LONG STORY!!! women please give me your input?

Question

This is going to be long but to get the best answers i need to give most of the details.
There was this married couple that are my friends but little over a year ago they split up and are almost done with their divorce. The guy is already involved with someone else but the girl is not. I my self am out of a 5 year relations ship too and recently I've been seeing this girl more often. I always thought she was very attractive and nice person and she felt like that too about me as well but we never took it pass that since we both were happy at our relationships at the time.
We've gone out to movies and dinners few times, she invites me to her home all the time and gives me warm hugs, kiss on the cheek and all the good body language signs like playing with her hair, looking away , sitting really close to me on a big couch etc, etc...I see all this things so one evening I just went for it and kissed her....I think she was little surprised by that but did not fought me off so i figured it was fine. After that we went out few more times and kissed few more times but I think it was me who initiated all the time. Than few days later as we were going out I wanted to give her hello kiss and this is when she told me she is not ready for relationship right now.....I know she is going through thought time with the divorce right now so I automatically said that neither am I ( I guess I was defending my own ego from being rejected?) all of this has been few months ago
since than we still talk and hang out occasionally whenever I can but I do stay out of town a lot due to my job so its not easy. She still gives me all the body language and stuff, I even try not to return the kiss on the cheek when she gives me a hug but she doesn't notice that I'm trying to back away ....after all she said she wsnt ready so I took few steps back.
Just last weekend she invited met to her house and we were supposed to watch some movies, but it turn out that her brother had people coming over to watch boxing which we did instead movies. While there she was talking with her friends that I hardly know I was sitting there all by my self like a sore thumb....I felt stupid and out of place...after the fight everyone left and so did I even I had a feeling she did not want me to go....was it a right move?
I dont know what to do....I know I like her and she likes me too but something tells me she is not going to be ready for longtime and I dont want to be playing this childish game, we are both adults she is 27 im 29
feb 14 is coming up and I have two choices
either keep going after her and send her a card ----I need suggestions on what to say

or I could talk to her and tell her that it would be best if we dont see eachoter for a while because it keeps messing with my and her head and i find it hard to be just her friend and deny myself the feelings I have towards her....
by doing this I hope it would help her realize how she truly feels and i'm prepared for what ever the outcome might be....either way the choice is going to be clear and simple

some of you might tell me that we bot are on a rebound and that divorce are tough on a person.....I'm very well aware of it so no need to tell me that
I just need advice on what to do how to do it and what to say

Answer 1

So you're dating a married woman and asking if you should get her a Valentine's Day gift? No. She has told you she is NOT going to be ready for a long time.
You are feeling - to use your words- stupid and out of place because you are dating a married woman
Stop seeing her. Don't be friends.

Answer 2

This could be confusing for anyone because regardless if it stays a friendship or moves forward you care for this person so you don't want to make the wrong move and end up losing that person totally. Yes your right about the whole divorce thing can be difficult, everyone knows that. But it also sounds like there has been a well amount of time frame since the divorce. It sounds like she does want more to come out of this relationship but for some reason she is closing up and pushing you away, maybe fear of failure again, I don't know.I strongly believe that when a person gets out of a relationship they can not truelly open their heart to another untill they have fully closed it from the past. maybe she has found that closure but is scared to move forward. At this point I would just be open with her and get it all out on the table. There is no reason to keep guessing or playing the childish games. If she does have mutual feelings but is afraid then tell her you just want to know where this relationship stands and that things can go slow but not the way they are. Mind games can drive a person insane so just spill it out and take what ever comes your way. If the outcome is to just reamain friends then I agree that you spend less time with each other for the time being and don't let it bring you down cause that probably just means she has not found her closure. There is nothing wrong with openiong your heart and telling a person how you feel.Honestly if she is not ready to get into another relationship with someone then she should watch her body language and the vibes she sendout or she is going to crush someone elses heart.Good luck and just go for it.

Answer 3

I remember when I got divorced, I felt very unlovable and undesirable. Having a nice man pay attention to me was good for my psyche. But I wasn't ready for more either. It sounds like she's flirting because it makes her feel good. But she's still keeping you at arm's length and, as you suggest, it may take her a long time. After all, her ex has moved on to another woman and she may be smarting over that. Who knows what her married life was like. If you really like this woman for something more than a roll in the sack, I suggest you have a heart-to-heart conversation with her. Start by restating what she has told you about not being ready. Then tell her what your feelings are and how it makes you feel when she keeps you at a distance. Ask her if there is any chance for anything more than a casual platonic relationship. Be prepared for a possible let-down. But you can't possibly know if it's in your best interests to move on unless you find out exactly how she feels. No more dancing around each other and game-playing. And don't write anything in a card. It can be so misconstrued. Bring her a single red rose when you come to talk to her. Do it face to face so you get the body language and everything. Then you'll know.

Answer 4

Well you two obviously both like each other so you need to talk. I'd talk to her before Valentine's day if you can and make it clear that you like her and want a relationship with her and find out where she stands. If she needs more time, then let her have it because you two could end up with something really special. Just find out if she does WANT a relationship eventually. Then even if she's not ready yet, you'll know she wants to be with you eventually and if this woman is special then you'll wait. If that's what she wants then you can still send her a card on Valentine's day...just make it sound more friend-like so she knows you aren't pushing her. If you don't want to talk to her before Valentine's day and just want to send her a card then say exactly how you feel. Tell her what you think when you look at her and how often you think about her...etc...Just say whatever you're feeling. Good luck! <3

Answer 5

well you already know that she's having a tough time with the divorce so that's already out of the way. It depends on how long she was married, but it can take months and even years to fully get over a divorce or even a long term relationship. So it sounds like she really does like you but she just can't handle everything. I would suggest either trying to be her friend and be there for her when she needs you or give her some space for a while so she can get her head together. The time apart may help her realize how she really feels about you and your emotions won't be as bothered like when you were trying to get closer.

Answer 6

The best advice I can give you:
Talk to her. Don't tell her that you don't want to see her, just ask her how she feels about you and where she sees this heading. Ask her if she sees herself wanting a relationship with you eventually or if she more thinks of you as a good friend. It doesn't mean that she will decide that she's ready any sooner, but it will be better for both of you if you know where, if anywhere, this is going in the long run. If she says that she doesn't know where it's going then you'll have to decide if you're willing to stick around and find out or if you are willing to lose the friend as well as the possibility of a future.

Good Luck

Answer 7

I'm a guy and I also have been in similar situation, it sounds as if she maybe lonely and is only really looking for a good friend and enjoys your company. You maybe reading the body language wrongly? If she really wanted more than a friendship she would have told you by now. You are both in two different places, you want more than a friendship and she only wants to be your friend. It's tough I've had sleepness nights about it myself my best advice is to break all ties with her. Tell her YOU don't want to be "just friends" when she has had time to think about it, she might want to take the relationship to the next level, if she doesn't call it wasn't meant to be... believe me the pain of a love that is not given back is not worth it!!!

Answer 8

I must weigh in here.
She was married. Is the divorce final?
It is not unexpected that she would not be ready to climb into another relationship so soon. Now that time has passed it seems the possibility still exists for a relationship.

Yes Valantines Day is coming, SO WHAT?
That day is for lovers and you are not there yet.

Did it occur to have dinner and talk? Just an ADULT discussion regarding the possibilities and expectations.
Quit guessing and talk to the woman.

Presumably she would need to be single for a bit. Chill out and find out what she is thinking.

Answer 9

I have a better idea!
Drop by the house with a box of chocolates, and a "fun" thing you know she secretly likes. Like, for me that would be a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper. That takes all the pressure off. Stay 15 minutes or half an hour, or just drop it off with a smiley face note. When you say good bye, give her your most winning smile, kiss your palm and wave goodbye. Keep it light and good natured.
P.S. You did the right thing by leaving when everyone else left.
She could have said something.
P.P.S. Do this AFTER the divorce is finalized. Like Valentines Day for next year.

Answer 10

Any relationship that is going to be worth anything has to be built on trust, and for that you need HONESTY. My advice is to sit down with her, tell her exactly what you are feeling, what messages you seem to be receiving from her, that the mixed signals are causing you confusion and you need to know from her what exactly is going on in her mind and heart. If it is that she really feels something but has been too burned to jump in, well, if you can be patient, then just be her friend, and let her set the pace. Believe me, trying to second guess the other person and respond to what you "think" they may be saying is THE PITS! It uses up wayyyy too much mental and emotional energy. If you two are 'meant to be' then it's worth the wait, for when she is ready. But if you do talk to her, make sure she understands that you aren't pushing for anything other than understanding and honesty.

Answer 11

Treat her like a friend no different from any other of your girl-friends. It appears that her self esteem is a little low because of her divorce and she needs some reassurance from the male gender that she still attractive, to sad for her but she needs to go true her divorce alone.
She really needs time to realize how she's interested on you, and if you treated just like a friend for some time you might decide if you want to move on or get closer to her.