loveless marriages contribute themselves too much to their jobs and not enough on their family life. Overall, to answer your question "Is married life really as bad as it seems?", your answer from me is no, marriage just like life is as exciting or as boring as you and your spouse make it. If the two of you don't set aside some time from your busy schedules for each other, then the two of you will eventually grow apart, my advice is spend time together and keep the spark alive and you will be fine!

Answer 5

Marriage is something you have to nurture and work on throughout. Good marriages don't happen without the couple nurturing their relationship and keeping it fresh.

For example, some married couples don't date each other after they have been married for awhile. They should go out on dates with each other just like they did before they got married. They need to make time for this.

Also, they should not fall into a routine. Life is full of routines (go to work, take the kids to school, etc.), but married couples can spice things up by exploring different hobbies or activities every once and awhile.

Marriage gets boring if the couple let it get boring.

You have to make it fun and exciting.

Answer 6

It doesn't lessen, but it does change.

Part of the initial heart-pounding excitement of love is not knowing. Not knowing if your partner feels THE SAME, not knowing if they have the same feelings about a relationship as you do, not knowing where the future will lead.

When you are married, much more is certain. You KNOW that person will be there for you in the dead of the night. You KNOW that you have a true partner through thick and thin. You KNOW that your children will look up to a wonderful mom or dad. You KNOW just what your partner likes in bed, and you get it back in spades.

Some may interpret married life to be less exciting, but there is as much excitement as you make the effort for. The key is to focus on the relationship now and then, not just the "paying the bills" of life.

Answer 7

How much do you value trust? Would you enjoy a life of total trust from and for another person? Someone who will love you when you wake up in the morning and your breath stinks, and your eyes are all crusty - hair's a mess? How about when you're sick, and grumpy? Beautiful and primped? Someone to take care of, and be taken care of from.

Being married is both joyous and hard work. You have to put effort into it every single minute of every single day. The best advice I got before I was married was to "Keep my eyes wide open before tying the knot, and half shut after". While you need to be absolutely certain before you're married, once you are, you have to ignore the little things, and greatly appreciate the rest.

Being married truly CAN break you apart, but it can also bring you nearer to another person than you can ever imagine! The good news: not becoming one of "those couples" is your choice. You will get absolutely ever ounce of effort back, that you are willing to put in to your marriage. No matter how frustrated, angry, whatever, you are NEVER EVER take your spouse for granted. Never believe it won't work! That is one of the world's greatest lies! Instead take a few seconds to breathe and reflect on the things you adore about them. Go out of YOUR WAY every day to do something nice for them. You will be greatly rewarded.

Answer 8

Depends on who you marry, and why you marry. Marriage is like any relationship, it has its ups and downs, but it does require you work at it. Communication is the most important, talking about how you feel about things like money, raising your children, etc. Working as a team is important as well. I think also taking time out for yourselves, doing something fun that you both enjoy. Its easy to grow apart. I think that you love more after you marry but it evolves into a different type of love. Its important to be friends too, have a sense of humor, and enjoy each other. I would marry the same guy again in a minute.

Answer 9

Wow what on earth has all this got to do with anyone apart from your fiance and you ? If you are both old enough to marry then you are old enough to make your own decisions and everyone should just do what you want. How can his family say they wont let him get married there, what on earth has it got to do with them? Too many people want to plan your wedding for you and you end up having to please some and not others, think about what you both want and then just do it, personally if any of my family were playing up with way I would tell them you have made up your minds and if they dont feel they can come then thats their choice. Its not about the building its about the rest of your life. I cant believe there is so much rivalry here, honestly just talk to your fiance and see what he wants, if he is ok with your choice then so be it but if he feels like he should honour his mum and dads choice then I would pick another venue so that nobody gets their own way. You are getting married for goodness sake, does it matter where you do it ? All that should be important is that you and he are together saying your vows. Stand up together for what you believe in and go with that, others will have to come around or not come at all.

Answer 10

Well..the reason you see people who are married fighting all the time is cause people now a days marry for the wrong reasons. If 2 people get married who are ACTUALLY in love. The Marriage is great. Also.. There have been many cases where 2 people get along better as B/F, G/F than they do married.