How's this?

Question

How do you like this poem so far? It's for school

The gentle flakes of falling snow
Give all the streets a radiant glow
Bundled up i walk along
The plants will be covered soon i know

I'll whistle and hum and sometimes sing
And sometimes I'll hear a faint little talking
The children i see looking out from the windows
They giggle and laugh at the snow day awaiting

I feel a slight breeze and observe the clouds above
The snow swirls around like small feathered doves
The sun is hidden and the clouds are white
And the people on the street feel the beautiful love

I still need one more stanza~ 4 lines~ all lines rhyming
if you have any rhymoing words that i could use that would be a help....

lou~ only the last stanza has to have all for lines rhyme....

K this is the final- how do you like it???
The gentle flakes of falling snow
Give all the streets a radiant glow
Bundled up I walk along
The plants will be covered soon I know

I'll whistle and hum and sometimes sing
And sometimes I'll hear a faint little talking
The children I see looking out from the windows
They giggle and laugh at the fun snow day awaiting

I feel a slight breeze and observe the clouds above
The snow swirls around like small feathered doves
The sun is hidden and the clouds are white
And the people on the street feel the beautiful love

All will change one peaceful night
The sun set low will soon take flight
Some people forget the cold, wet sight
But I will always remember this avenue of white

Answer 1

that's pretty impressive! good job! i love writing poetry and i have to say that i think you will get a darn good grade on this one!!

well since you already talked about the people a lot... make the last line about the chilly breeze and how this time of year is special and will be missed when spring takes it's place. just my suggestion!

Answer 2

ok a lot of it i do not like cuz it does not flow,
try something close to
*Gentle flakes of falling snow
*giving streets a radiant glow
*bundled up i walk alone (sounds better than along, either that or just compleatly cut along,)
*talking quietly on the phone.(dont use it, its an example of how its supposed to rhyme.)
*i'll wistle and hum and sometimes sing
*and sometimes hear chimes give a ring
*The children stare from inside
*they laugh and play hoping for a snow day (play and day rhyme)

*the harsh wind blowing on my face
*i look and see there is no trace
*the sun is hidden and the clouds are dark(when it snows the clouds arent white)
*there are no children at the park (poor example sorry)

*i turn my head and look away
*i hope that christmas is this way
*i love to play in the snow
*it turns faces all to glow
i hope this will have helped please revise your poem, i feel that you have not thought about some of your sentences ex. the snow swirls around like small feathered doves, it does not make sense to say feathered doves, everybody knows the doves have feathers, and the line after, and the people on the street feel the beautiful love, does not sound good!
sorry if it sounds rude, but i am trying to get you a better grade!!!

Answer 3

It's a lovely peom Sammie, I can't help ypu tho, keep going with the next stanza. I like it.

Hope you get good marks.

Answer 4

If all lines are to rhyme, then you need to change your third line in each stanza you have already written.

Answer 5

Don't quit your day job.