I live in Nashville TN My mom lives in Va 8 hours away. I try to go visit her as often as I can 1-2 times per year, but I work full time and even that can be difficult with my busy schedule and where I am from has a small airport so flying is not practical due to the cost. My mom does not work and has some medical problems but none that prevent her from shopping or going somewhere five hours away several times a year. She tries to put me on a guilt trip for not visiting her more. Shouldn't she come visit equally as much under the circumstances? What would be a nice way of saying that she should?
2007-02-08 08:39:44 · 10 answers · asked by TennesseeGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell her it's a TWO WAY ROAD and that if she wants to see you, she can always visit you. my mom is the same freaking way. I live closer to her than one of my brothers. to visit me all she has to do is cross the border (Tijuana-San Ysidro,CA.) take the damn trolley and then take a bus to get to my place (a 20 min ride) and to visit my brother in AnaheimCA she has to take a greyhound and it takes like 4 hours to get to my brother's house and she visits him more often ok? i got fed up with her crap and black mails that I told her that whenever she wants to see me, she knows where I live. I do have a busy schedule but she thinks that just because she is my mom she is the center of my universe and that SO NO TRUE. sometimes you have to be blunt you know?
2007-02-08 09:29:32 · answer #1 · answered by chikis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We moms sure know how to do guilt trips, they were used on us so much. Sit her down, or talk on the phone with her and tell her honestly that with your full time work situation and your very busy schedule there just isn't that much time you can set aside to go to visit her. You would like to see her several times a year, but at present you can't do that with the time constraints that you have. Then ask her the big one--can she come visit you? If her health problems don't allow that, can she visit with a friend? You'd pay, if she could do that. That would be a solution for now with the visitation situation. Now, the ball is in her court. Its not you, you are doing the best you can, she has to do something to correct a situation she doesn't like. Stand true to your decision, it might take her a few months and a lot of grumbling.
2007-02-08 08:54:23 · answer #2 · answered by Terry Z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best you can do is just keep inviting her to visit. Explain to her that you'd love to visit, but just can't get away, could she please come to you? Mom's are great at guilt trips. LOL, it's a course we take before they let us leave the hospital. Seriously, my daughter called me on it once, and it changed my attitude. She told me to stop it or she would just stay away longer. (I'm paraphrasing it here, but the idea is there) I took a look at myself, and realized she was right, and if I wanted a relationship with her that I'd better stop making things difficult. She works, I don't. She has other commitments that she volunteers for or gets involved in (which is how she was taught by example) and she just didn't have the time. I hope this works for you. It never did with my mom, but she was a witch, and I just had to also learn to accept that too. Good luck.
2007-02-08 08:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel too bad my mother lived 10 miles from me. Never came to see me only if you went to the hospital would she come to visit. If I invited her to holidays, birthdays, she would never come. If you went to her house I heard , where was my brother or sister. It was my fault everyone moved up to the little town where I moved a whole 10 miles away. I sometime think they just want to put a guilt trip on you. Don't let her put that guilt trip on you. Do what you can that makes you feel happy that you tried your best. Offer her an airplane ticket or a bus ticket. Tell her you would love to spend time with her , but with your work you can't. Tell her you need her help around the house with her great ideas for decorating or what every she is good at that would help. I called my mom ever day. She never called me. Even when I was in an accident and was in a hospital out of town. I needed her to help me when I came home and she was never there. I needed her to watch my grandkids when my husband had open heart surgery out of town, but she would not help. She babysit my brother children while they bowled and went on vacation. But not mine or my twin sisters. But I held my head up high and did what I could do when she got ill, I stopped by twice a week and fixed dinner. Always to the same where is your brother and other sister. Never a thank you. But I can say I did my best even when she did not. I have not guilt, when we had to put her in a nursing home. She wanted to come to my home, but I just could not do anymore. I could not have heard everyday where is my brother and sister. So, just remember Do what you can to feel good. You can not jump at everything they want you have a life too .
2007-02-08 08:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My mom does the same thing. She can travel to Europe, Africa, and China but God forbid she has to travel for 5 hrs. to see me.
When she starts in I just say, "Mom, I visit you at least 3 times a year. I've lived here for 8 years and you've been here 4 times. Don't lay a guilt trip on me". I doubt it would do much good for you to say the same thing. Some moms just like to guilt their kids (I can say that, I'm a mom).
It hasn't helped much but at least I feel better.
2007-02-08 08:46:19 · answer #5 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should explain the situation to her. and ask her to be more understanding but u should also be more understanding becuz u will regret not visiting her when she's not in this world no more. but if she gets mad and says she wont go then dont get grouchy tell her u will visit her when u have the chance becuz u miss her and make her smile. that will make her be more understanding =)
2007-02-08 08:45:07 · answer #6 · answered by ~Jayda~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her a ticket.
Arrange with a friend of hers who lives in the same place to come with her.
2007-02-08 08:43:11 · answer #7 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your mom and be honest about how you feel. tell her if she cant come and visit she should not complain about you being unable to visit.... be honest and try to meet halfway and resolve it.. you are blessed to still have your mom make the best of it..
2007-02-08 08:45:21 · answer #8 · answered by bluedanube69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just invite her and see what she says. I think we owe our parents a little since they went out of their way for us for so many years. I guess it's payback. ha ha.
2007-02-08 08:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by slo1970 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer to buy her a bus or plane ticket.
2007-02-08 08:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋