I was raped 11 years ago by my ex-boyfriend. I saw his profile on myspace yesterday. That got me thinking about it again. I thought I was over it, but it always seems to be in the back of my mind. Should I forgive him? And if so, should I tell him that I forgive him?
2007-02-08 09:20:24 · 34 answers · asked by KT 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I've learned just recently that forgiveness is really about the person doing the forgiving. You can forgive him - and he need not know anything about it. It is simply giving him clear passage in your mind. You will not have to feel anger and hurt every time you think about him.
If you would like to let him know that you forgive him - that's fine too. Make sure he knows you are not saying that what he did was okay - or acceptable. It's simply that you are giving him free passage in your mind. Again - it's really more about YOU than it is about him.
Unless he has reformed in some huge way - I'd keep a good distance from him. And even if he claims to have reformed - you owe him nothing - and your own safety and well being should come first.
2007-02-08 09:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by liddabet 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
It is great to forgive, however, rape is not something you can forget. If you can forgive him in your heart that makes you a wonderfull person. In regards to seeing him on myspace, you have two options, completely ignore him or second, make up a account, let him know it is you and tell him, that you are a good person and forgive him Let him know that life went on, that you have a good life and what he did to you did not ruin your life, nothing more, do not tell him anything personal, then never look at that account again. Maybe it will make him feel like the piece of crap that he is all over again or anger him because you are doing so well.
2007-02-08 09:30:13 · answer #2 · answered by vivib 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK im gonna be completely honest with, I was raped about 14 years ago, I feel your pain. Anyways, there are ALWAYS gonna be things in life that will spark up that awful memory no matter what U do. I say if U want to forgive him for your own personal well being then go for it but in reality honey if he's not asking for forgiveness on his own then don't give him the satifaction of knowing that it still bothers U & that U need him to feel sorry. If he hasn't asked for forgiveness, most likely he won't & thats also OK because you can forgive on your own time. I personally can't & won't forgive the one who hurt me, even now that he has passed away, I have just learned to forgive myself, & love me for who I am & move on with life. Don't rush into anything take your time & do whats right 4 U
Keep Your Head Up & Heart Open
2007-02-08 09:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Going through a rape is so difficult and when you think that you are over it and have moved on with your life something like your situation happens. I went through this to but have not came in contact with him since it happened but my rape ended with a result of pregnancy. I look at her everyday and see him. It was very hard at first but I turned all my faith over to God and the best thing to do is forgive for this is what God wants us to do, you don't have to tell him just God and he will guide you through it and make the situation easy to deal with. But don't give the guy the pleasure of knowing you are okay, what he did was so wrong and can never be taken back. As long as you can forgive in your heart then the forgiveness is excepted. I wish you the best and remember some people can take things from us but it is up to us to not let them destroy our soul.
2007-02-08 09:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by butterflyangel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a guy - no, I don't think you should forgive him, but if you want to for yourself, or for religious reasons - then forgive him internally or ask God to, etc..
As far as telling him you've forgiven him - no, No, NO absolutely DO NOT. Your ex raped you, he may have raped others - even many others. Whether that's the case or not, the last thing anyone ever needs to ever do is give a rapist, or a potential rapist, a reason to believe rape is a forgivable act or less serious than it is.
2007-02-08 09:34:19 · answer #5 · answered by OminousOnus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is to bring you peace, the the person who raped you. Yes you must forgive him but don't even try to forget. That's not humanly possible. I would not tell him anything because it is a bad, bad idea to have any kind of contact with him...ever. Remember, rape is not about sex; it's a crime of anger and violence. He's got major problems. I hope you reported him because there are probably other women out there who have been assaulted by him too. He needs to be stopped.
2007-02-08 09:26:39 · answer #6 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's something you have to think long and hard about doing. I think you should talk it out with a priest, pastor or preacher personally. They would have the most guidance in your situation.
I've always been told to forgive and forget. Forgiving is easy to me, but forgetting isn't.
I had something happen to me when I was small. I never told anyone. And as I got older I cried about it almost every night. Then a couple of years ago I met my current boyfriend who I'm completely in love with. I told him what happen and I have never cried about it since. So talking to someone may help you decide too.
2007-02-08 09:29:29 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my first thought was WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU FORGIVE HIM??? I mean, this guy raped you. He violated you. He has no right to be forgiven. But then i thought about it and I believe that you should forgive him. Not only for him but for you. Forgiving him is a way of letting go but never truly forgetting. It takes a strong, brave person to forgive someone who has truly hurt us. So, forgive but certaintly don't forget. You'll be a stronger person for it.
2007-02-08 09:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rape is one of the most heinous personal violations that exists. This guy assaulted you and forced himself on you, most likely as a means of exerting some sort of control over you. What exactly do you want to accomplish by "forgiving" him? How will it make YOUR life better? Please don't tell me that you are actually trying to reestablish some sort of contact with this guy. What you really should do is find a way of posting something on myspace alerting other myspace users that this guy is a rapist.
2007-02-08 09:26:53 · answer #9 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should try hard to forgive him and move forward. You should not tell him your forgive him, just know in your heart that you do...that is enough. Never get in touch with him. You can forgive him, but you don't have to invite him back into your life with the possibility of him hurting you again. Move forward and let you forgiveness bring you peace to your heart and peace to your mind. Good luck to you along your journey.
2007-02-08 09:25:57 · answer #10 · answered by Trying 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋